#142 +(356)- [X]
<Keris> hes gotta damn kid and a wife. he must get some
<DigDug> from the kid
<Keris> even better
#548 +(421)- [X]
<freeweed> actuall i'm ambivalent :)
#1225 +(433)- [X]
[timmo] i liked the great gatsby movie
[timmo] because gatsby was harrison ford
[timmo] and i cant pass up an opertunity
[timmo] to see him get shot
#1857 +(433)- [X]
<oktane> whoa. I just took a shit the width and length of my arm. when it splashed down, it hit my ballsack and I had to take a shower again. Im dead serious.
#2133 +(434)- [X]
<Kashan> I think we should circumsize horses so they look prettier in the porn videos
#2183 +(425)- [X]
<kisama> you guys are lightweight nosepickers
<kisama> i get bloody mucus sometimes
<kisama> have to break out the guaifenesin
<kisama> or insufflate salt water
<McMoo> don't even talk shit about my nose
<McMoo> i can get quarters up it horizontally
<McMoo> my record is 8 pennies in one nostril
<kisama> circus freak
#2652 +(346)- [X]
<+Cypherus> what is a splash-screen?
<Nagaika> when your screen falls into the bathtub
#3999 +(342)- [X]
<Veers> Welcome to insomnia, Tony. Even Masturbation won't work right.
#7342 +(328)- [X]
<skankuhz> I work my bung muscles every night, just in case i have to go to jail, I'll rip off a mans tip if he tries to ass fuck me!
#8806 +(365)- [X]
<moira> MY TEETH AR NUMB I BET I COULD BITE THROUH A CAR
#11050 +(264)- [X]
<Zuwadza> "When all you've got is a penis, everything looks like an anus." - Japanese proverb
#14195 +(194)- [X]
<fsck> sorry, my penis confused me
<tika> s'ok.. we're used to it
#23190 +(528)- [X]
<|fS|Solaris> oh man...i gotta get some viagra darts
<|fS|Solaris> going around shooting people with viagra
<|fS|Solaris> don't like a teacher?
<|fS|Solaris> see how everyone else likes him when he's got wood
<|fS|Solaris> is there a woman that you think is a man?
<|fS|Solaris> you can find out!
#23224 +(152)- [X]
[Shinji] hate that you know.... pants off, hand cream on the desk, then the fucking thing announces "22 minutes remaining" :/
#33696 +(619)- [X]
<TreeSurgeon> My lesbian friend Paula once told me that if god didn't intend for it to be eaten, he wouldn't have made it look like a taco. I rest my case.
#36171 +(317)- [X]
* `Glenn scribbles on Illy's face with a washable marker while she is away.
<Lightspeed> Glenn prob seen too much Pokemon....
<BraveFencer> .... No, but by the fact you connected that to Pokemon, maybe YOU have.
#37414 +(278)- [X]
<cshepherd> i hax0red my first root account at age 12
<cshepherd> i was so proud!@
<cshepherd> no pubic hair, but good god did i have root
#40735 +(231)- [X]
<Ronwe> wtf.. I'm ignoring this commercial on the TV behind me and then it says..
<Ronwe> "you can beat your beef. OR you can watch Britney Day"
<Ronwe> I think I'm going to beat my beef *while* watching Britney Day
#46621 +(437)- [X]
<|MonK|> I have a 16X dvd rom drive, so why dose it still take an hour and a half to watch a whole DVD?
#50201 +(145)- [X]
<Speed3D> FUCKING HELL...its bad enough that Im struggling at drawing, but now there's some neighbours partaking in some fucking aweful karaoke!
<wsmp|phrack> want me to take them out?
<wsmp|phrack> Ill turn up
<wsmp|phrack> and take them to dinner
<wsmp|phrack> on my bmx
<wsmp|phrack> take them out to some russian restuarant
<Speed3D> not quite what I had in mind
<Speed3D> I was thinking more along the lines of Death from 1001 papercuts
<Speed3D> with the use of iodine
<wsmp|phrack> I think I could arrange a beating to death witha teaspoon
<wsmp|phrack> but paper cuts are hard :(
#54365 +(409)- [X]
<default> say something nice to my mom if your around
<magpie> who's your mom
<magpie> that lady chainded up in the closet
<default> no the women looking over my shoulder
#59803 +(258)- [X]
<Hemlock> cloning one's pet doesn't seem that costly
<Hemlock> i am seriously considering doing this
<Compute> hem: you can't clone rocks, dumbass
#67565 +(569)- [X]
<Aegis> You know what's REALLY freaky about the game Black & White?
