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#90 +(711)- [X]

<matt`> It is illegal to use UNIX in conjunction with a member of the opposite sex. This could prevent copulation-2.1.3-20.i386.tar.gz from compiling correctly.

#1553 +(691)- [X]

<ckx> i hate when i find other people's underwear sitting on my toothbrush in the bathroom
<ckx> i fucking clean my mouth with that thing
<ckx> i don't want no skank ass panties on top of it at 8 fucking am
*** skmt changes topic to '<ckx> i hate when i find other people's underwear sitting on my toothbrush in th'
<ckx> yah that's pretty funny
<ckx> almost as funny as picking pubic hair out of your teeth

#1860 +(325)- [X]

<DigiGnome> When you recognise most of the links from Portal of Evil because they're on your favourites list, that's the time to start worrying.

#2041 +(446)- [X]

<Mr_Durden> no wonder superman's ship is powered by the only thing that can kill him
<Mr_Durden> it was designed by a canadian

#2179 +(367)- [X]

<Son-Doobi> i've been thinking man
<Son-Doobi> today is 10 11 01
<Son-Doobi> thats binary shit
<Son-Doobi> we living in the binary age

#5020 +(535)- [X]

<iban> when i was your age all i had was a mac, and photoshop
<iban> if i wanted an online gf i had to draw her

#6398 +(26)- [X]

<James> well i was walking down the street the other day
<James> not paying attention to the 40 foot beast of a dong in my pants
<James> when it slipped out and was laying across a 6 lane highway
<James> thank god it was late out
<James> i pulled it back in right as a car drove by
<garorm> thank god, the car would have been totaled

#6562 +(8979)- [X]

<skrike> I think the people above me are having sex
<skrike> either that or they're sleeping restlessly and agreeing with each other a lot.

#10798 +(1821)- [X]

<Sparky> My new years resolution is 1280x1024.

#15744 +(138)- [X]

<kavonr> our new senior unix sysadmin can't change the ip address on a sun

#17771 +(25)- [X]

<suffocate> i wanna know if thewre are any Visual Basic packets
<suffocate> under linux
<suffocate> ???

#26716 +(133)- [X]

* ogw is zooming along at 650
* ogw looks like that guy from the memorex commercials when he's sitting at his computer
<fo0bar> is it live?
<ogw> has anyone ripped that off yet?
<ogw> or have I just predicted the next Dell campaign
<ogw> "Is it dead?  Or is it DellŪ?"

#26968 +(233)- [X]

<LilGCube740-> im not an idiot i just dont like things that are too comlicated

#29046 +(1583)- [X]

<zamros> My names Nickie.Im a 17 year old mommie to a beautiful 13 month old little girl(born July 21,2001).Im also 19 weeks pregnant with what is believed to be a boy..and our last child! Our meaning my husband.He's 19 years old and in the army.We've been together 3 years and married for almost 1. We're currently stationed in Fort Bragg,NC. Look forward to reading all your posts!
<zamros> DEAR NICKIE
<zamros> SINCERELY,
<zamros> GOD

#31547 +(738)- [X]

<Porridge> after the prom... we went to stay at this girls house... they had an assload of good CDs and CD-Rs and a burner
<bmk> you went to a girls house after prom..... and you were thinking about burning cd's?

#33291 +(137)- [X]

<Levi> lol i walk upto girls and say asl :/

#34518 +(111)- [X]

Slaine^ (_darkslay@xxx) Quit (Along a great power comes great responsibility...this is my gift and my curse)
Slaine^ (_darkslay@xxx) has joined #dransik
<Argantonis> Slaine^!
<Argantonis> your quit message has been annoying me for weeks now
<Argantonis> get it right already
<Argantonis> how on earth did you make up "along a great power" ?
<hoxu> :D
<Slaine^> o.O
<Slaine^> dunno:)
<Slaine^> does it mean something?
<Argantonis> no
<Argantonis> if you are referring to spiderman, it is With great power
<Slaine^> oh...that's good:b
<hoxu> hahah :D
<Argantonis> I'm dead serious
<Argantonis> :)
<Slaine^> ok i changed it
<Argantonis> good :)
<Slaine^> i'll show you
*** Slaine^ (_darkslay@xxx) Quit ([16:02:17] <@Argantonis> how on earth did you make up "along a great power" ?)
*** Slaine^ (_darkslay@xxx) has joined #dransik
<Argantonis> lol

#37394 +(148)- [X]

<Tuxishimo> The old bus station toilets were closed down because people were wiping shit on the toilet paper.
<Tuxishimo> Then throwing it at the wall.
<GM-Mark> ew..
<GM-Mark> why would they do that?
<Tuxishimo> Fun?
<GM-Mark> is that customary in Britain?
<Tuxishimo> Yes. It's part of immigration too.
<Tuxishimo> You stand there.
<Tuxishimo> And have shit thrown at you.

#38354 +(946)- [X]

[Rascal] : Well, fuck angelicon, he's weird
[@Unknown_Source] : Dogs are weird and dumb
[@djjason] : Agreed
[@Unknown_Source] : I mean, wave the biscuit, and the dumbass dogs comes
* Unknown_Source waves a biscuit
[Join (#afterhoursdjs)] : [DJAngelicon]
[@Unknown_Source] : ...

