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#187 +(2073)- [X]

*** Topic in #ramen is 'note to sober self: this is drunk skunko, you got laid last night by alycia. YEA'

#245 +(102)- [X]

n e r d b 5: ever farted and the smell stuck to you for like a whole day?

#2892 +(91)- [X]

<FLoBBaSKo> That'd be cool if there was a hermaphrodite that had their dick coming out of their vagina... they wouldn't be able to walk without having an orgasm.

#3160 +(66)- [X]

<Spin0ut> devvie: Hey, it may be short, but it sure is skinny

#3651 +(89)- [X]

[illz] i could maybe play it off him like 'im just taking my autistic friend out he's never had a drink before'

#3830 +(371)- [X]

<ScumDog> the mom-look is sexy though
<ScumDog> don't take it wrong
<nitrifik> ScumDog: what weird fetish do you NOT possess dude?

#3874 +(674)- [X]

<Hostile> And now that i think of it, the west coast should be all renamed to the wastelands
<Scofco> It should be renamed to the east coast
<Scofco> then we would have 2 east coasts
<Scofco> it would rid gang violence
<Scofco> end the east coast / west coast struggle
<Scofco> with a simple name change
<Scofco> I AM THE SMARTEST MAN ALIVE
<Hostile> AGREED

#4394 +(-168)- [X]

<JustOnePepsi> I work at the walmart picture development center just to jerk off to the pics of naked babies taking baths

#5353 +(487)- [X]

<AlmtyBob> k funny story tiem
<AlmtyBob> there's this guy at work
<AlmtyBob> and back in the days
<AlmtyBob> I would tell people to ask him how fast his dad can run
<AlmtyBob> and they would
<AlmtyBob> and he'd say, 'dude that's kinda fucked up, my dad lost his legs in a construction accident'
<AlmtyBob> and he's a total straight-faced mf, so it got the best reactions from people
<AlmtyBob> (it was a joke, his dad was fine)
<AlmtyBob> I got this new dealer to do it to him today, he's a supervisor
<AlmtyBob> I was talking to my friend later and I told him to go up to this chick and ask the same thing
<AlmtyBob> little did he know, her father was murdered a few years back
<AlmtyBob> joke's on him!
<AlmtyBob> well, you had to be there

#7010 +(54)- [X]

<`Kd> theres another good spelling leason

#7334 +(488)- [X]

<NihiMetal> I saw my first porno when I ws 11
<NihiMetal> It had tons of lesbian sex and stuff
<NihiMetal> I use to think that women did that shit with each other all the time
<NihiMetal> You never look at your mother and the preachers wife the same after that

#8215 +(946)- [X]

<DotSPF> man, my mate is a complete div.
<DotSPF> he asked for my help coz he'd forgotten his hotmail password - I go round to see if he's put in a secret question so I can resurrect his account.
<DotSPF> what a prick
<DotSPF> his secret question was 'what is my password'
<DotSPF> i'm gonna go out and see if I can find him a cheap iMac

#8273 +(208)- [X]

(caraKATT): great, i found ready whip in the fridge and I wanted to put it in my coffee, but I think my roomate huffed it, cause it won't foam

#9006 +(306)- [X]

<midi> I wonder how hard it'd be to piece together clips from hogan's heroes into a mentos commercial.

#20750 +(31)- [X]

<Wing_Zero> cyxx: http://www.d8.dion.ne.jp/~marquis/yamato31.jpg
<cyxx> that's like...6
<cyxx> wait..fuck
* cyxx curses his nick
<cyxx> I mean
* Nakago curses 6
* cyxx gives up and goes to the corner

#23105 +(518)- [X]

*** Switch is now known as Jesus
<Jesus> I am GOD!!
*** Quits: Jesus (switch@vividtv.com) (Local kill by Lucifer (Muhahaha) )

#23911 +(246)- [X]

<Guilty> I was in this half-sleep exhausted haze
<Guilty> I was talking to Jesus
<Guilty> In my delusions
<c-rOCK> the guy who mows your lawn?