<Aegis> When you're helping these guys in the beginning build their boat...
<Aegis> They want meat to eat along the way, right? No problem.
<Aegis> Well...when you give a sheep to them they're like "Oooh, a sheep. Sheep have many uses...thank you."
<Aegis> Makes me wonder...
#72614 +(849)- [X]
<ex-machina> I had to change rooms at my hotel. You know you spend too long online when you laugh at the fact that you got moved from 1024 to 768.
#73184 +(687)- [X]
<B-Love>: Where the fuck did all the forks go?
<Fect>: I ate them.
<B-Love>: Why the fuck did you eat a fork?
<Fect>: What, you've never had the urge to eat plastic-ware?
<B-Love>: YES, BUT I DON'T EAT THE LAST ONE!
#75359 +(112)- [X]
<Ozy> geoff gets that lots
<Pi|Mu|Rho> I can imagine
<Ozy> theres a whole bunch of people stuck to the ceiling nearby my desk, roughly where geoff sits on the floor above us
<Pi|Mu|Rho> That's such a hilarious image
#76964 +(281)- [X]
<DJ_Phatiguez> there is a way you can actually do a jedi mind trick?
<cow> of course there is
<@tolikin-skywalk> DJ_Phatiguez: rohypnol
<Githzerai> Why does he wave his hand then?
<DJ_Phatiguez> ahahah i got ejected from a pub for trying to do a jedi mind trick when they ID'd me
<DJ_Phatiguez> 'you dont need to see any identification.'
#81171 +(1432)- [X]
<TalonArkrys> Guys, I've decided that there needs to be an addition to the current laws of nature. "Lesser Life Forms Are Not Allowed To Make Talon Feel Stupid". I saw a bug on my kitchen floor, and it was rather unexpected. As such, I threw my cup at it. The cup was made of glass. And contained my coke. Now, I have shattered glass as well as coke all over my floor. The worst part was, when I looked closer, the bug was already dead.
#85648 +(465)- [X]
<Lord_Red> how did they screw up
<TheDingo> first, they somehow forgot i'd asked for an oil change, which was my main reason i'd brought in the car
<TheDingo> second, they didn't check to make sure WHICH john white i was, and had me listed as some guy in lancaster KY
<TheDingo> they tried calling me last night to say my car wouldn't be ready, but they called this other guy instead, who was quite confused, as he'd never owned a voyager in his life
<Lord_Red> demand money off your bill
<TheDingo> i got them back
<TheDingo> i took TWO donuts from the customer lounge
#97931 +(116)- [X]
<RugNug> naw......just reboot
<crak_pipe> that works
<RugNug> and fantasize about keeping the inventer of popups in my basement for a coupla years
<crak_pipe> hell yah
<crak_pipe> lemme beat on him for a bit as well
<RugNug> heheheh......i could make millions......with a cover charge
#100937 +(548)- [X]
<fabutron> so we were at sonic the other day (which is a drive up restraunt like in the fifties, for those of you that don't have sonic) and we made a joke about punching the waitress in the uterus and over the little drive up radio the guy was like "we can still hear you"
#136529 +(1063)- [X]
<otto> so... whats everyone up to tonight?
<Sauron> I'm doing a few things; checking my ebay account, cleaning the computer area, studying for a test in school tomorrow, and eating these hot pockets.
<Sauron> and of course, IRCing like a mofo.
<otto> "which one doesn't belong here..."
#137988 +(141)- [X]
<evileye|ESC> "DO NOT ENTER THIS PROMOTION IF YOU ARE NOT LOCATED AND LEGALLY RESIDING IN THE UNITED STATES (EXCEPT FLORIDA) DURING THE ENTIRE TERM OF THIS PROMOTION."
<evileye|ESC> EXCEPT FLORIDA!
<evileye|ESC> damn old people
<Hellfire> they dont want the professional florida yodelers to win......
#162804 +(745)- [X]
<Katsmall> :( My boyfriend is in the hospital and nobody knows what he has!
<spknsp3ll> katsmall: what are you doing tonite?
<Katsmall> spknsp3ll: Griefing.
<spknsp3ll> well if youd like some consoling, i could prolly squeeze an hour in or two
<Katsmall> spknsp3ll: Okay... Come on by. I'm very horny.
