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#541 +(91)- [X]

<smcn> a pig could fly if you like put a rocket up its ass and lit it

#1133 +(564)- [X]

<homerj> a robot on Futurama
<homerj> "You know why they are using WIndows 3000 as a prison guard?"
<homerj> because it always locks up

#1345 +(1557)- [X]

<Orm-Riva> I knew a man who had sex with a helicopter once.
<Illandir> ...
<Orm-Riva> Alright, I didn't, I lied to try to impress you.

#1569 +(1157)- [X]

<defproc> i made a program that crashed once. i put it in my resumé and sent it to microsoft.

#1615 +(300)- [X]

<eastjinx> from 19 to now, my world has completely changed
<DigDug> my world changes every 6 months :[
<|steve|> the world has changed 3 times since the last time i been out
<sev> world changes for me everyday
<|steve|> but our penis size stays the same

#2179 +(375)- [X]

<Son-Doobi> i've been thinking man
<Son-Doobi> today is 10 11 01
<Son-Doobi> thats binary shit
<Son-Doobi> we living in the binary age

#4442 +(823)- [X]

<amit> there was a girl in my english class who had a lord of the rings bookmark. she looked at me, then at the bookmark and said "Bilbo's so hot!" and put it in the cleavage between her breasts.

#5073 +(202)- [X]

<langdon> win2k is tight.
<langdon> i added all my warez ftp sites to network neighborhood

#5415 +(625)- [X]

<Necro-M> anyone here got jpeglib.h ?
<med-> had it when i was younger, i don't think you can catch it twice tho

#6050 +(300)- [X]

<lud> who was he? someone you know or just someone you pumped into

#6445 +(1650)- [X]

<gh5046> beep boop beep boop beep beep boop
<skrike> thats right r2 we're going to cloud city

#7764 +(563)- [X]

<redial> read me the contents of your q3key file and i'll tell you if the upgrade will work
<faz> my q3key says P00R 4773MP7

#7822 +(73)- [X]

* spacely sets mode: +o splurge
<splurge> if only having ops helped me get chiqs
<splurge> [sigh]
<splurge> id have hoes fallin' out my ass!
<splurge> (instead of the roaches I hide there so that my mom won't find them)
<spacely> oh man thats why yer weed is always so shitty
<splurge> you mean cheech and chong were wrong?  rectal storage doesnt make weed "good shit"?

#7932 +(278)- [X]

<@n909> this guy is traveling in oregon
<@n909> and ran out of weed
<@n909> so he comes to #oregon
<@n909> and asks us for some

#8227 +(241)- [X]

*** Adee is now known as Elvis
<Elvis> Ah huh huh..
<Electric> Here, have a cheeseburger :)
<Electric> Now go take some drugs and sit on the toilet...
*** Elvis has quit IRC (Quit: )
<Electric> It worked!

#8246 +(117)- [X]

<Ookey> now, I wonder what would be said if I said that all guys are bi.
<JtHMx> *shrug* find out
<BathTub>  I think jthm is getting confused with 'all men want chicks to be bi'
<JtHMx> see, bath is clearly just gay, rather than bi

#10783 +(720)- [X]

<gr0undh0g> I spent an hour and a half once trying to tie a hair to a fly
<kritical> whyd you do that?
<gr0undh0g> so I could have a pet

#10899 +(115)- [X]

<StrScream> there is definitely not NEARLY enough dick being licked.

#11068 +(282)- [X]

<Zarzig> If i had a cup of liquid nitrogen right now, i would drink it.
<Zarzig> Granted my stomach would solidify and i would die in a matter of seconds...
<Zarzig> but at least my underwear woulden't be so sweaty...

