#665 +(433)- [X]
<reptile-> i like to masturbate
<reptile-> I remember along time ago
<reptile-> when I was like 8 er smthn
<reptile-> my friend was like, "Gay people masturbate." or something
<reptile-> and I was like, "ew.. I'm never doing that!"
#856 +(532)- [X]
<Gussy> Does anyone here know much about exercise?
<fs`> is that an emu?
#1585 +(2667)- [X]
<vortex502> thought i had the calculator prog. open
#1857 +(430)- [X]
<oktane> whoa. I just took a shit the width and length of my arm. when it splashed down, it hit my ballsack and I had to take a shower again. Im dead serious.
#3575 +(188)- [X]
<jstepka> perl is the kryptonite of the computer science world
<pagan> if stepka looks at it his penis shrivles up
<pagan> and he gets weak
<jstepka> hell yeah
#4476 +(486)- [X]
<Dreq> is there anyway to get the DOS version?
<andy> the dos version of win98?
#6127 +(252)- [X]
<Fryboy> can't hardly wait, party of 5 etc
<ambr> i thought you were taking about serial cable compression there... parity of 5
#6662 +(222)- [X]
<enrol> my new ircing technique is unstoppable
<jj> do you think youre dalnet sword can defeat me!?
<jj> en guard, ill let you try my efnet style
#7023 +(220)- [X]
<Ac3d> think i should archive my pr0n acording to type (movie,picture,interactive,etc...), alphabetical (a-f,g-m,etc..), size, or genre?
#8058 +(163)- [X]
<Praetor> bob: even so, if I don't have to write it and it works then what the hell do I care?
<evilbob> you care because I opened my mouth and talked to you, bitch. and I didn't even get a thank you.
#8287 +(480)- [X]
<Adiemus-Away> [GleebAway] Adiemus has returned from doing the dishes (Away for 1day 15hrs 23mins 39secs)
*** Adiemus-Away is now known as Adiemus
<Adiemus> damn that's a lot of dishes =
#8665 +(303)- [X]
<iggypop> if i dont get on tomorrow, i'm probably burnt up
<iggypop> i took the battery out of my smoke alarm for my digicam
#12899 +(830)- [X]
<DireWolf> My life'd be a whole lot cooler if Vikings invaded every once in a while.
#14206 +(414)- [X]
<tague> i want to start a new movement, lets replace God with Allah in
<tague> the pledge and see how long it lasts
<Deke> i wanna replace with it with spam
<Deke> let companies bid on the phrase and raise some cash
<tague> there's an idea
<Deke> "One nation, under < For Rent > "
#17897 +(942)- [X]
<deh> man lead singer of hanson
<deh> fuck shes so hot
#22604 +(160)- [X]
<Affe> i got a dual head card today
<Arcane> what kind of dualhead card?
<cardian> they make a radeon dual head?
<cardian> which one
<Affe> i dunno
<cardian> you dont know which card you bought?
<cardian> were you high?
<Affe> it was a trade for services
<Arcane> it musta been shitty head if they gave you a radeon
#33881 +(112)- [X]
<BiBOp> little question
<BiBOp> what services are best for unreal ?
<Aristotles> funeral services
#37028 +(543)- [X]
<goo_> 4 steps to a happy marriage...
<goo_> 1. It is important to find a man that cooks and cleans.
<goo_> 2. It is important to find a man that makes good money.
<goo_> 3. It is important to find a man that likes to have great sex.
<goo_> 4. It is very, very, very important that these three men never meet.
#49629 +(286)- [X]
<`3pX^Manitoba> If you sleep with a guy, it doesnt necessarily mean you're gay right?--PM ME plz, I need to kno
<Jivedue> what's the setting? prison or at home?
#52503 +(1052)- [X]
<neural> i wish my motherboard would find a fatherboard so i could have anotherboard
#52642 +(273)- [X]
(Smidge|Proggin) Someone's been usin' my computer...
