#1199 +(614)- [X]
<Karmer> got damn it i accidently just shit in my pants
#3223 +(1199)- [X]
<[prefix]> I just read the funniest shit
<[prefix]> this guy's sister got her laptop stolen, so her brother broke into it and replaced the dialup phone number for the ISP to his phone #
<[prefix]> when the person dialed it up he had their name on the caller ID went over to their house, took it back, and kicked their ass
#4361 +(290)- [X]
<JDigital> I have ops in #pyoko... I put it on my resume along with my Slashdot karma ;)
#9909 +(154)- [X]
<carl> Best file compression around: 'DEL *.*' = 100% compression
#11033 +(707)- [X]
<Rammie> how do I change my quit message
<EileenB> type /quit message
*** Rammie has quit IRC (message)
#14490 +(24)- [X]
<TeamXtrem> i must suck
<Ly> TeamXtrem, you would know how it works :)
#17642 +(945)- [X]
<Squee-G> You're old school? I beta tested the mother fucking abacus!
#21069 +(640)- [X]
Joins: StubbornBitch (~email@example.com)
<Analu> Dude! Every woman I've ever known just entered the chat
#21154 +(1302)- [X]
<NickBlasta> u want the cyber
<NickBlasta> fap fap
<[H]Tongboy> lol, I come back for a minute on accident, and I see what looks like 2 aolers trying to mate
#22443 +(363)- [X]
<phatmike> i dont drink that much
<phatmike> this coffee tastes weird
<phatmike> without the whiskey in it
#28605 +(288)- [X]
<Yukanojo> engrish.com is proof that the japanese are just as bad as the americans in that they like to spout stupid things in other languages
<Yukanojo> for all we know, those shirts with trendy kanji on them probably say "WOODEN BLOATED CHICKEN PENIS"
#34038 +(463)- [X]
<evilbob> installing linux is like piercing your tongue. it'll impress your friends, but it's stupid and painful. and people without pierced tongues will laugh at you when you complain about it.
#34043 +(564)- [X]
<CYwolf> I always wanted to get 8 eyebrow piercings and hang a little curtain
#34238 +(153)- [X]
<SecrtAgnt> manual labor isn't my gig
<SecrtAgnt> i work with my mind...not my hands.
<SecrtAgnt> other then masturbation...but my mind is hard at work too
#36403 +(495)- [X]
<daveb> ide is hot pluggable, right? ;)
*** daveb has quit IRC (Read error: 104 (Connection reset by peer))
#38877 +(850)- [X]
<darknation> wtf is the point in storing quotes?
<boris_> darknation: it's like taking a photo in real life :P
<darknation> I wouldn't want photos of retards
#39340 +(289)- [X]
(laguna`) i wank to her occasionally
(Jyrka) for how long have u been doing this?
(laguna`) a month
(Jyrka) what did u used to do before?
(laguna`) go to school
#40483 +(282)- [X]
<daimonic> i was standing in the kitchen waiting for my toast for about 2 minutes
<daimonic> stoned out of my head so i just stood there looking at the toaster
<daimonic> then when it finally was done it gave me some fright
#41779 +(34)- [X]
<[mN]Cracker> cept my smelly grandparents are in the kitchen
<[mN]Cracker> AND THEY SMELL SO BAD
<[mN]Cracker> THEY SMELL LIKE THEY SHOULD BE DEAD ALREADY
#45109 +(212)- [X]
<_overkill> how do you eat high protein
#48425 +(277)- [X]
<velco> real men use mailx *g*
<ahu> real men whistle into the cable
<movement> no, real men stand up for a 1, and lay down for a 0
<movement> and transmit it over a webcam
#50925 +(343)- [X]
[ Genia4 ] one sec i'm looking for the url of the iq test
[ Genia4 ] i want u to do it
**Approximately 8 Minutes Later**
[ Genia4 ] http://www.iqtest.com/
[ @AirRaid ] it took you that long to remember that url?
[ @AirRaid ] FOR AN IQ TEST?