#26977 +(502)- [X]

<jer|SYIOUX> i only care about sex when I'm horny, when I'm not, I be like "omg eww liek no way"
<MiG-S0up> are you gay?
<jer|SYIOUX> no
<MiG-S0up> cuz if u are thats alright man
<jer|SYIOUX> ...
<MiG-S0up> i mean i always supsected something
<jer|SYIOUX> I'm not gay
<MiG-S0up> i support you 100%
<jer|SYIOUX> stop hitting on me
<MiG-S0up> i'll give u a ride to those gay support rallies
<MiG-S0up> i mean if thats ur thing
<MiG-S0up> cuz its ok
<MiG-S0up> i support you 100%
<jer|SYIOUX> i'm not gay but I do think keanu reeves is hot

#35163 +(233)- [X]

[+escobar] just found out my grandma watches porn
[+escobar] something is serious wrong in the world

#39562 +(56)- [X]

<+Vefantur> lots of .fi bans
<@Cuda> yeah, lots of dumbass finns

Cuda is Cuda@ui117i16hel.dial.kolumbus.fi * ...
Cuda End of /WHOIS list.

#40922 +(180)- [X]

<Pob> GUYS, EVERYWHERE! I just discovered the best chat up line EVER!:
"Does this smell like chloroform to you?"

#45137 +(-11)- [X]

<Xiautau> my nose is running like a negro out of a convinence store

#46735 +(225)- [X]

<soapZOMBIE> when you go to college, you'll be the "old guy" in class
<soapZOMBIE> everyone will say "what the hell is that old guy doing here at college?"
<demizius> better than the bald guy right?
<soapZOMBIE> i wear hats

#48300 +(27)- [X]

<Inno[AoFoKu]> he has been connected to thier cocks by the lips for a while

#52580 +(335)- [X]

<anarch> i think I may assfuck the turks
<anarch> i owe them
<anarch> 2 centuries of occupation has made me bitter
<Mr_Poppinfresh> dude, you're not Serbian
<anarch> im roleplaying

#62632 +(950)- [X]

<prence> oh fuck oh fuck man
<prence> my mom got this new canon digital camera today and they are asleep so i took a picture of my cock and i can't figure out how to delete it
<prence> fuck what the hell do i do?!

#71791 +(279)- [X]

(Craig): watching something on suicide bombers on discovery
(doggie^): lol
(doggie^): wonder how they managed that
(doggie^): not many people to interview or anything

#75563 +(464)- [X]

<Teromen> but have you ever tried doing it to a goat? they look really soft
<Teromen> erm, wrong window :|

#79905 +(460)- [X]

<VC-Scar> anyone wanna help a complete freakin idiot
<ffejdogg> do you have tits?
<VC-Scar> i have nipples..

#105892 +(259)- [X]

<fallen> let me tell ya its hard to keep up when wanking to death metal..

#107245 +(1)- [X]

<WorkLord> nasa uses both systems
<WorkLord> on martian landers
<WorkLord> hehe
<Luigi30> That's why all our stuff explodes
<Luigi30> Especially shuttles
<Luigi30> and Mars landers
<WorkLord> ITS OK EVERYONE
<WorkLord> HES BACK TO STUPID
<WorkLord> armageddon averted
<Luigi30> in Soviet Union, shuttles explode YOU!
* Luigi30 runs around farting
<Luigi30> Yay! I'm stupid!
* Luigi30 explodes leaving a jagged black mark on the ground and some smoke
<Dave2> YAY!!!!

#115960 +(1364)- [X]

* Dante changes topic to 'ChanServ can go suck a cock.'
* ChanServ changes topic to 'Fuck You'

#116503 +(345)- [X]

<tabooli> A drunken friend recently mispronounced "continental drift," and it came out sounding like "cunnilingual drift." We brainstormed a few meanings for cunnilingual drift before settling on this one: When a person's tongue drifts down to a woman's anus, on purpose or by accident, during an intense session of cunnilingus.

#136532 +(94)- [X]

<Amorphis> I just passed with distinction my oral exam for driving licence
<|jenova|> oral exam for driving test...
<|jenova|> dang..strict rules
<PcChip> you have to suck off the instructor ?

#139543 +(293)- [X]

<Treppenwitz> my computer is not seeing my mouse
<Mephistopheles> hold it up in front of the webcam if you have one
<Mephistopheles> then take pictures

#189840 +(1255)- [X]

<Kosh> in LotR all the elves sailed to the "undying lands" to the west.  Continental drift caused those lands to move further north and eventually they were left to spend eternity making toys for their new red-suited overlord

#213194 +(165)- [X]

<speedy> This chick is hot, in a creepy "i'm a rapist" way

#221855 +(515)- [X]