#13954 +(119)- [X]

<TripleAgent> well i didnt really, but ive poked my cats testicles...theyre are big...for a cat

#15675 +(132)- [X]

<Sysco:#cisco> girlfriend#wr e
<Sysco:#cisco> girlfriend#reload
<Sysco:#cisco> there, now she's a blonde

#23396 +(36852)- [X]

<Eurakarte> RETORT

#33205 +(194)- [X]

<radez> i tried slitting my wrist 3 days ago cuz i realized that my life sucked but then
<radez> i wanted to watch coyote ugly

#33288 +(75)- [X]

<tobeornot> ruff ryders anthem is unforgettable
<trips> cause its so horrible
<trips> like if you see a dead body
<trips> that would be unforgettable too
<trips> cause its out of the ordinary
<trips> and its definitely not a good thing

#34279 +(41)- [X]

<Gamer55|FUCKYOU> nah, the thing is me and wacko luv eachother, we have 20 babies :)
<Gamer55|FUCKYOU> i ate them all tho :(
<mik3y> whoa
<mik3y> 20 babies and you're 20
<Gamer55|FUCKYOU> theory!
<mik3y> and wacko is like 12
<Mojo> :O
<mik3y> explain the math on that one
<Threeboy> if there's grass on wacko's feild, I play ball.

#37005 +(522)- [X]

<WitChie> gary i forgot to ask you how was amsterdam?
<daimonic> Ah twas brilliant :)
<daimonic> Well we were wasted for a lot of the time ;)
<daimonic> I nearly got run over by a tram a couple times
<daimonic> They just come flying out of nowhere!
<daimonic> Then it dawned on us after walking about 10 miles on friday ... why dont we USE the trams??

#37035 +(145)- [X]

* stupidMM shoots Sio in the face
* Sio pulls out his awp - scopes twice - pulls the trigger and head shots stupidMM
<stupidMM> hrm. not bad with someone who just got shot in the face

#39824 +(364)- [X]

<ttyR2> mebe I'll hard wire an external modem to make DTMF tones and hook it to the phone line for those pesky sales calls
<MtDew> just get an air horn
<ttyR2> I happen to have one
<ttyR2> runs off a bottle of CO2 from my paintball gun
<MtDew> my parents used to have a small one sitting next to the phone
<MtDew> any telemarketer got a blast in their ear
<Magus> "Good day, sir, I represent the Hotsy Totsy Aluminum Siding Co., and...." HOOOOONK! "AAAGH!"
<MtDew> exactly
<Magus> nah, telemarketers are fun to play with
<Magus> my favorites are the credit card guys
<Magus> once I let one go thru his whole pitch, he thought he'd made a sale, then I asked
<Magus> "I just got out of prison 2 weeks ago for credit card fraud, will that hurt anything?"
<Magus> *click*

#49151 +(632)- [X]

<TrueBlue> Little Timmy was a chemist, Little Timmy is no more, 'cause what Little Timmy thought was H20, was really H2S04.

#54794 +(199)- [X]

<ChuckD> so i got a massive summer sausage today
<ChuckD> what happened
<ChuckD> is i was talking about summer sausage
<ChuckD> and my friend said "i can bring ya summer sausage! i have tons!"
<ChuckD> i thought he was joking
<ChuckD> sure enough, he shows up with a massive summer sausage
<ChuckD> people looked at me funny
<ChuckD> i was carrying around a summer sausage, after all
<Dancer_the_Reindeer> or were you just happy to see them?

#60049 +(141)- [X]

<DooD> and for the record i worship kim -_-
<``Erik> kim? one of my playtoys is named kim
<DooD> you name your blowup dolls?

#75781 +(297)- [X]

* Volt9000 gazes through binoculars at DopefishJustin "And here we have the nerd, in his natural habitat, the Star Trek convention. Notice his pale skin and thick glasses, typical of the species nerdius nevergonnagetlaidius."

#77390 +(391)- [X]

<StmChser> sex is like math
<StmChser> - the clothes, + the bed, / the legs, ...and pray to god you don't multiply.

#87517 +(1371)- [X]

<Cotton Mouth> How do you describe the color blue to someone who is blind and has never seen a color before?
<NickBlasta> 0 0 255

#98040 +(412)- [X]

<q[merlyn]> lem... know any good austin Perl hackers for hire?
<q[merlyn]> I'm on a hunt for one for a friend.
<archon> for a job?
<Stupid_> No, in his spare time merlyn bow-hunts for perl programmers by their scent.