#55940 +(399)- [X]
<cravecave> I used to have a gig of ram
<cravecave> then one stick went limp and even viagra couldnt help it, now it just prematurely ejaculates and XP, being the slut she is, doesnt like when that happens and has a fit
* harrellj looks at cravecave
* Astral does too
* harrellj puts that in her quit messages
<cravecave> All I was trying to say was I'm only half the system I used to be
#56558 +(1912)- [X]
<Pyroman> NEW RULE
<Pyroman> No one may have a name that starts with 'No'
<Pyroman> It fucks up my nick completion
*** Yukari is now known as NotYukari
*** GigaClonWantstoKickNickServ is now known as NotGigaron
*** NMR is now known as NotNMR
*** DJ_Bytes is now known as NotAlsoDJBY
<emphaticallyumopepisdn> You guys are sheep
#60105 +(331)- [X]
«[LoKiX] » jesus IIS takes FOREVER to install
« vip_ib » What is Jesus II? is it a roleplayin game?
« vip_ib » FPS?
#62310 +(697)- [X]
<xanex> xmms manages to skip about 90 songs in my playlist and keep playing the same 5 over and over
<xanex> its a new feature, they call it 'MTV mode'
#65677 +(573)- [X]
[12:10] <KeeperX> Uptime: 1w 6d 30m 27s 74ms
[12:10] <KeeperX> that is what you can do with windows uptime, boys and girls.
[12:54] <KeeperX> HOLY SHIT, THE COMPUTER'S ON FIRE!
#74988 +(242)- [X]
<Ayisha> Hm. You know magazines are overusing the suffix '-core', when you find an article about an 'NYC pop-core' band...
<Hiryuu> Pop-core?? XD
<Hiryuu> Sounds like a new type of porn
<Hiryuu> Cereal porn
<Ayisha> lol O.o
<Freyer> smack-cackle-and-pop S&M cerials?
<Hiryuu> "Bondage babies! Small marshmallow babies with oat chains, ropes and spikes!"
<Hiryuu> I'd rule as an advertising exec.
#75634 +(798)- [X]
<Jinxed> [N] Cannot join channel #vagina (Invite only)
<Kreegle> story of your life eh Jinxed?
#80207 +(1581)- [X]
<Avalanche> i was at arbys last night eating, and this mini van pulls up. The soccer mom, daughter, and little brother hopped out and came in. The little kid was like 6-7. He said "mommy, I want a milkshake". She responded, "No, it will spoil your dinner". The little kid replied with, "YOU FUCKING CUNT, I WANT A GOD DAMN MILKSHAKE". He got the milkshake.
<Avalanche> I never laughed so hard in my life
#81126 +(158)- [X]
<_Griphin_> Apparently Tori Wilson dealt with Anorexia
<nully> is Anorexia another wrestler?
#81913 +(164)- [X]
<trixie> do you want to seo ther peics?
<Allio> whose pics?
<trixie> fuckin hell isuck
#81959 +(1151)- [X]
<Teratogen> The French Government announced today that it is enforcing a ban on the use of fireworks at Disneyland Paris. The decision comes the day after a nightly fireworks display at the park, located just 30 miles outside of Paris, caused soldiers at a nearby French army garrison to surrender to a group of Czech tourists .
#82212 +(842)- [X]
(while watching live firefight in port city of Umm Qasr on TV)
<eva> fucking campers
#98349 +(323)- [X]
<freddieandthestarfish> if homosexuallity is a disease, can i call into work gay??
<mal_s> u homo
#115626 +(579)- [X]
<Lailoken> On Cinemax tonight they're showing Shrek from 11:00 to 12:30 and then Best Sex Ever from 12:30 to 1:00.
<Lailoken> Somewhere in America parents leave their child to go to a dinner party, "Here honey, you just watch Shrek and we'll be home some time after midnight."
#115783 +(864)- [X]
<su-Septik> canada has a nuclear program?
<su-noel> yeah it's some old dood that survived chernobyl
<su-noel> we keep him in a box
#128423 +(386)- [X]
[quit:#] moodlet (Connection reset by peer)
<moodlet> thou shalt not unplug the hub to plug in one's hairdryer
#136376 +(376)- [X]
<Blade> Too bad your ex wasn't there.
