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#549 +(550)- [X]

<DaemoN_> ASHLEY STOP SCRUBBING MY SCHLONG WITH THOSE TREES
<Ashley-> its the only wood you will ever have down there urchin boy

#2515 +(1317)- [X]

<ckx> hrm does anybody else ever think "yep... the internet... vast information and opportunities at my disposal..."
<ckx> and then just sit at the search engine
<ckx> :/

#2913 +(208)- [X]

<Berzerker> what are you goign to pick? 
<ding> HAWT PAWKETS

#4255 +(231)- [X]

<brock101> whats speeds should i get over a lan, with a 10/100 connection ?
<@WheelOr> 10 to 100 Mbits/sec.
<brock101> -_-
<brock101> thanks, i knew that
<brock101> i walked into that one didn`t i
<@WheelOr> I suppose so.

#4765 +(234)- [X]

<m00cow> i'm downloading mozilla rc1
<m00cow> i wonder what its like
<m00cow> i hope mozilla uses its firebreath on microsoft
<m00cow> then eats microsoft
<m00cow> then poos micro soft poopoos
<DCBastard> uh-huh
<DCBastard> how many cones have you smoked tonight?

#5580 +(291)- [X]

<blitzoid> It's got a thousand people saying that you CANNOT live without a "ULTRA RARE FOIL CARD MTG SUPER GOLEM ORC MONSTER FLOWER" card. I don't even like MTG, and these fucks are saying that without these cards my colon will fuse shut and my eyes will melt and drain down my face.

#8113 +(993)- [X]

<q> well, not really. i don't like wearing clothes because i really just rather be baked.
<q> and by baked, and mean, naked.
<q> and by "and mean", i mean "i mean"

#9038 +(182)- [X]

ilsa: well i suppose calculus isn't rocket science and some people can't do that...
MistrE: calc is nearly rocket science
CuriosCat can do rocket science
CuriosCat: it's easier than calculuc
CuriosCat: caalculus

#10471 +(187)- [X]

<hep> you told me!
<hep> all the e is going to your brain :>
<Acheron> isn't that what e is supposed to do?
<Encapsulate> No
<Encapsulate> It goes to your Pee pee
<Acheron> unless you keep your "frontal lobe" in your "pants", that is
<Encapsulate> and activates the secret Pee Pee Power
<Encapsulate> Or PPP
<Encapsulate> "PPP LINK UP!"
<Acheron> what? You become impotent, but you're able to use your wang
modem to dial up to the internet?

#15073 +(218)- [X]

* Suzuran managed to make KDE change all of the text and error messages (even the ones in shell windows) to Japanese.
<kinzillah> Suzuran: can you read them though?
<Suzuran> kinzillah: Hell no. ^_^

#17086 +(564)- [X]

<kethepoo> i remember the first time windows said "this program has performed an illegal operation and will be shut down", and i was worried that they found out about the porn i had looked at

#22859 +(411)- [X]

<@Iceman> OW i just stabbed myself in the eye with a mechanical pencil
<@Iceman> was trying to get it to stick in my ceiling, it fell in my eye

#24942 +(121)- [X]

icecubes32: i don't like small tvs
icecubes32: i have to squint
fromullins: you are always squinting
fromullins: you're chinese

#27444 +(266)- [X]

<Aximili> WHAT THE DAMN HELL WAS THAT AHHHHHH
<Nicklon> ·Aximili· => puberty

#29317 +(512)- [X]

<Logik-> ymir wants to hire a personal assassin to kill me
<Logik-> <---- has land mines in his yard
<tra__> what happens when the grass cutter comes to clip the lawn?
<Logik-> tra__, they're not allowed to mow certain spots :P
<tra__> so the hitman just treads through the mowed spots, since its easier to walk there anyway?

#33573 +(503)- [X]

<LuciferOmega> STEPHEN HAWKING'S PRO WHEELCHAIR 2!