* spknsp3ll scores
<Katsmall> spknsp3ll: Just note, that he got it right after me fucking him, and also that I'm a man.
#166147 +(233)- [X]
<maskedferret> didnt know you could install XP on a car
<RRA-[[LuCkY]]> actually, its called Windows CP
<RRA-[[LuCkY]]> for cars.
<maskedferret> i'd hate to see it crash
#219428 +(393)- [X]
<Arsonic> steam, steam, the magical fruit. the more you play the more you reboot
#240059 +(282)- [X]
<Doh_> programming is the act of creating a computer program
<Doh_> not of copying and pasting other peoples code
<Doh_> not to mention on the grand scheme of things, youre program is about as complex as the little clicky thing on the end of some pens
#244091 +(408)- [X]
<Fury> dude! The power just went out in the house and all over the city.
<Fury> everything is off =X
<Fury> fuck its so dark. this fucking sucks.
<Angelic[X]> Why are you still here?
—› quit: (Fury) (firstname.lastname@example.org) (Read error: Connection reset by peer)
#271263 +(402)- [X]
< gt3> a million people applied for the apprentice 2
< gt3> and you know damn well its just gonna get outsourced to india
#348436 +(774)- [X]
<nostal> What are the dimensions of those little MSN display pictures?
#374848 +(1137)- [X]
<Torgina> so wtf is up with mirc saying I have 7days left?
<Azathoth> It's the tape you watched.
#442221 +(1458)- [X]
<the_muss> New Game! add the word "anal" to the beginning of car names. Anal Jamboree, Anal Explorer, Anal Pulsar, Anal Prelude, Anal Adventurer, Anal Legacy, Anal Nexus, Anal Swift
<pyrophoric> lol, Anal Jazz, Anal Ram, Anal Probe
<iuqcaj> Anal Bandit, Anal Forester, Anal Laser, Anal Escort, Anal Sovereign, Anal Beetle, Anal Golf, Anal Samurai
<the_muss> Anal Eclipse, Anal Discovery, Anal Wrangler, Anal Ambassador, Anal Vanquish, Anal Vagrant, Anal Diablo
<pie> Comedy Gold... Anal Trooper
#446471 +(288)- [X]
<The_Fallen> He, two years ago we were at the computer lab and my friends, a dumbass farmer, wrote in the adress bar : "I wanna see a website about car, please, thanks alot"
<The_Fallen> Oh, My, Fucking, God.
#564748 +(776)- [X]
Gimpy: lifes a bitch and im her pimp
HjMC: Fuck life!
Gimpy: that'll be 50 dollars
#631847 +(1332)- [X]
bcreasy: come check this out
bcreasy: *shiny thing*
gbarnes: oh, be right there
#634805 +(411)- [X]
<@Miss_Morgan> ok get this
<@Miss_Morgan> I came up with a marketing campaign for a new cereal
<@Miss_Morgan> I was staring at some fruit loops I poured myself
<@Miss_Morgan> and after about 5 minutes of staring and munching, I realized something
<@Miss_Morgan> red... orange... yellow... green... blue... violet
<@Miss_Morgan> it's the 6-color rainbow!
<@Miss_Morgan> so get this
<@Miss_Morgan> in an approaching perspective and going up, stars and glitter-things coming off of the name
<@Miss_Morgan> and have three gay guys in the corner of the box
<@Miss_Morgan> on the bottom of the front pane, there'll be the slogan
<@Miss_Morgan> "They're fruity, they're colorful, they're fabulous!"
#640231 +(835)- [X]
<DuEy> my grandparents just asked me to send an email to my cousin :\ and they gave me the postal address
#655775 +(454)- [X]
<codyryan> because men, have problem controlling their testosterone
<Skiz> not me I'm a pretty good shot.
#743532 +(1870)- [X]
<aioli> i hope whoever invented the mysterious force gets his or her penis caught in a gear
<raxvulpine> Your attempt to be gender-neutral there only sort of worked.
#885924 +(1872)- [X]
killjay: Most embarassing internet moment?
killjay: Unknowingly cyber with a dude?
killjay: Knowingly cyber with a dude?
lemonlimeskull: Not as such.
lemonlimeskull: Though when I was a kid, I did try to run an ASCII image of a naked chick through a text-to-speech program, set to female voice.
lemonlimeskull: When she got to "colon colon colon period colon colon colon period period" the moment was gone.