#1408 +(259)- [X]
<mlkesl> Lets all be vermifuge robots.
* mlkesl goes into robot mode.
* mlkesl does nothing.
* mlkesl makes fun of people who do stuff.
* mlkesl does some more nothing.
#1753 +(3268)- [X]
<Squizzle> WARNING: DO NOT LET DR. MARIO TOUCH YOUR GENITALS. HE IS NOT A REAL DOCTOR.
#3807 +(528)- [X]
[bytraper] they are my family.... I love them like they were my own, I couldn't part with them for less than $20
#4631 +(357)- [X]
<ic0n0> i love the midwest
<NecroMort> ilke gurls with big fat titties.
<ic0n0> what does that have to do with the midwest?
<polar> you have something against titties?
#5039 +(241)- [X]
<Myles> if ur piss comes out like vanilla pudding wat duz that mean
#6363 +(50)- [X]
<JelloMan> jesus loves the little children, all the children of the world...
<JelloMan> white and white, white and white, they are precious in his sight.
#7163 +(69)- [X]
<Descartes> A wanker is not a racial slur
<GORE> it is
<GORE> beleive me it is
<GORE> to me
#7984 +(30)- [X]
<@primig> why is duct tape like the force
<@primig> it has a dark and a light side
<@primig> and it holdes the universe together
#9346 +(504)- [X]
<bob> you're like "i want something that uses gtk :(" and redhat's like "YOU MUST NOW INSTALL GNOME-CORE; GNOME-TOYS; GNOME-QUAKE; GNOME-PRETTY-CAT-THAT-DANCES-ON-YOUR-WINDOWZ"
<bob> "Press Space Bar to install 1986 Space Shuttle Schematics"
<bob> "Or Enter to install HAM RADIO to RealPlayer signal converter"
<bob> "Or press nothing, and I will Reboot"
#11506 +(229)- [X]
* Teufel is a moron
<_wEaSeL_> well said
<Teufel> I tore up my room looking for the receipt for my 'broken speakers' to return them; when all I had to do is plug them in
#11715 +(266)- [X]
<Yogurt> Action Half-Life - "To counter Action Quake 2's speed and fun, we've included slow gameplay and the ability to fall down on purpose."
#13583 +(481)- [X]
<SinclairC> Anyone been to Taco Bell lately?
<Piccolo> No. I hate mexican. :]
<SinclairC> Taco Bell isn't Mexican, it's Taco Bell
<Piccolo> No. I hate Taco Bell. :]
<SinclairC> Taco Bell isn't Taco Bell, it's hamburgers
<Piccolo> No. I hate Hamburgers. :] Cheeseburgers are a different matter.
<SinclairC> Taco Bell isn't hamburgers, it's Dragonball Z
<Piccolo> Damm you
#16990 +(190)- [X]
TallyHoTheZebra: i love fire
TallyHoTheZebra: if i could have sex with it, i would
#17373 +(325)- [X]
<LoRdZephyR> i cant swim
<roboman20> i thought only people with down syndrome couldnt swim
<LoRdZephyR> WELL YOUR WRONG WHORE
* roboman20 hands zeph a chromosome
#18007 +(309)- [X]
<Rival|prophecy> god some guy named whois keeps messaging me with all this hacker shit
#21983 +(394)- [X]
(tobyl) It's damn hard to schedule these things, and we're hitting major plot.
(tobyl) Not to mention my character just went up two levels.
(Fetch) what'd you kill?
(Sancho) the DM
#22389 +(914)- [X]
<sortof> i need ducktape so i can take a shower
<DEZM> i dont want to know what you do with that
<sortof> i tape up my knob real good
<sortof> to keep it down
<sortof> noo on the shower
<sortof> the drain wont stay closed
#22754 +(540)- [X]
<FiZi> HEY I FOUND A COOKIE CRUMB ON MY SHIRT
* FiZi eats it
<FiZi> Aw crap
<FiZi> It wasn't a cookie crumb
#29685 +(715)- [X]
@|C|REDS`: I want a fuckin gf
@|C|Nemur: you want a girlfriend or a geforce? plz be specific
#32537 +(231)- [X]
<Froggyz0r> well you know warez is just like wanking....your a lier if you say you dont and a fool if you say you do.
#34970 +(317)- [X]
<Ed> P2 Celeron was good though, because it used the same slot as the P3.
<Mime> P3 has two different slots!
<Mime> I had a SNES game style P3, my mate had a flat one.