(Smidge|Proggin) They tainted it by visiting aol.com
(Smidge|Proggin) I feel violated
#57925 +(220)- [X]
<Slime> Smearing your weiner in dog food and going over to Rex does not count as losing your virginity
<Slime> Trust me, I should know
<Slime> You should have seen the faces at the hospital when I asked where the "Ward for People Who Have Had Their Penises Chewed On By Dogs"
#58692 +(45)- [X]
<silk|around> whats that site where you put a name in and it says your a homo or somthing
<silk|around> ahh got one
<silk|around> nn all
#62198 +(209)- [X]
<eddy> school was ok except for the lack of beer
#62907 +(110)- [X]
<MoeFugger> shit, when i go back to my high school, i feel like r kelly at the playground
<PhD> are you sure thats not the elementry school you frequent?
#70544 +(364)- [X]
<Z> Swear to god..
<Z> These guinea pigs are like
<Z> Not even 6 months old
<Z> AND THEY LOST THEIR VIRGINITY LIKE 10000000000000000000000000 TIMES
<Z> Now they're pissing me off..
<Z> I can't get one simple pussy
<Z> And they're hitting them like a batting cage
#73166 +(14)- [X]
<+TheVirus> you know you hit an all time low when you take a shit, and dont realize the after affects until you look at your mouse =\
#75196 +(127)- [X]
<SA-Meta> pyro send me a good computer and war3
<SA-PYRoMaNiaC> Alright. Address?
<SA-PYRoMaNiaC> And if you act now, the Anthrax is free!
<SA-Meta> OMG YES!
#78877 +(1390)- [X]
<Miliwen> Alucard, how the hell do you make a city in SimCity4?
<Alucard_the_Kook> Making a city is ... a lot like making love to a beautiful woman.
<Alucard_the_Kook> First you need to check her out, get the lay of the land.
<Alucard_the_Kook> Next, you need to tease her a little. Make trails over her body, allowing you to move freely.
<Alucard_the_Kook> Then you fiddle with the zones.
<Alucard_the_Kook> You give the bitch all your money.
#81920 +(108)- [X]
<meatpuppet> is there like a special procedure for making sure that the porno dvds come back clean?
<meatpuppet> im that much less likely to borrow dvd porn from my local video store now
#99967 +(722)- [X]
* @Super-Vipeo [Super Mario Brothers Theme Song-Nintendo] - [0.65mb; 1:24; 64kbps; 44khz; mono]
<@Cockroach> I saw a quicktime movie of a guy playing that on the piano
<@Cockroach> and about every other mario song
<@Cockroach> was kind of scary... then people on the CS forum started posting about learning sailor moon songs on their clarinets
<@Cockroach> and suddenly the Mario guy was normal again...
#107101 +(217)- [X]
*** BRNOUt has joined #sgl2
* Babau glares.
*** BRNOUt has left #sgl2
#118504 +(525)- [X]
(Axis): oh shit, i set a timer and now i can't turn it off
(Axis): how the hell do you turn it off
(@Zaphod): type /timers
(@Zaphod): you will be told the timer number
(@Zaphod): like * Timer 2 /do something
(@Zaphod): then type /timer2 off
(@Zaphod): notice, no space after timer
(Axis): okay but it's still beepinng
(Axis): it says there is no active timers
(@Zaphod): Ahh, you didnt type / beep <number> did you ?
(Axis): but IT'S STILL BEEPING! AAAAGH!
(Axis): yeah, i did
(Axis): is that bad
(@Zaphod): what was the number you typed?
(Axis): 39482034 i think, something like that
(@Zaphod): lol - it aint stopping till it beeps that many times
(Axis): well shit
#123289 +(267)- [X]
<caNcer_b0y> my boy just shit in the can for the first time :)
<route> lol congrats
<caNcer_b0y> its a HUGE step for him :)
<route> heh i can imagine
<dr_binks> how old is he?
<dr_binks> see route, if a 2yr old can do it, why cant u?
<route> cause i like my nappy's
#255859 +(74)- [X]
<BaD-CooL> for the first time in history, two zombie movies are at the movie theaters at the same time
<BaD-CooL> dawn of the dead and passion of the christ
<BaD-CooL> jesus is the original zombie
<BaD-CooL> then he sucked the brains out of all the dumbass christian faggots
#310023 +(379)- [X]
<t-f-i> An officer in the U.S. Naval Reserve was attending a conference that included admirals from both the U.S. Navy and the French Navy. At a cocktail reception, he found himself in a small group that included personnel from both navies.
<t-f-i> The French Admiral started complaining that whereas Europeans learned many languages, Americans learned only English. He then asked, "Why is it that we have to speak English in these conferences rather than you speak French?"