#111649 +(66)- [X]

SlapsterMcFlash: you know what
Phatpandas: what?
SlapsterMcFlash: if you shake your penis long enough, some juice comes out of it
Phatpandas: some women drink that, i heard
SlapsterMcFlash: ewww..who drinks pea?

#126275 +(1187)- [X]

<EVILteddy> a couple of morman missionarys came to my door this morning
<EVILteddy> hehehe\
<Bakaneko-kun> whatd you do?
<EVILteddy> mum had a cows heart out for the cats dinner
<EVILteddy> i took it to the door and took a huge bite of it
<Bakaneko-kun> really?
<EVILteddy> yep
<EVILteddy> it tasted horrible
<EVILteddy> it was raw and bloody
<EVILteddy> they called me a heritec and ran soooo fast^_^
<EVILteddy> i was pissing my self laughing all day it was like the best thing ive ever done to a morman

#147279 +(182)- [X]

* hunterkll kneels and prays liek a good knight
<hunterkll> hunterkll: you have earned 10 virtue points and 5 strengthpoints
<hunterkll> and access to two hints
<hunterkll> heh :D
<jgannon> However, you still have -8 charisma.

#176169 +(609)- [X]

<Sarah> the first Matrix was damn nice for an action movie. for an action movie.
<Odin> Corny as hell endings.
<Johnny> Yes.
<Odin> Someone dies. Hell, let's bring 'em back to life with a kiss, it works in Disney flicks!
<Sarah> Neo kisses Smith?
<Sarah> thanks for spoiling it for me, asstart.

#187930 +(630)- [X]

Flint62704: Maybe someone should invent floating point D&D
Flint62704: Roll a d[1,6]
Flint62704: I got 4.4546347578554!
Flint62704: Sorry, he still has 0.000002425 hp left
Flint62704: You lose

#219761 +(426)- [X]

<Tremolo> They tried to shove Christianity down my throat
<Zenith> That's not where you're supposed to *shove* Christianity!  Look at the priests!  They know what they're doing.

#239582 +(430)- [X]

<@Zero_C> This game makes me happy
<@Zero_C> http://www.fairyland.com.my/
<@Zero_C> It has faries ^_^
<@Zero_C> I feel like a 3 year old queer boy all over again
<@Zero_C> What the fuck
<@Zero_C> It wants my social security number

#387433 +(588)- [X]

<OppeSnopp> anyone know how to clear the history out of explorer's damned "textbox memory"? (dont
            wont my wife to get 'black monseter cocks' when she's going to do a google that starts          
            with the letter b)

#444728 +(430)- [X]

< quinn> There are three R's to windows tech support: "Restart, Reboot, Reinstall"

#512736 +(3124)- [X]

omgsean123: so anyway, heisenberg is speeding down the street and he gets pulled over by a cop
omgsean123: and the cop is like "do you know how fast you were going?"
omgsean123: and he says "no, but i know exactly where i am!"

#546800 +(1192)- [X]

<Dogan> but I knew this one mathematician guy in college
<Dogan> he tried to apply for a grant to get funding for his project
<Dogan> and on the form he said his project involved "studying the effects of tropical vacations on mathematicians"

#628866 +(431)- [X]

Ignus Firestorm: Do that shit again and I'm getting back on my other SN.
Ignus Firestorm: And you'll never hear from me again.
Ignus Firestorm: =]
CanYouSaySanity:  Oh...darn....
CanYouSaySanity:  ...
CanYouSaySanity: That was by far, the worst threat in the history of mankind.
CanYouSaySanity: It wouldn't even work on France.

#733200 +(687)- [X]

<Jonathan> So, let's assume I have a display connected via DVI.
<jimmy> yes jonathan your porno will be crystal clear
<Jonathan> jimmy: but I like my porno to be all smeary and blurry like I'm in an adult theater with some fat smelly guy pulling his crank behind my seat!
<jimmy> then you need to use the native windows drivers for your video card
<Jonathan> Okay, thanks.

#839112 +(2185)- [X]

<Evan> Real Swiss chocolate? Like from actual Sweden?

#891290 +(1410)- [X]

<@max> I wonder if uniball has ever thought of getting lance armstrong to sponsor their pens

0.1559 21090 quotes approved; 573 quotes pending
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