#359 +(107)- [X]
<nou> See, I can give women orgasms just by talking to them.
<Art> Hmm. It generally helps if you plug in *both* ends of an ethernet cable.
#1534 +(389)- [X]
<Spin0ut> anubis's nick is cool
<Spin0ut> cuz it contains the words anus and bi
#2731 +(239)- [X]
<Camo> i licked the adhesive on the envelope cuz i thought it would be erotic
#3415 +(593)- [X]
<Crappy> the internet is cool
<Crappy> my triumphant statement somewhat dampened by my inability to type "the"
#3707 +(280)- [X]
* taz chills to : [Shonen Knife - Do The Bartman (Simpsons)] [3:20] [3.05MB/44KHz/128Kbit]
* Jumper chills to : [Your MOM and I.DIVX.XXX.AVI] [45:60] [560.04MB/44Khz/1024KBit]
#7917 +(175)- [X]
<Zaph23> I wanna go to one of those h00ker golf tourneys
<Zaph23> I can't play for crap but who cares
<DJ_Dave> gotta pay extra to play that hole
#10714 +(158)- [X]
<Joe_> <DarkVeng> if you wanna just be a yesman, there are thousands of jobs in corporate amercia that have better hours and better pay for less work <-- where are they?
#13467 +(230)- [X]
<Krameras> i know somebody who doesnt want to watch the Simpsons because its "too derogatory"
<CyberThor> Yeah. It's offencive to yellows everywhere!
#16098 +(291)- [X]
<madlocust> notmany women have me so into them that I can see them as a great friend
<madlocust> and in her case...my best friend
<|ced> so write a poem, fag
#18223 +(565)- [X]
<PowrSlave> Ah yes, everything I know I learned from Grand Theft Auto 3. For example, if I need a ride across town and there's a squad car nearby, I just punch the nearest old lady. When the cops get out of their vehicle to fight me, I steal the car. That gets me Warning Level 1, but all I have to do is hide in an alleyway for 30 seconds and the cops will forget all about me. Great learning tool.
#26714 +(47)- [X]
<+|TX|-Narflar> I thought he was Lawless's bitch =)
<@KK> he gets around
<@KK> LIKE VINYL ON A TURNTABLE
#34479 +(372)- [X]
][HumA][79- sepcial olympics are bad because its hard on the person who finishes last place.. i mean.. how much lower than that can you get
#34538 +(252)- [X]
* Joins: DanVanNinja
<beej> jesus christ
<beej> i need to get laid
<beej> i looked at dan's name and saw "DanVaGina"
#35178 +(223)- [X]
<@Deosyne> Yeah. I'm not admitting to anyone, especially my kid, that I stuck a vacuum in my ass
#36163 +(210)- [X]
<destru> tv just told me i could get a correspondence degree in gunsmithing
<destru> does that really seem like a good idea?
#36643 +(172)- [X]
[18:17] * +SoberGuy smacks dalnet
[18:17] <+SoberGuy> stay together u humpty dumpty of networks
#37212 +(214)- [X]
<wox> VB is meant to be drunk not coded
#39596 +(2037)- [X]
<@Theseus314> if I invite my girlfriend in here for a short time will you guys behave yourself?
*** FunG is now known as CaptainGapingAnus
*** poo_al[Away] is now known as i_want_to_fuck_thess_gf
*** IgWannA is now known as HotChickNeedSex
<@CaptainGapingAnus> we will behave
#41743 +(207)- [X]
<+aisha-fan> my moms boss brougt in a "new" penteium I
<+aisha-fan> those things r so old their obsoleet
<@MewMew[WC3]> As is correct spelling, I presume.
#45447 +(319)- [X]
<[29th]ZueX> im gonna play ww2ol....lata
[29th]ZueX [PusherRobo@s26.pm3.volstate.net] has quit IRC (Quit: Eeets got cheekan legs)
<Buchwald> i'm gonna go play
<Buchwald> "i hate my fucking job and it doesn't pay enough"
<Buchwald> it's a new game where i want to kill myself from 9-5
<Buchwald> and then when i get home and look at the bills, i want to kill myself
<Buchwald> it's a pretty realistic game
<Buchwald> characters are kinda boring though
<Buchwald> hm... i'm talking to myself again huh
#45578 +(562)- [X]
<Ron> Just for the hell of it the other day, I went into Word and typed out the alphabet with a whole bunch of fonts...then practiced copying them so I could handwrite in like, seven different fonts.