#45990 +(98)- [X]

<KutDrop> there's not much worse than IRC porn spammers with bad English skills.
<KutDrop> I'm sick of claiming to the top of my orgasms.
<@Habeeb> hahahha
<@Habeeb> that is great KutDrop
<KutDrop> I don't want to claim them.  I want to HAVE them.
<KutDrop> :
<roto> can you buy them on ebay?
<KutDrop> I'm sure in some indirect way, yes.
<roto> cool

#46711 +(54)- [X]

<qrg> i dont want to commercialize my orgasms

#49315 +(127)- [X]

<Nerd> IE closed while I was logging in and now when I try to open it, it triggers a fatal exception.
<MikeyPain> hmmm
<Nerd> I really don't want to be forced into using the AOL browser, damn it.
<MikeyPain> Does it say "Click Yes if you have a small penis?" and then won't let you click no?
<Nerd> Exactly.

#51899 +(349)- [X]

<Cow> the night is young! so young that If I were to have sex with it, it wouldn't know what I was doing, would be scarred for life and develop multiple personality disorder to evade the shock!
<Cow> ....
<Cow> ...
<Cow> seriously.

#52747 +(744)- [X]

<WrkEagle> Phalynx: Ah, but can you conjugate "Vodka?"
<Phalynx> WrkEagle: Sure, the past tense is "money", and the future tense is "drunk"

#56836 +(643)- [X]

<Wohali> girls kissing on cbc
<math> WOOHOO!!!
<math> YAY CANADA!
<Wohali> now there's two boys getting ready to kiss.
<math> oh thats just gay

#62790 +(99)- [X]

<FlipTopBx> damnit, last night i fell asleep with my space heater on.
<FlipTopBx> i had three boxes of Cracker Jack, each with the contents fused together into a sort of super-popcorn.
<nitrifik_> neat
<nitrifik_> eat them
<FlipTopBx> heh.  that would be the obvious thing to do.  i'm not in the process of trying to "thaw" them out.

#65618 +(120)- [X]

<Baker> They look like they wouldn't exactly be intulectials though :D

#71573 +(454)- [X]

<saxxonpike> in the restroom in a walmart once, i shouted really loudly "DAMN THIS WATERS COLD" and i heard a plop in the next stall and he said "yeah, it's cold over here too"

#72222 +(308)- [X]

<Kythren> I think it would be hilarious if North Korea decided to launch a pre-emptive attack on the US while we're busy messing around with Iraq.
<Ryuujin> Kythren, NK has already warned they will
<Ryuujin> if the US doesn't stop shoving their troops into south korea
<Kythren> Coming soon from Jerry "I love explosions" Bruckheimer:
<Kythren> Pearl Harbor II : North Korea Strikes First!
<Ryuujin> Pearl Harbor III: We really should have seen it coming after the last two times
<Silence> If that wasn't so serious it might even be funny
<Kythren> Eh, I'll probably still be laughing about it when I'm being dragged up against the wall by their troops.

#72246 +(345)- [X]

<AT-afk> fuckin dog just ate my mom's dentures
<AT-afk>whoa is she pissed ()
<AT-afk>i think so neway...kinda hard to understand her on the phone with them out

#78507 +(154)- [X]

<@Stakker> argh. our CTO just came from Game Designers Convention in the US. our games are too complicated for americans. they're asking for one-button conversions :-D

#101881 +(2494)- [X]

bloodninja: Ok baby, we got to hurry, I don't know how long I can keep it
ready for you.
j_gurli3: thats ok. ok i'm a japanese schoolgirl, what r u.
bloodninja: A Rhinocerus. Well, hung like one, thats for sure.
j_gurli3: haha, ok lets go.
j_gurli3: i put my hand through ur hair, and kiss u on the neck.
bloodninja: I stomp the ground, and snort, to alert you that you are in my
breeding territory.
j_gurli3: haha, ok, u know that turns me on.
j_gurli3: i start unbuttoning ur shirt.
bloodninja: Rhinoceruses don't wear shirts.
j_gurli3: No, ur not really a Rhinocerus silly, it's just part of the game.
bloodninja: Rhinoceruses don't play games. They f*cking charge your ass.
j_gurli3: stop, cmon be serious.
bloodninja: It doesn't get any more serious than a Rhinocerus about to
charge your ass.
bloodninja: I stomp my feet, the dust stirs around my tough skinned feet.
j_gurli3: thats it.
bloodninja: Nostrils flaring, I lower my head. My horn, like some phallic
symbol of my potent virility, is the last thing you see as skulls collide
and mine remains the victor. You are now a bloody red ragdoll suspended in
the air on my mighty horn.
bloodninja: Goddam am I hard now.