#33702 +(1789)- [X]

<BlackHawk> LULU: I don't know why you wear a bra; you've got
nothing to put in it.
<LULU> You wear pants don't you?

#34265 +(-3)- [X]

<Annieland> i have beautiful skin
<Annieland> some people are just jealous
<rajn> no you don't
<rajn> you're fucking ugly
<Annieland> i do too
<Annieland> fuck you
<Annieland> i'm beautiful
<rajn> fuck you
<rajn> get hepatitis

#34396 +(31)- [X]

*** billn has quit IRC (jeezus larz, not so hard, yer gonna damage my colon)

#34773 +(341)- [X]

<Mxeil> You have a g/f right
<DakotaKid> Mxeil: No.
<Mxeil> DK: How can I guy as intellectual as you not have a girl!
<DakotaKid> Mxeil: Maybe because I have a boyfriend.
<Mxeil> DK: Your a girl?
<DakotaKid> Mxeil: Listen numbnut... I'm male. I have a boyfriend. Do I need to spell it out any clearer?
<Wrexen> dk I think you need to explain the whole 'plumbing' of having a boyfriend instead of a girlfriend

#36416 +(251)- [X]

<Kris> Gay men, after diamonds, are a girl's best friend

#38302 +(371)- [X]

<Alien> there's not 365 weeks in a year xjeff
<xjeff> enless it's a leap year

#40480 +(618)- [X]

* DarkScream watched some kid get hit by a car.
(DarkScream) On his bike too.
(DarkScream) The front end of the bike exploded, i almost got hit by the shrapenal
(DarkScream) I woulda helped.. but.
(DarkScream) I was laughing too hard and stuff.
(Sklathill) o_o;;
(DarkScream) I hurt my neck rolling on the ground.
(Vulpes) I feel less bad about laughing when I read about it, now.
(DarkScream) Laughing, of course.
(Riffraff) ...is the kid okay?
(DarkScream) Of course not.

#43731 +(525)- [X]

<ap> i have this new way of jacking off now. i blow my load on notebook paper. then just make a paper airplane and fly it out my window

#45305 +(336)- [X]

<kurtis> I love electronics, always have been a tinkerer of such things
<kurtis> it all started when I was 7, and wired a train set directly to a wal socket...and shot the train through my bedroom wall
<kurtis> suddenly I understood the difference from AC to DC heh

#47457 +(498)- [X]

<@keoki> If he is, however, constantly harassing you, then report it to an IRCop.
<Rogue> Report it to chanserv
<@ChanServ> Report it to me? Bleh, I am just here to aid with channel help, and op you silly mortals.
<Rogue> ChanServ doesn't normally talk back to me, he is like the god on IRC, i believe!
<@ChanServ> And I said, let there be services! and it was so.

#47750 +(324)- [X]

tchristney: Cheating is like masturbation. Feels good while you're doing it but once you're finished it only emphasizes how empty and shallow your life really is.

#48206 +(1964)- [X]

<spil0ink> is it pronounced live or live?
<Shit_Pifter> live
<spil0ink> thanks
<Shit_Pifter> np

#49909 +(146)- [X]

<Amuck50> my buddy shane just started contemplating what the world would be like without boobs
<Amuck50> i think he just scared himself

#58067 +(164)- [X]

<ace> type //run c:\con\con
*** voonilla (gsfgdg@202.76.41.19503) Quit (Read error to voonilla: Connection reset by peer)
*** voonilla (gsfgdg@202.76.41.10540) has joined #3GIMPS
<voonilla> fark yew
<voonilla> i had to like pull my computer out of the wall
<voonilla> coz this fatal action thing wouldnt go away
<voonilla> and my computer wont turn off if u push  the button
<voonilla> coz if u shut it down it turns off by itself and shit
<voonilla> and so I HAD TO PULL IT OUT OF THE FUCKING WALL
<voonilla> AND ITS ALL UR FUCKING FAULT

