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#138 +(363)- [X]

<BlackDeth> ITS SLOW AS A 30 FOOT SHIT COMING OUT OF AN ANT''S ASSHOLE

#649 +(121)- [X]

<ASSX> were can i get some oc3`s

#1535 +(811)- [X]

<JDigital> Speaking of which, did you know that Slashdot.org just changed its name to Gullible?
<HoJu> Really?

#2105 +(299)- [X]

<RockShox> greddy is pretty high quality stuff
<RockShox> i prefer apexi exhausts tho
<ocx> for cars?
<RockShox> no for bicycles

#2474 +(299)- [X]

<Server_X> i need to take my modem out tonight 
<Server_X> is it true that you have to wax your modem if it is a 56k once every month?

#5337 +(413)- [X]

<Zeddicus> i like Dungeon Seige, but its not something that hooks me like a good FPS does, or a good RTS
<agentM> i like dating games
<Zeddicus> i dont
<Zeddicus> i always lose

#7542 +(21)- [X]

< Izazael > Why did they never make romantic warheads?
< Izazael > I guess no one likes the taste of semen.
< Izazael > What could be more romantic than the girls who gag on cum club at yahoo?

#8375 +(246)- [X]

<AsylumXKP> Yeah no advertising. (This message was brought to by ANALSEX.COM! ALL ANAL ALL THE TIME!)

#8680 +(147)- [X]

<jamesn> max: best become a sales guy
<jamesn> those jobs are easy to get
<jamesn> and you dont need skillz
<undrewb> heh
<MMouse> both. yeah i was thinking sales, but that's like a last resort
<undrewb> but to get into sales, you need to be a superficial wanker with no clue...
<undrewb> oh.. ok :)

#9026 +(173)- [X]

<Mr_Ed> I need to get a dishwasher.... but where the fuck will I find a whore like that

#9427 +(129)- [X]

<daniel> Scoobi Doo == communist regime funded propaganda used to infiltrate capitalist pop-culture to instill a low rate change in american ideals, they always said they'd take us over without firing one gun

#12487 +(28)- [X]

*** oho_ (~jhgjh@mailhub.tup.km.ua) has joined #toronto
<oho_> If you want to marry with ukraininan girls, chat to me. Marriage agency

#13730 +(241)- [X]

<ShadowCaster> since nobody is doing anything... lets see who can be the FIRST to type the alphabet backwards with their eyes

#16729 +(218)- [X]

<Vill> I think anti-cornform has great meaning to an eleiteist
<Gotterdammerung> Vill: learn how to spell :P
<Vill> Gotterdammerung: I did then I fucked up when I learned to type :(

#19245 +(486)- [X]

<kt> i got my tongue pierced
<Eamon_the_goth17> really
<Eamon_the_goth17> so whats it like have a rod and two balls in your mouth??

#32955 +(353)- [X]

<@Techno|AO> Dammit, NOW who am I going to make fun of?
<@Techno|AO> I just found out there's a strip club in Quebec where you can get the strippers to give you blowjobs for 60 bucks Canadian!
<alisdair> 60 dollars cdn is expensive for a blowjob in quebec
<Cornjob7> You can get strippers in Dallas to give you blowjobs for $20 dollars, you get a free STD of your choice too.
* Theta furiously takes notes.

#36725 +(380)- [X]

<Aidan> If you found out a commet was about to strike Earth and you had five minutes to live, what you would do?
<Alsander> You mean, who would I rape

#38382 +(740)- [X]

<_SnakeMan> do the clocks change tonight?
<AlbinoLov> I think they do sunday/
<MiL0> yes
<MiL0> unless you live in some parts of indiana or arizona
<_SnakeMan> sometime in the early am of sunday, right?
<Argent-> The clocks change every night... into fierce blood sucking imps that chase me around the house until I fall over exhausted, then they mock me about my small genitalia.

#40378 +(541)- [X]

<masttime1> i gotta pee
<masttime1> brb
<masttime1> SHIT
<masttime1> IM SO KILLING MY BROTHER
<masttime1> he put saran wrap on the toilet
<masttime1> and i peed all over my foot

#45814 +(181)- [X]

<ineffable> i hear semen is an acquired taste too
<Hunter> speaking of which, i havent had a drink in more than a month

#46187 +(370)- [X]

<@netnomad> Why do we as human beings listen to depressing music when we're already depressed.
<Spock> Misery loves company?
<@netnomad> No, that's the explanation for why I'm on IRC.

