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#49 +(2133)- [X]

<TheFlux> give me a chick with lips the size of that guy from aerosmith or something
<scarf> why dont you just get the guy from aerosmith

#228 +(1275)- [X]

<Guilty> Nov 27 23:45:02 Box1 MormonGuard[20721]: Mormons be tryin' to break into y0 system!
<Guilty> Thank god for you MormonGuard

#439 +(286)- [X]

<Lyre-work> <-- soon to be my perm nick =(

#3995 +(470)- [X]

<Donitz> Sleep! From Blamco! Its kinda like dying - but without the commitment!

#5508 +(424)- [X]

<[ric]> fucking dicks
<[ric]> we have a huge flat screen LCD display in out presentation room
<[ric]> it's worth about 10,000
<[ric]> and now it has "It is safe to switch off your computer" burn into the screen
<roded> hehe
<nakkew> LOL
<Object> hehe
<nakkew> thank god it wasnt a pr0n site burnt into the screen
<nakkew> wouldnt look good for customers

#5701 +(606)- [X]

<ssptg> fuck i deleted msn again
<Straylight> good
<Straylight> did you get all of it?

#6565 +(316)- [X]

<barkode> it's all about getting drunk at defcon, and waking up the next morning in a ditch, with a TRS-80, a wireless modem, a
sombero, a pair of high heels, an angry midget and you're dressed like a mariachi.

#6870 +(548)- [X]

Brucha: I've heard a Kirk/Spock/Scotty slash done similarily.  It haunts my nightmares, I don't need a wrestling equivalent added.  :)  "The Vulcan emotion is strong and powerful...I, I can't contain it all..."  "You get that thing away from him!"
Jim Smith: So, Kirk and Spock had an orgy and didn't invite Bones?  I mean, who's gonna give you more gay sex satisfaction?  A Scotsman?  Or a guy named "Bones"?
Brucha: Something like that...  Scotty stumbles upon them, tries to break it up, and then falls to the passion...
Jim Smith: He's such a slut...
TangleToy: *wipes off screen*  I swear.  Why I bother trying to drink anything while in here is beyond me.

#7275 +(426)- [X]

[Leviath] I have a funny tingle in my nose. At 3:30pm I ate some Kettle Chilli chips and went into this coughing/snorting fit and coughed a small piece of chilli chip up my nose and snorted it out. It burned like HELL and I in turn created a scene being the 27 year old crying gayboy with a bag of chips in one hand and some printer paper I used to blow my nose on in the other :(((

#7444 +(6219)- [X]

<Paradox> So, guys, I have some news.
<Paradox> I know I usually don't talk much about stuff unless it's solid, but this is interesting, and I think you should know.
<Paradox> I just got an E-mail about an interesting proposition.
* volsung_ perks up.
<Paradox> Apparently, there are lesbians that want my 'hard cock.'
* volsung_ flips Paradox the bird.
<volsung_> :)
<Paradox> They want it 'now,' apparently, so the timetable is somewhat limited.
<volsung_> Are you going to just take their offer as presented, or is there an opportunity for negotiation?
<Paradox> I'm not sure.
<volsung_> I'm sure your hard cock is in great demand.  An exclusive deal might not be in your best interest.
<Paradox> Last time I got an offer like this, there were some catches.

#7555 +(38)- [X]

[anakin] man i love microsoft visio
[Bayls] yeah, and thanks for answering my question about it earlier. :)
[anakin] what question did you have?
[Bayls] how well does it sniff out your network and give you a diagram with Ipaddresses etc?
[Bayls] is it visio enterprise?
[anakin] not sure, i havent tried it yet
[anakin] na i only have professional
[Bayls] It should say it on the box. if it says "enterprise", it's the enterpr.... ooooh, there IS NO BOX, is there? :)
[anakin] does error checking etc too for ERD, data flow, structure charts, etc too
[Bayls] sensational!
[annie] you have NO idea what he just said, do you bayls? ;)
[anakin] even gives you an output box at the bottom telling you any errors as you go along ... like a compiler .. heh
[Bayls] yeah, he said it's got a spell checker or something in it.

#8540 +(144)- [X]

<helminthes> does anyone else ever notice when you're sex0ring a fat chic it seems like a good idea at the time, but when your done you feel an overwhelming emptiness?
<helminthes> no one?
<hakan> ...
<helminthes> :p

#11087 +(20)- [X]

<Raize> http://www.geekissues.org/quotes/?top
<Raize> I got quoted in the top 50 IRC quotes of all time
<jaguar> !quote
<jaguar> !add quote
<jaguar> how do u add!