<Sonsquidku_V> She was in f*cking San Diego. Can you believe that?
<Sonsquidku_V> There's like nothing there. It's mexican canada.
<Blade> Seriously, it's like LA took a crap.
<Sonsquidku_V> And then that crap took a crap.
<Sonsquidku_V> And picked through the crap to find a land mine.
<Sonsquidku_V> And threw it at my mom.
<Sonsquidku_V> Who fell down the stairs.
<Sonsquidku_V> And into a hole which led to China.
<Sonsquidku_V> And that's why I haven't seen her for the last 15 years.
<Blade> You have some issues, Dan.
#143356 +(514)- [X]
[9:43:pm] <beau> man, i have so much respect for anyone that designs adult web sites
[9:43:pm] <GodTheMod> its harder than it looks
[9:43:pm] <xie> Hahahahaha
[9:43:pm] <beau> i've been sorting through material for my site, and i can't help but get a hard on, and that means much less blood in my head.. i JUST CANT WORK LIKE THAT!
#201579 +(12544)- [X]
<by> Is there anyway I can tell the world I'm an idiot?
<Seven7> Of course, just type your name, where you live and your confession
<by> I am Mark Duval of Belgium, and I am an idiot
<by> Now what?
<Seven7> Don't worry. It's done
#255086 +(461)- [X]
<methangas> this is EA's support lines automatic answering machine; we already got your money, now please go away
#372174 +(2125)- [X]
<frogger> does anone know of an algorithm to generate random numbers in an increasing sequence?
<JubJub> Use the Pullit-Hofften method
<frogger> what's that?
<JubJub> Just ask cheesy how many times he's masturbated today
<CheeseZone> 11, why?
#374795 +(330)- [X]
<Xira> I seriously hope ATi catches up with nVidia
<Xira> (read: OpenGL)
<ByronT> I seriously hope my wife is in good mood tonight.
<ByronT> (read: sex)
#377280 +(389)- [X]
<sheep--> you are in a race.. and you pass the person who is running second, what position are you now?
<exe|> Well... that depends... if you're the right side or not
<FuIru> pass as in overtake, or fall behind?
<FuIru> then 2nd
<sheep--> heh.. my dad caught be off guard and i said first
<sheep--> he laughed in my face
<sheep--> he also said 'what kind of a programmer are you? hahaha'
<sheep--> i got pwned by my dad
#494970 +(71)- [X]
<ziz> i'm reading this article about the new intel centrino pentium M processor
<ziz> apparently they had a lot of failures early in the manufacturing process
<ziz> but now they're happy with it
<ziz> and some embedded network appliance makers have begun using them in their webservers
<ziz> so the name of this thing is the "Dothan"
<ziz> and i keep thinking "...what, so many Dothans died to bring me this information?"
#546813 +(998)- [X]
<itior> XML is like violence, if it doesn't solve the problem, just use more.
#590016 +(497)- [X]
holler its emily: Five Reasons Not to Be a Penis:
holler its emily: 1. You're bald your whole life.
holler its emily: 2. You have a hole in your head.
holler its emily: 3. Your neighbors are nuts.
holler its emily: 4. The guy behind you is an asshole.
holler its emily: And lastly...
holler its emily: 5. Every time you get excited, you throw up and then faint
DrkVengeance: you wouldnt always faint
DrkVengeance: depends on how well you can hold your licker
#706323 +(1256)- [X]
<TMH_> does anyone else find that they are in a fuckton of channels
<TMH_> and they only actually care about two or three
<jmx> define a fuckton?
<Thuryn> ten times a buttload
<LPF> that's a metric fuckton
#721016 +(524)- [X]
<Mewrr> reminds me back when I was writing reviews of soccer matches on the web
<Mewrr> and going through access logs, I saw that some reviews were orders of magnitude more popular
<Mewrr> eventually it occurred to me that Switzerland has a Pro Soccer team named "Young Boys"
<Mewrr> turns out they have many followers worldwide
<dmacks> I bet
<Mewrr> to make things even funnier, the Young Boys play in a stadium called "Wankdorf"