<Ed> Mime, that's a socket.
<waffle> Mime: you mean a slot and socket
<Mime> Yes, socket and slot.
<waffle> amd really loved the slot
<kawaii_kekekeke> I love that slot.
<Mime> I love your mom's slot
<waffle> your moms a slot
#36157 +(175)- [X]
<Al> people are often friendly until they learn what an irretrievable shit-pit the world is and what a sick, worthless collection of misshapen animals comprises the human species
<DogWelder> I like to think of it as boot camp, then hell.
#36430 +(359)- [X]
<CheapSk8[RKI]> I am against drugs
<CheapSk8[RKI]> I look in the mirror every morning and remind myself what they can do to a fetus beforth birth.
<tsingtao> your mom did drugs or something?
<CheapSk8[RKI]> No. She doesn't do drugs. I just happen to be in front of a mirror when i remind myself.
#41895 +(413)- [X]
<0oyeaho0> Hey, i have a new boyfriend. hes so dreamy, and i'm so in love with him. Hes so nice and sweet. I just adore him. I feel like ive known him forever.
<oaklandfoo1> where's he from?
<0oyeaho0> uh, im not sure.
#43820 +(178)- [X]
<+Lithium> i have a very large question mark above my head :)
<+datafreak> press backspace then
#47772 +(218)- [X]
Krav: Y'know, yew can never tell how fast someone can run until yew set them on fire...
#48676 +(667)- [X]
* DuneBoy is fucking dead tires
#51590 +(251)- [X]
<DA_BUTCHER> Annie will you marry me?
<DA_BUTCHER> I don't care what gender you are!
<DA_BUTCHER> I'm Greek
<|Annie|> that's like the 6th time someone's asked me that in here
<|Annie|> I'll get back to you k ._.
<Scotch> It's your own fault for making your gender so obvious in your nick
<DA_BUTCHER> yes but the others would freak out if you turned out to be a 30 year old wrestler named Bernard
#56320 +(357)- [X]
<@arp> Importance: Normal
<@arp> INCREASE YOUR PENIS SIZE BY 1/4 INCH IN ONE WEEK!
<argoth> thanks for sharing
<j0ker> hell I can do that in a few seconds
#76909 +(695)- [X]
<Gwindor> how do you save a log?
<Rimbaud> don't flush
#85648 +(465)- [X]
<Lord_Red> how did they screw up
<TheDingo> first, they somehow forgot i'd asked for an oil change, which was my main reason i'd brought in the car
<TheDingo> second, they didn't check to make sure WHICH john white i was, and had me listed as some guy in lancaster KY
<TheDingo> they tried calling me last night to say my car wouldn't be ready, but they called this other guy instead, who was quite confused, as he'd never owned a voyager in his life
<Lord_Red> demand money off your bill
<TheDingo> i got them back
<TheDingo> i took TWO donuts from the customer lounge
#94677 +(680)- [X]
<kdtree> i NEVER blow guys that smoke.
<razzi> that could be a nice anti-smoking campaign
#101624 +(303)- [X]
<K2134> holy shit >.< all the guys just ran down the stairs and out the door because the fucking ice cream truck.. talk about immature...
<K2134> lmao.. its funny, six 20 year old guys standing in line for ice cream...
#105332 +(378)- [X]
(Lestat): I wish you didn't agree with me.
(Lestat): It makes me think I might be wrong.
#115462 +(321)- [X]
<@B-Spider`> you young bastage
<@B-Spider`> your balls drop yet?
<@|Qc|Cutthroat> all 3 of them
<@|Qc|Cutthroat> to my surprise
#116170 +(861)- [X]
<SUPERHAPPYDUDE> DRUGS ARE BAD
<SUPERHAPPYDUDE> unless you are sick
<SUPERHAPPYDUDE> or depressed
<SUPERHAPPYDUDE> or having trouble sleeping
<SUPERHAPPYDUDE> or when you need to stay awake
<SUPERHAPPYDUDE> or when you need a little inspiration
<SUPERHAPPYDUDE> or when trying to win a sporting event
<SUPERHAPPYDUDE> or when trying to look cool
<SUPERHAPPYDUDE> or when you're just not feeling 100%
<SUPERHAPPYDUDE> but other than that they are BAD
#133771 +(664)- [X]
<EL3CTRO> 1 for me, 2 for bob
* EL3CTRO pours beer into his computer case
* EL3CTRO hears a bang
* EL3CTRO (EL3CTRO@xnet-10E67154.glfd.cable.ntl.com) Quit (Killed (Zaphod (Connection reset by beer)))
#137222 +(598)- [X]
< krept_> tomorrow is going to be cool
< krept_> i'm going to have real friends
< krept_> SCREW THIS INTERNET BULLSHIT
<@meth> going to get a few new action figures?