#11901 +(159)- [X]

<MikEE-Boy> shit. girls in #mp3rave are like gum in elementary school. you
bring some for yourself, you better have one for everybody.

#12444 +(213)- [X]

<Knamel> but its basically "I may not be the best looking guy in the room, but i'm the only one talking to you" <Knamel> And i follow that line up with "Comon baby, happiness is only a light switch away"

#14531 +(30)- [X]

<homerj`> what do I know? I load slashdot and get a pink screen
<splice> sounds like your sex life

#17837 +(-29)- [X]

<Pete^> I
<Pete^> accidently
<Pete^> :)
<Pete^> married
<Pete^> a guy
<Pete^> ;p

#18457 +(962)- [X]

<Kaltorak> every 7 out of 6 days is a bad day for my typing skils.
<Kaltorak> oh my god.

#23886 +(556)- [X]

slurpee: it's just wrong to be watching some random pr0nclip and it starts out with some hot, hot chick with a hot, hot bod...  then they start speaking german and you're thinking "wait a minute here" and then she lies down and some guy squats over her and WOAH COMMAND-W

#31797 +(330)- [X]

<Dejer> anyone know where the hell Femunda cheese comes from
<InCDeathmeister> Femunda these nuts

#33606 +(863)- [X]

<ThisIsASentenceInANick> Saber, just imagine yourself being gangbanged by moths.  This is what will happen to you if you don't behave.
<Saber> what
<Saber> I didn't do anything
<Saber> and I have a bat
<Saber> I'll fight them off
<ThisIsASentenceInANick> That's not going to help a lot.
<ThisIsASentenceInANick> Can't you just feel their tiny cocks writhing against your skin, Saber?
<ThisIsASentenceInANick> Just straining to reach an orifice?
<ThisIsASentenceInANick> Do you like it?
<ThisIsASentenceInANick> Does it feel good?
<Saber> That's bizarre to the point that it doesn't affect me

#33741 +(226)- [X]

<AkumaBot1.1> why is microsoft so gay?1
<Ark.COM> dude, it's "Micro" and "soft"
<Ark.COM> they fuck with our heads and wallets because they can't fuck anything else

#34241 +(376)- [X]

<AZReDWiNG> i just found out my dad is a giant warez freak
<AZReDWiNG> and he tells me not to download stuff at home
<AZReDWiNG> hes against kazaa and all that crap, hes in some sort of "anti-hacker/warez federation"
<AZReDWiNG> im like "dad... this copy of xp is illegal"
<AZReDWiNG> "yeah, i know son"
<AZReDWiNG> "this copy of xp is on 500 computers at my work"
<AZReDWiNG> "screw microsoft"

#38244 +(273)- [X]

<{GkC}-LiQ[na]> have... to... get... out of... chair
<{GkC}-LiQ[na]> argh
<{GkC}-LiQ[na]> i have to go to the toilet but i've to go all the way down then
<{GkC}-LiQ[na]> downstairs
<{GkC}-LiQ[na]> i'm at the attick
* YoungBlood throws a pie down the stairs
* {GkC}-LiQ[na] runs after it
<Azzid> owned!! :D

#40535 +(28)- [X]

<SilverHorse> so hard to find good playstation isos these days
<SilverHorse> the sites either no longer exist
<SilverHorse> or are friggin french
<SilverHorse> and everyone knows you can't trust the french
<_van_> you can trust them to give up

#45580 +(16)- [X]

<tasha> How long were you in New Zealand dev
<@devdev> went twice
<@devdev> for like, maybe 1 1/2 months
<@devdev> maybe like 6 weeks

#46716 +(29)- [X]

<ateteen> somery: I'm a professional Common Lisp developer and faraday-cage technician.
<sklib> if you mention common lisp again
<sklib> I will fucking put a knife up your butt
<sklib> and carve myself a hamburger

#48934 +(404)- [X]

<Lestat> I can't just turn on the funny like some fountain of funny.
<ally> ...
<ally> why the fuck not?
<Lestat> I have to milk it from the special cows.

#52302 +(216)- [X]

<ClosedGL> tar -xzf willy.gz;touch muh_woody;head -n 1 && mount /cho/momma && echo >$1 "Harder!\n";dd if=/dev/beans of=/cho/momma/face count=1 bs=spoonfull && umount /cho/momma && sleep 15.