#106661 +(573)- [X]

<timb> I went into a local burger resturaunt, just a local town king if thing, pretty small, and I was wearing my I dig Mac OS X shirt
<Toad> geek
<timb> and the girl at the counter, really cute, about 18 or 19 went "I like your shirt!"
<timb> and I went w00t! and she smilled the biggest smile and winked at me
<Toad> you _said_ "w00t!"? wow
<timb> yes, I said w00t
<Toad> like "double u zero zero t"?
<timb> no
<Toad> like "woot"
<timb> just plain woot

#113032 +(1084)- [X]

<Inuyasha> Those guys at bash must have some sort of auto-accept system with quotes
<Inuyasha> Either that or the guys that approve them are both racist and blind

#121295 +(609)- [X]

<Bravo56> How the hell is a penguin considered a bird? It can't fly!
<Gremhawk> It has wings?
<Bravo50> Ya, and I have man titties, that doesn't make me a woman.
<Gremhawk> No, that just makes you a man with larger than normal breasts.
<Bravo56> Go suck a dick.
<Gremhawk> Your the woman, you do it. I'll just tell you how good it is.
<Bravo56> I hate you.

#122771 +(284)- [X]

<WatashiWa> *eats more moldy bread*
<WatashiWa> I'm gonna get kinky in a few minutes with some peanut butter. ^_^
<mystic_knight> ....
<Krelian|Owned> ....
<WatashiWa> ....
<mystic_knight> i feel sorry for your dog

#157328 +(636)- [X]

<babywafn> ew
<babywafn> all they had was
<babywafn> diet caffeine free pepsi twist
<babywafn> which is basically pepsi's way of saying 'FUCK YOU'

#234735 +(1752)- [X]

<Clinton> "Here in canada, we have a special program to deal with the homeless, its called "winter""

#280927 +(909)- [X]

<+[GG]Kou> Wow, I was in the bathroom, reading the comic strips, and I came across one I liked, and so I thought "wow I wonder what the score on this one is" and I was expecting something like (894), but instead, it said "Dilbert". :(
<+GPT> wtf is wrong with you... lol
<hi> yeah seriously you fuckin loser who the hell reads dilbert

#338911 +(619)- [X]

ln3: someone just told me he was board.
ln3: *morns the loss of grammar and spelling*
ln3: ...fuck.

#379015 +(210)- [X]

SlythDra: Thou shalt not rewire the coffee maker to insult the parentage of anyone who uses it.

#433666 +(1305)- [X]

<Dr.Jew> So im training to become technician/consumer sales representative and the instructor tells us we get to listen to a few of the most outrageous calls theyve recorded. He plays the first one and, I couldnt make this up, a guy calls in and is telling the rep that his mouse is all the way on the left edge of the mousepad but he needs the pointer to go to the left some more. After about 15 minutes of nerdy laughter, he asks this kid what he would say in a situation like that and the kid says "Sir, based on my interpretation of the information you gave me, I suggest purchasing one of our larger mousepads.".

#623871 +(323)- [X]

<Omini> Worst... day... ever...
<Omini> I was on the crapper, and my right big toe hurt a little - so while I took a crap I decided to investigate...
<Omini> As soon as I took my sock off, I swear - the smell from my feet and the smell from my crap collided - if it was a movie, it would have cut scene to a nuclear explosion.

#628786 +(1582)- [X]

<yogurt1> dude, the saddest thing happend today. My mom woke me up at fucking 9 in the morning, cause our garbage can blew open and spread it all around the street. So I throw on clothes and go out to clean. It takes me fucking 2 hours to finish it. Then some punk kid comes by and kicks it over, and it all blows away again. I go up to this kid and I say "You stupud fuck clean it" this punk ass kid says to me "haha fuck that".
<yogurt1> I couldn't hear him because I had earmuffs but I knew thats what the kid says. So after mouthing off I punch the kid in the face and walk home. like an hour later the kids mom comes to the door and says shes going to sue me for punching...her 13 year old daughter.
<benji443> HAHA LMAO!
<jiirco> ROFL YOU PUNCHED A GIRL!!!!!!!!!
<yogurt1> She was wearing a hat and a hood for fuck sakes!

#713158 +(982)- [X]

A> I lost my virginity around 5 years ago.
Rice> Virgin by choice
Random> heh
Pork> Whose choice Rice?

#736374 +(799)- [X]

<Analogy> The Voyager 1 spacecraft has travelled approximately 2.5 billion miles since the announcement of Duke Nukem Forever

#743307 +(296)- [X]

<mentor> How do you escape handcuffs?
<fudge> Are you in handcuffs?
<fudge> Depend very much on the design.
<fudge> Well-designed handcuffs are, unsurprisingly, quite hard to escape.
<fudge> Houdini's stuff was mostly based on having hidden bits of metal that could be used to pick the lock.
<mentor> backslashes
* fudge hits mentor

#800849 +(793)- [X]

<DonMuttoni_> what do you do when you've fallen in love with your best friends ex after shooting her down, sending him to the hospital with a drug overdose, and then running over her deaf cat.... all two weeks before you leave the continent....?
<KingOfAll> Leave a fortnight early.

#941619 +(397)- [X]

<cabooserwar> usr/bin/Laden: command not found

#948538 +(705)- [X]

<girl> so what's new?
<jsn> just got out of an abusive relationship
<girl> whoa, what happened?
<jsn> decided to stop abusing her

0.1492 21059 quotes approved; 219 quotes pending
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