<mindy>why are men so insecure about how long their penises are?
<topbottom>it's not that we're insecure, it's just something we like to keep track of, like our shoe size
<topbottom>men need to know this so that when a chick asks us how long our cock is, we know what to multiply by 1.5
<mikeyL>yeah, so i'd say 6 inches
<mikeyL>wait
<mikeyL>fuck
<topbottom>lol

#239455 +(545)- [X]

[@Killer2{SoB}] WTF
[@Killer2{SoB}] Stupid CNN
[@Killer2{SoB}] "PHILADELPHIA, PA—Researchers at the University of Temple announced yesterday that they had finally discovered a cure for nicotine addicts: smoking cigarettes."
[@Killer2{SoB}] "The only way to effectively fight the cravings associated with the highly-addictive drug, nicotine, is to give your body its supply of desired nicotine, via smoking another cigarette. Smoking allows the nicotine found in cigarettes to travel to your brain in just seven seconds, effectively satisfying the craving.""

#244367 +(1211)- [X]

<@Nosferatu> Sensitive men do exist...
<@Nosferatu> A woman meets a gorgeous man in a bar. They talk, they connect, they end up
<@Nosferatu> leaving together. They get back to his apartment and she notices that his
<@Nosferatu> bedroom is completely packed with sweet cuddly teddy bears. Hundreds of
<@Nosferatu> cute small bears on a shelf all the way along the floor, cuddly
<@Nosferatu> medium-sized ones on a shelf a little higher, and huge enormous bears on
<@Nosferatu> the top shelf along the wall. The woman is surprised that this guy would
<@Nosferatu> have a collection of teddy bears, especially one that's so extensive, but
<@Nosferatu> she decides not to mention this to him, and actually is quite impressed by
<@Nosferatu> his sensitive side. She turns to him... they kiss... and then they rip each
<@Nosferatu> other's clothes off and make hot steamy love.
<@Nosferatu> After an intense night of passion with this sensitive guy, they are lying
<@Nosferatu> there together in the afterglow, the woman rolls over and she asks,
<@Nosferatu> smiling, "Well, how was it?"
<@Nosferatu> The guy says:      
<@Nosferatu> "Help yourself to any prize from the bottom shelf."

#246057 +(-11)- [X]

* bare [~op@kiddie-porn.biz] has joined #brained

#281263 +(841)- [X]

<CloneGamer> dude
<CloneGamer> i just went to put this tape on and its at the bottom of the pile right..
<CloneGamer> so in true table cloth style i yanked it out swiftly
<CloneGamer> also in true table cloth style, it went miserably wrong and like 15 tapes landed on my head
<CloneGamer> and like then my mum come in, wondering wtf the commotion was
<CloneGamer> and like, i was also like a little 'uncovered' cus i was 'polishing'
<CloneGamer> and i see the door move and see her face and covered myself up but my balls were still showing
<CloneGamer> she just looks at me, looks down, looks at the tape, rolls her eyes and walks off
<CloneGamer> i tell you, i aint leaving my room for days :'(

#333309 +(1070)- [X]

<Mike>You don't even know what a foo is
<Chris> of course i do... It's the guy you pity.

#439955 +(429)- [X]

<Zotmaster> i myself would like to meet a woman made out of pie

#453350 +(544)- [X]

<sukumade> i'm out like michael j fox in jenga

#501650 +(1461)- [X]

<RobbiePaul> I'm going to work on an econ paper which states that walmart has hurt america, but not the way most people think
<RobbiePaul> i say by keeping prices low, people that shouldn't survive are able to

#538930 +(681)- [X]

<bda> Wow. Five SMS and already I'm wishing I had the fingers of a 15 year old Japanese girl.
* bda pauses.
<bda> Hmmm.
<SketchCow> I do too
<SketchCow> Wrapped around something

#650334 +(78)- [X]

<@Malf> dude im pranking people on skype
<@Malf> i called this american pizza place
<@Malf> and i go "are you mexican"
<@Malf> "no"
<@Malf> "ok i'd like to order a pizza then"
<@Malf> "sorry we dont sell to racists"

#689328 +(1002)- [X]

Chico: i would never consider her at all
Chico: shes like 100% emo
Chico: to the bone
QueenRen24: aww, but emo kids are so cut
QueenRen24: e

#914350 +(1769)- [X]

<Travis> Why don't you just keep your hair brown?
<Alex> It's not brown
<Alex> It's auburn
<Travis> What the fuck is Auburn?
<Alex> ...
<Rex> He's a guy, he only sees like 10 colours or something, don't do this to him.

0.1629 21047 quotes approved; 279 quotes pending
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