<Fite3n3rgy> go masturbate or something
#46610 +(25)- [X]
(&) rak (email@example.com) is trying to send you Gayness.exe(20 kb) on port 3283.
#47032 +(203)- [X]
*** julia_roberts was kicked by neotek (banned: spamming)
<@neotek> who would have thought that a successful actress like julia roberts would stoop to spamming her "phat pic site"
#48730 +(377)- [X]
<Sirea> My brothers cats name is God Damned Cat and she's running around with pair of my panties in her mouth
<Leth|ASSignment> "God Damned Cat and she's running around with pair of my panties in her mouth" is a damn long name.
#50772 +(336)- [X]
<Coolman_mike> brb, my keyboard isnt working
#52747 +(745)- [X]
<WrkEagle> Phalynx: Ah, but can you conjugate "Vodka?"
<Phalynx> WrkEagle: Sure, the past tense is "money", and the future tense is "drunk"
#58078 +(262)- [X]
<Danae> From the viewpoint of an uncorrupted Christian guy, what would candles mean?
<paranoid> He wants sex.
<Danae> Danae will devirginized once married.
<paranoid> Devirginized? By the Devirginizer?
<paranoid> I don't know how you "pure" and "uncorrupt" people work, he could be giving you candles to justify his guilt of fantasizing about you when he beats off all his curbed christian rage into a sweatsock late at night.
#83627 +(10498)- [X]
<scirDSL> I hated going to weddings. All the grandmas would poke me saying "You're next". They stopped that when I started doing it to them at funerals.
#101120 +(426)- [X]
<@doggie^> argh ffs
<@doggie^> just downloaded a 12mb program
<@doggie^> now im downloading a 22mb update
#117577 +(867)- [X]
<Eyal> i've been having a dilemma
<Eyal> what are better to play with
<Eyal> boobs or balls?
<Eyal> i mean, when they're yours
#125529 +(1067)- [X]
<NES> speaking of your mom jokes getting me in trouble
<NES> my friend rocky's mom died of cancer
<NES> I had no knowledge of this cancer, I hadn't known him very long
<NES> and I had for a while this obnoxious habit of doing those your mom jokes
<NES> repeating something someone said and inserting their mom
<NES> so I sit down at lunch one day and I hear him say "she died of cancer"
<NES> and I said "your MOM died of cancer"
#141242 +(116)- [X]
<Direw0lf> Sauki get some gerbils
<Direw0lf> i've been told they're all sorts of fun
<KhamulPPC> Especially with the optional extra of a microwave
<KhamulPPC> You got something against gerbils?
<Direw0lf> add helium and you've got gerbiloons
<Sauki> i'm sure they taste good
<Sauki> but i'm never sure what sauce to put with them
#187415 +(2110)- [X]
<g-core> Arnold Schwarzenegger has a long 1, Michael J. Fox has a little one, Madonna doesn't have one and the Pope has one but doesn't use it. What is it.
<pip> last name
<pip> no wait
#201773 +(949)- [X]
<Jim> how big is 10 inches
<Jim> like on a computer screen
<ShyAway> somewhere around 22cm
<Jim> so how many inches would this be |-------------------------------------------|
<Jim> no way
<RiotingNerd> um that would depend on your screen resolution
<RiotingNerd> if i was using like 480*600 on a 21 inch monitor that would be like 15 inches
<ShyAway> jim is measuring his man tool in hyphens
<Jim> ok if you were on windows xp how many inches would that be
<RiotingNerd> jim what resolution sir
<Jim> xp professional
<RiotingNerd> no sir
<RiotingNerd> that is not a resolution
<Jim> but it's the newest one
<diospadre> thats an os you idiot
#212483 +(245)- [X]
<gelfwag> So, I'm in the administration room now. What do I do to really fuck them up bad?
<@mooie> how did you get on the computer in there?
<+greg> give the computer a good shock to fuck up the hard drive or just knock it over
<+greg> and burn the windows/office/etc CDs
<gelfwag> haha! this is awesome the CD cases are melting.