< krept_> nah, just unpacking them finally
#189209 +(263)- [X]
<aux_> i got gigs like i got ladies
<c0al> ? ur hard drive crashed/
#295992 +(230)- [X]
<@len> someone just asked me how to print half a page
<@len> "do you type in .5?"
#329897 +(653)- [X]
volume Maxed out: it's fun talking to "suicidal" chicks
volume Maxed out: because they always make the silliest excuses
volume Maxed out: for why they haven't succeeded in their attempts
volume Maxed out: and i give them like
volume Maxed out: every tried and true suicide method
volume Maxed out: including really simple and painless ones
volume Maxed out: and they make up the dumbest excuses
volume Maxed out: like
volume Maxed out: start a car in a garage
volume Maxed out: and sit back
volume Maxed out: and theyre like
volume Maxed out: i dont have a car
volume Maxed out: or
volume Maxed out: my parents wont let me use their car or something
volume Maxed out: and i'm like
volume Maxed out: bitch your gunna die who gives a shit
#434080 +(1554)- [X]
<Rambo> Have you guys heard about the latest pirate film?
<Rambo> It's rated Arrrr
<Nurple> Rambo, please die
#445438 +(250)- [X]
<diegost> omfg lol
<diegost> i tried to change my gmail pass to "boobies" and it went like...
<diegost> "please use another password, the one you hv just entered is very used on the internet" ^^
#462443 +(2857)- [X]
TANK Ex Mortis: I HATE WINDOWS!!!11one
TANK Ex Mortis: "Cannot delete file: It is being used by another person or program. Close any programs that might be using the file and try again."
TANK Ex Mortis: WHAT FILE, YOU SHITHOLE OPERATING SYSTEM!?
TANK Ex Mortis: If I was on Linux, it'd be like "There was an error, program X doesn't want you to delete that file. Here's a helpful link to teach you how to get around that. Would you like some tea?"
TANK Ex Mortis: Of course, when I want to install something on Linux, it says "You can't install that until you install these 50 libraries, update these 3 drives, downgrade this 1 driver, and pick my mom up from the airport."
TANK Ex Mortis: Whereas with Windows, it says "Click the next button over and over again until the program is installed. It will then work perfectly unless it doesn't."
TANK Ex Mortis: Unless it's made by Valve, in which case it says "DIEDIEDIEDIEDIEDIEDIEDIE" and blows up your computer. ;_;
#665959 +(344)- [X]
spaceinvader455: I saw lake house yesterday
spaceinvader455: and when they first started trading letters
spaceinvader455: (the guy that lives in '04 and the girl that lives in '06)
spaceinvader455: I thought to myself, "Ok, first letter, So, how was star wars episode III?"
#720191 +(983)- [X]
ductape4yoursoul: the hot Ukranian went to an In Flames concert Sunday and got molested by some chick.
SupremeGeekBeing: is that some kind of code
SupremeGeekBeing: the flying bacon lands in moswll park at 5?
ductape4yoursoul: no, dude. The hot ukranian I met in Chicago. She went to an In Flames concert and was molested by some chick
SupremeGeekBeing: oh, the pink elephant runs into a shallow well
#763355 +(361)- [X]
Torodung (31985): You can't write code or design software that will secure "stupid." [..] If those folks were using an abacus, they'd probably get their head stuck in it.
#808383 +(411)- [X]
<jarmund> I've always wanted to have sex while watching midget-porn, just to see if it's humanly possible to have an orgasm while laughing your ass off
#818440 +(2011)- [X]
<Runter> If I ever become ruler of the world
<Runter> I'm going to hold huge "Where's Waldo" contests
<Runter> Dress one guy up as waldo and put him in a crowd of like 1000 people
<Runter> and get people from helicopters to try to find him
<Runter> to win they have to shoot him
<Jay> Why would you have to shoot him?
<Runter> Because I've always wanted to fucking kill waldo. I mean seriously who doesn't fucking hate him?
<Jay> I don't
<Runter> Well then, do you like dress-up?
#954911 +(546)- [X]
<Number6> Ducks have corkscrew shaped penises
* rsynnott hopes the people who made the Flintstones were unaware of this