#58639 +(18)- [X]

<T`karthon> This is my hard drive assnip, I just don't like having 10 gigs of mp3s slowing my shit down
<Spleen_work> you are a stupid fuck

#58846 +(719)- [X]

<TheThree> your special?
<Mj> you're
<TheThree> sorry my grammer sucks
<Mj> grammar
<TheThree> as dose my spelling
<Mj> does
<TheThree> i give up

#72232 +(797)- [X]

<Dayv> I tell you, nothing works up an appetite like committing serious tax fraud.
<Dayv> wrong window, ignore

#80480 +(21)- [X]

<I_kick_fish> a pirate walks into a bar with a steering wheel coming out of his fly the bartender asks "do you know a steering wheel is coming out of your fly?" the pirate says "yes and its driving me nuts!"

#86232 +(807)- [X]

<Jeff> I'm such a ditz, I dialed my phone number into the microwave

#105605 +(239)- [X]

<Kyou> lemme guess... i'm 12000 in binary?

#105677 +(107)- [X]

<+NoNameAndrew> yeah right, you were rubbing the one eye'd snake to him like I am
<+NoNameAndrew> her*

#166906 +(618)- [X]

<emlodro> what country is exe
<think> binary islands

#212739 +(191)- [X]

<sangre> what operating system do you use?
<sangre> which version of windows?

#218577 +(767)- [X]

<dngnand> Never tell your hairdresser "Make me look like a porn star!"
<nick> espeically without specifying what gender or what decade

#303435 +(-32)- [X]

<TornSoul> what's the difference between a jewish woman and an airplane?
<TornSoul> airplane stops whining when it lands in miami beach

#341298 +(740)- [X]

<Raven> gayanal.com not a warez!

#348507 +(922)- [X]

<Moose> Is a girl I've been shagging for a few months but not really 'going out with', as my heart lies elsewhere.
<Moose> Anyway, cut a long story short, she's moving up to Glasgow in 2 weeks, and as a going away gift for her, my mates between them have offered me 90 if I can film myself performing a 'Spiderman' on her.
<Moose> FYI A 'Spiderman' is the art of pulling out just before the vinegar strokes, chucking your fat into your hand, then flinging it in the girls face whilst triumphantly shouting "Go web go!!"

#402202 +(16)- [X]

<Mr-d> How do you make love to a fat girl?
<Graham> Slap and ride the waves?

#449852 +(896)- [X]

<weht> hahaha this morning i was listening to the radio on the bus, and they were like 'its time for the not-so-impossible question. what do the first 7 gifts in the 12 days of christmas have in common?'
<weht> and this dude calls in and is like 'they are all birds' and they say 'yay you win you get this gay prize'
<weht> and i called in and said 'um, how long have 5 golden rings been birds?' and they said 'oh shit, we screwed that up'

#457531 +(590)- [X]

<sh> I wonder if odor eaters compete for odors, since presumably they need them to survive

#611136 +(550)- [X]

<Ommi> So i was talking to this girl
<Ommi> that i have been talking to for a very long time now on msn messenger
<Ommi> and today i sent her a picture
<Ommi> after that she went offline
<Ommi> and now she's back online and isn't answering anything i say :/

#698150 +(573)- [X]

<Dave> Well. I'mma go shower and then go pick up my friend from jail.
<Dave> I'll be back later.
<Shadowpillar> ask him how big his anus is
<Dave> He's a big dude, no one's going to fuck with him.
<Shadowpillar> ask him how many other people he's cornholed
<Shadowpillar> lol
<Dave> He's been in jail for roughly 5 hours.
<Dave> And he has a girlfriend.
<Dave> I'm betting on a grand total of six.

#699957 +(881)- [X]

<Klaatu> Man, I don't know why your g/f has sex with you so much.  With your micro wang and all.
<Hl1> Psh, it's not the size of the hull.  It's the motion of the ocean.
<Klaatu> Aye, but it's mighty hard to cross the Atlantic in a dingy.

#700435 +(1512)- [X]

<starmantaav> so i just realized yesterday
<starmantaav> i work at a mongolian bbq
<starmantaav> next door to a chinese restaurant
<starmantaav> shouldn't we have a bigass wall between us?

#881704 +(1100)- [X]

<Dr_Memory> I think there's a real argument to be made here that using RAID for home data storage is putting effort into the wrong end of the problem.
<Dr_Memory> when you can buy 2TB disks off the shelf, it's probably substantially simpler to just buy two of them, set up a good backup system, and reap the day-to-day simplicity benefits of one controller -> one disk -> one filesystem.
<Dr_Memory> or to put it another way: your kitten photos do not need the same high-availabity system infrastructure as Citibank's transaction databases :)

0.1515 21090 quotes approved; 573 quotes pending
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