<gelfwag> the mouse is melting it's so awesome
<gelfwag> oh shit the mousepad caught fire
<+greg> dump it somewhere
<gelfwag> fuck the room's getting filled with smoke what the hell do I do now?!
<+greg> let it start burning then get away and pull a fire alarm somewhere in the halls
<gelfwag> oh shit the library bitch is coming wtf do I do now?!?!?!!
<+greg> Beat the shit out of her and run.. or if she saw your face, kill the ho and move to mexico
* Quits: gelfwag (Connection reset by peer)
#245572 +(288)- [X]
Eudox says: my god...
Eudox says: I'm really not used to sending letters
Eudox says: it just took my 10 minutes to work out I had to lick the thingy to make it stick :|
#260952 +(1218)- [X]
<eminem_fan> they changed google!
<eminem_fan> i hate it, it's like new coke
<Blacgrass> wtf, you're like eleven, how do you know about new coke?
<eminem_fan> stfu blac, how u know I'm 11?
<Blacgrass> do a google search for "eminem fans"...
#271263 +(397)- [X]
< gt3> a million people applied for the apprentice 2
< gt3> and you know damn well its just gonna get outsourced to india
#343725 +(951)- [X]
<MootSux> I found a way to irc from work
<MootSux> Mootar 1, productivity 0.
#420685 +(2312)- [X]
<tadpoleofdeath> Why do so many math majors confuse Halloween and Christmas?
<tadpoleofdeath> Because Oct 31 is Dec 25
#573856 +(85)- [X]
<seaster> this kid once said to me he was 10% gay and that he thought it was normal.
<seaster> i said to him "it would suck if that 10% was your cock"
#667762 +(906)- [X]
<Ghaleon> I'm a programmer for a company that ports english made games to the japanese market
<PcChip> Make one say "ALL YOUR BASE" in japanese to get back at them.
#715207 +(129)- [X]
<InfamousMyzt> bash.org mod college
<InfamousMyzt> lesson 1: accept and deny buttons
<InfamousMyzt> lesson 2: funny, or not?
<InfamousMyzt> lesson 3: always accept racial jokes
<InfamousMyzt> lesson 4: always accept quotes that mention bash.org
<InfamousMyzt> lesson 5: if you can't decide, click deny anyways
#747233 +(806)- [X]
<D4> Want to hear my idea for a Star Wars porno?
<Jolyon> Only if Han shoots first
#758669 +(245)- [X]
<sharquedo> I'm a zombie, braiiinnnssssss
<DemonHeart> I'm homeless, chaaannnggeeeee
#770001 +(304)- [X]
YukiNagato: As much as I do tend to play games that are generally enjoyed by virginal fat dudes, I wouldn't touch WoW with a ten foot pole.
YukiNagato: It's just that the whole "KILL MONSTERS LEVEL UP. RINSE. REPEAT" thing is kinda old.
Semantic: That's not entirely true. It turns out that many WoW players forget the rinse part.
#853345 +(1934)- [X]
<DaMouse> HP should make weaponry
<zid`> the ammo would cost more than the gun
#917681 +(742)- [X]
<incluye> OH! Shit it's your birthday, isn't it.
<incluye> I have something for you.
<thom> It's just an animation of some dude getting a rag tied around his face
<incluye> I know.
<incluye> It's a gag gif.
* You have been kicked from the channel by thom (never speak to me again)
#945388 +(254)- [X]
<david> i carry a 12 inch dildo, condom, thumb tack, 10 grapes, and a time magazine from 1992
<david> things do get wild
<HorseZilla> you need a battery
<HorseZilla> candle wax
<HorseZilla> chains and a cinder block
<HorseZilla> oh and that speed glide lube that brad used to sell
<david> calm down macgyver
<david> im getting freaky, not escaping a haitian prison
<HorseZilla> you two are in vegas
<HorseZilla> and youre still fucking around here
<HorseZilla> what the fuck is wrong with you two?
#965350 +(91)- [X]
<AndrewOregon> People debate to win, and they usually resort to dishonesty in doing so. It's not a conversation.
<AndrewOregon> IRC is so cozy because it still hosts conversation, that rare gem online.
<lakembra> get raped fgt