#49642 +(542)- [X]

<@LazyMan13> [包 Lag: 1.048 seconds [包 Project Infusion v0.0.3 [包
* @LazyMan13 gives up
* +Knights slides his dick out of Lazy's connection and zips his pants...
<@LazyMan13> [包 Lag: 0.102 seconds [包 Project Infusion v0.0.3 [包
<@LazyMan13> .....
<@LazyMan13> damn you Knights

#55568 +(623)- [X]

<vocalizedWHORE> mmm, c++
<vocalizedWHORE> do.this();
<vocalizedWHORE> do.that();
<vocalizedWHORE> if (error)
<vocalizedWHORE> blame(microsoft);

#56256 +(757)- [X]

<Campbell> You know you're seriously got nothing better to do when you start measuring time in units other than minutes and hours.
<Oli[bath]> Win2k uptime: two quadrillion two hundred thirteen trillion seven hundred seventy-nine billion six hundred twenty-one million two hundred five thousand two hundred ninety-two Caesium-133 Radiation-periods (2,213,779,621,205,292| 2 days, 18 hours, 53 mins, 41 secs)

#56708 +(585)- [X]

<Rountree> Wake.  Birth.  Grow.  Pain.  Move.  Move.  Move.  Move.  Move.  Kid.  Grow.  Teen.  Grow.  Up.  Fall.  Up.  Crush.  Meet.  Kiss.  Date.  Buy.  Love.  Sex.  Ring.  Join.  Smile.  Kids.  School.  Dance.  Hug.  Hold.  Rift.  Leave.  Hate.  Gone.  Work.  Work.  Work.  Work.  Work.  Life.  Ha.  Bang.  Dead.
<+MegamanX2K> Shut.
<+MegamanX2K> The.
<+MegamanX2K> Fuck.
<+MegamanX2K> Up.

#59788 +(307)- [X]

<+sysys> i could tell you if WINDOWS FUCKING ME didn't crash
<+sysys> er
<+sysys> WINDOWS ME
<+sysys> that didnt come out right
<@spacemank> LOL

#60066 +(296)- [X]

<polyWog> my welfare sim family keeps having babies
<polyWog> how true to life

#68574 +(149)- [X]

<bytraper> what network does kazaa run on?
<OpsuPup> the internet

#68626 +(131)- [X]

<+MegamanX2K> They shoulda advertised UT03 at the super bowl
<@Tenchimaru_Draconis> heh
<+MegamanX2K> who needs Football when you have BOMBING RUN!
<+MegamanX2K> <Jerry_Rice> YOU BLEED BETTER THAN YOU PUNT!
<Tenchimaru_Draconis> heh
<MegamanX2K> with all the interceptions Tampa Bay made, John Madden shoulda yelled out "RrrrrrrrrrrrrRAMPAGE!"

#76034 +(118)- [X]

<Sean> ahh yes, things like that interest me. putting things in awkward places

#81157 +(215)- [X]

<Slayer> tbh i cba
<[S3E]Busy> there u go
<[S3E]Busy> an entire generation in one sentence
<Slayer> two abbrivs in one sentance im good
<[S3E]Busy> i think we have different outlooks on life
<Slayer> notice i abbrieviated abbrieviate
<[S3E]Busy> *sigh*

#81910 +(63)- [X]

<@Campbell> do you think he/she/it understands anything we're saying?
<@Campbell> LIke if I said...
<tiny> Hmm..
<@Campbell> small_bee: God hates you .. your mother and father hates you... THE WORLD HATES YOU
<@Campbell> DO you think he/she/it understands?
<tiny> S/he/it just might =)
<small_bee>  yeah ,i love him forever
<tiny> It's fairly direct
<tiny> ..
<tiny> Ok.
<tiny> Maybe not

#83322 +(828)- [X]

* jesuschrist (she-christ@144.138.49.12307) has joined #tool
<@`2L> *** jesuschrist is back (has been gone for 2003 years 3 months, 28 days)

#83742 +(618)- [X]

<ryant09> How do you embarrass an archeologist? Give him a tampon and ask him which period it came from.

#90209 +(277)- [X]

<pinkeh> females are too confusing :/ theres no where where you can hold it and press "quick save" incase something goes wrong :/

#105770 +(396)- [X]

<imagine> Oh god.
<imagine> I just tried to mute my fan with the tv remote.

#117856 +(469)- [X]

Kiache Majere: Hey, want to go see a movie later?
Kiache Majere: Do you suck cock?
Der Zwitter Affe: yes
Der Zwitter Affe: shit i mean yes to the movies

#124671 +(19)- [X]

<PRM> Theres a special girl in the office that i got a thing for.
<King-T> Yeah? Who? Is she nice ?
<PRM> She's called clare, i want to fuck her up the arse so that i can tell the bitch who's boss.
<King-T> go for it man!
<PRM> Yeah, just gotta make sure she doesnt fuck my arse first!
<King-T> Whoa, she a man man ?
<PRM> Not any more, think it may of been a dodgy sex-op gone wrong.
<King-T> Dont want to know...