<t-f-i> Without hesitating, the American Admiral replied: "Maybe it is because the Brits, Canadians, Aussies, and Americans arranged it so you would not have to speak German." The group became silent.
#375296 +(35)- [X]
<tomato> So Chris, you blew bubbles as a kid?
<Chris> yes tom i did
<tomato> Well Chris he just called, he's looking for you
#397151 +(209)- [X]
<psychonate> A Mac is like a prostitute.
<psychonate> Sure they look good, but your wallet will feel a lot lighter after getting one.
#460408 +(1751)- [X]
(Deranged): I like my women like I like my coffee.
(SteveTheImpermeableHamster): full of your cream?
(Jet): From McDonalds?
(SteveTheImpermeableHamster): in a cup?
(Jet): Spilt all over your lap?
(Deranged): Ground up, and in the freezer.
#483079 +(284)- [X]
<ajh_home> I'm not sure I can convey how uncomfortable it makes me when people just randomly come up to me.
<kyle> the funny thing is, if you killed them, it would be /you/ who gets arrested.
<kyle> what a backwards society.
#499346 +(692)- [X]
<Erin> No manners these days ...
<Erin> like, this policeman last nite
<Erin> there was a breathaliser thing, so we had to stop, n this policeman came up to my mum's window and shone this light right in her eyes
<Erin> and was like "can u see this lite"
<Erin> she like ... "yes sir your shining it in my face"
<Erin> so he goes, "thats what your lights are doing to us, turn them down madam"
<Erin> "its an offence"
<Erin> and didn't even breathalise her.
#536778 +(441)- [X]
jared 33 ghs 02: i heard possibly the most racial remark the other night at a restaurant
The Magma Hawk: ?
jared 33 ghs 02: an old jewish lady was lecturing my friend who was waitressing about the two tattoos she has and how its not good for her body and a drunk was listening and finally had enough and said "hey old lady, shut up, ur just jealous u got ur tattoo for free"
The Magma Hawk: buahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha
The Magma Hawk: that's what she gets for preaching
jared 33 ghs 02: everyones jaw dropped and there was silence, and then he just turned around and continued talking to his friends or whatever
#627046 +(769)- [X]
<@generated> i wish i was dead
<@mehh_> generated: why? :(
<@mehh_> actually i really need to go...tell me some other time :)
#650829 +(1050)- [X]
spaceinvader455: some people smash guitars after rock concerts
spaceinvader455: I smash keyboards after I type up a school project
#682642 +(883)- [X]
<ds4l> Tried to beat off today when mom was at the store
<ds4l> Itís just me and mom living in this house
<ds4l> I popped in my fav porno and it started in a different place then where I left it.
#697182 +(420)- [X]
BlackFridayXRule: dude, find an asian party, i want to hook up with an asian chick
ziggyzhang5: asian party, no such thing
BlackFridayXRule: oh sorry, i meant lan party
#743138 +(297)- [X]
<Varitek> a piece of spam in my inbox had the subject "new fap"
<Varitek> I decided to forget my principles and actually read it
<Varitek> it was selling fake watches
<Varitek> I was crushed
#893921 +(363)- [X]
< iKBerry> man thus driving and ircing thing rocks
< iKBerry> fuck brb getting pulled over
-!- iKBerry [~Fox@188.8.131.52] has quit [jmIrc destroyed by the OS]
< iKitsune> so, fuck
< iKitsune> now i have a $250 ticket for reckless driving
#896406 +(1413)- [X]
Marshall: A friend of mine knows a band from his hometown who played on one of the ferries that go between Finland and Sweden. When they were about to board in Stockholm, the Swedish equivalent of the DEA shows up with dogs and everything, so the guys in the band freak out 'cause they've (obviously) got their dope with them. After a few minutes of "fuck maaaan, what're we gonna do maaaaan!?", one of them goes to a Wal-Mart type store and buys a little remote-controlled helicopter. They proceed to plant the stash on it, leave it on the quay, board the boat and then use the remote to fly the drugs onto the ship
#937078 +(2057)- [X]
<Pongball> Religion is like a penis.
<Pongball> It's fine to have one.
<Pongball> It's fine to be proud of it.
<Pongball> But please don't whip it out in public and start waving it around.
<Pongball> And PLEASE don't try to shove it down children's throats.