#203247 +(7231)- [X]

<@maddox> FUCK!
<@maddox> my mom just found my website
<+DMTec> isn't she proud?
<+khoveraki> ha
<@naken> you've been on tv 2 times, in the newspapers several times, been banned from a country, has 40 million pageviews
<@naken> and you didn't tell your mother?
<@maddox> "what is this? Did you draw this? It looks like a penis."  "No mom, I didn't draw a penis"
<+DMTec> ROFL
<+DMTec> "no mom, i didn't draw a penis" thats good
<@maddox> now she's crying
<RichK> haha, your mom doesn't know about your website?
<@maddox> (on the phone)
<+DMTec> maddox: did she see the "suprise - I have a penis"-greeting card?
<@maddox> dmtec: oh fuck, I forgot about that.. yeah I guess I did draw a penis.
<RichK> bahahahaha
<@maddox> hahahahahaha she just said "I wish I would have died and not raised you"
<+khoveraki> rofl
<@maddox> she hung up
<RichK> You are dispwned maddox

#238254 +(308)- [X]

mooseybaby4247: my acceptance would be like "I would like to thank all the other nominees who lost so that i could win, my family and friends, I love you all, and to everyone I worked with, you were great but I was greater because I'm the one with the award. Thank you."

#238448 +(398)- [X]

<@iretd> Problem with bash is: after reading it for like half an hour, you go back to irc and you don't understand the jokes ppl make, like "where's the punch line" and then you realize there's no joke, it's just back to boring old IRC
<@dalias> actually i have that problem on bash
<@dalias> i read a quote and i'm like "where's the punch line?"

#308708 +(609)- [X]

<J-Mart> ok
<J-Mart> this is the sickest thing ive ever heard
<J-Mart> this girl that ive been friends with for a long time
<J-Mart> she got plastered last night
<J-Mart> so she starts laughin and told me that she did something really embarassing and she got grounded
<J-Mart> so im all like "whats wrong babe"
<J-Mart> and she hesitated
<J-Mart> and what came next i would have never guessed
<J-Mart> shes like "i took a poop in my closet"
<wc16> ...rofl
<J-Mart> and i didnt know what to say so i hung up
<kirbster> wtf.... rofl
<J-Mart> then she called back and said she was sorry and not to tell anybody
<J-Mart> so i promised i wouldnt
<J-Mart> then she was like "maybe the dog did it"
<CJinx> rofl
<J-Mart> SHE BLAMED IT ON THE DOG COME ON
<[SG]> roflmao
<J-Mart> and i stare at her ass all the time!

#398164 +(403)- [X]

<RMerlin> Best one was that night a regular woman on the channel joined it, and asked us if someone could finger her.
<RMerlin> Then she realised what she had just said

#441963 +(264)- [X]

<Raab> How's Half Life 2 treating you?
<Ashpolt> I would say like a woman
<Ashpolt> but women hate me

#478173 +(917)- [X]

<RaveZeroX> stupid me put the square root of 50 as 25 instead of 7.1......
<GuiltySpark> o.O
<GuiltySpark> Temporary retardation?
<RaveZeroX> i guess u can call it that.... >_>
<GuiltySpark> That would SO be a good card for a "Hax0r: Teh 1337 trading card game"
<GuiltySpark> Temporary Retardation: Target creature becomes AOLer

#572589 +(2088)- [X]

<Kiell> so it was my mate's funeral the other day
<Kiell> the parents asked his girlfriend to choose a song that he liked.
<Kiell> and between them they picked out "Bombtrack" by Rage Against The Machine.
<Kiell> So, just before the coffin disappeared to be cremated, Zach de la Rocha is screaming "burn, burn, yes you're gonna burn".
<Kiell>  Funniest. Funeral. Ever.

#604335 +(2065)- [X]

<raela> man today in bio when I was actually paying attention I heard the best owned story
<raela> this girl learned about blood typing and how to do genetic crosses with it
<raela> so she got all excited, went home, and found out her and her parents blood types from her mom
<raela> she then realized there was no way possible her dad was related to her
<raela> or at least, not the father
<raela> it took her awhile to get her mom to admit it >:D

#652242 +(511)- [X]

<Nofrag> It's bullshit, the police won't do a fucking thing. They destroyed one of the transformers now the power's out for twelve blocks
<bawheid> It obviously wasn't one of the better transformers
<bawheid> Optimus Prime, say

#684273 +(560)- [X]

<Oddness> Is it safe to put a 100W lightbulb in a 60W outlet?
<Atma-Mage> Do you enjoy having a face full of glassy shards of red-hot pain?
<Fire_i> Read: Yes, it is.

#724962 +(1796)- [X]

<VFR8> Omg
<VFR8> I was driving home today and I saw the best license plate
<VFR8> 56K SRY

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