#59731 +(334)- [X]

<Anatole> That bot was from Russia.
<Anatole> And there's a e-mail address, as well!
<Rev> Russian...so it begins...
<Anatole> And a name.
<Anatole> Eeeeeeenteresting.
<DeadSnake> so, it seems we are having a new cold war now
<RAPEAPE> yeah
<DeadSnake> but it will not be fought on our lands, or our seas, or in the air, but in our homes, on IRC
<RAPEAPE> SAQ vs SOVIETS
<Rev> They struck first, with porn-bots.  But will the americans retaliate?
<DeadSnake> WE SHALL RETALIATE
<DeadSnake> but porn-bots we won't send, but email viruses!
<Rev> Mmm macros and attachments most vile.
<DeadSnake> we will contract the best hackers that china has to offer, then we do a preemptive strike on russia with a low level version of klez
<DeadSnake> then, when their defenses are down, we do a full on retaliatory strike with a modified version of the "Love Bug" virus
<Rev> Contact CNN, they'll have to get to work on their theme music.

#60904 +(-609)- [X]

<Squiggle> Also:the bottom ones [on bash.org] are some of the best
<Squiggle> They're all about niggers
<Squiggle> Niggers  =  funny
<Sulzanti> Not if you have to be in smelling distance

#70307 +(26)- [X]

<[Binary]> How do I block pornsites and stuff in Windows? My aunt just got a huge bill after her kids had been surfing.

#76204 +(209)- [X]

<fragglet> ralphis = fat
<Ralphis> i am not!
<darknation> small objects are orbiting you
<darknation> planet ralphis
<darknation> the Gas Giant

#76595 +(303)- [X]

<%NuttO> Yeah, kids are stupid. I open up the back of my van and say, "Hey, kid, want to see something cool?" and they always fall for it.

#78507 +(158)- [X]

<@Stakker> argh. our CTO just came from Game Designers Convention in the US. our games are too complicated for americans. they're asking for one-button conversions :-D

#97942 +(282)- [X]

<Dabz> u know i'm currently being paid to sit home reading bash
<FuzzBuzz`> lol
<Dabz> sick pay rules
<Dabz> mind u, i would usually be being paid to sit in work and read bash :/

#103371 +(856)- [X]

<acaos> why does bread come in one shape, meat in another, and cheese in a third so when you want to make a sandwich you have to cut and fold and contort to get it right? =)
<leile> hahaha.
<leile> its like food-origami.
<acaos> my thought exactly =)
<acaos> but I have balanced the meat-yin and the cheese-yang and the bread-fu now.
<acaos> the ancient, mystical art of Sandwich-Do.
<leile> hahaha
<leile> HAHAHAHA.

#105939 +(186)- [X]

<MikeSweetser> I've seen DAP pics before.
<MikeSweetser> And DAFP pics as well.
<JamesFnX> Mike: DAFP?
<MikeSweetser> Double Anal Fist Penetration.
<P|MP> "find your keys yet?" :)

#137969 +(192)- [X]

<[Max]Kaz> does any1 know if I can extract a bit of a movie without all the files?
<[Max]Kaz> Its p0rn so I dont need all of it

#140791 +(2353)- [X]

NeoNess: My cell phone rang in the church and everyone looked at me.
I answered it and someone told me to turn it off.
I told them it was god and he was furiously angered at them, and he would smite them with his holy fist.
I proceeded to scream "Repent!" at the top of my voice.
long story short, I dont have to go to church anymore

#178102 +(1893)- [X]

<eric> awright spam u can use
<eric> "Like to see hot jizz spit all over an unsuspecting teen's face? These young teen girls love taking hot cum right in the face."
<siva> "unsuspecting"?
<eric> DAD CAN I GO TO THE MALL I NEED SOME NEW BARETTES AND %(#*&%!( HOLY GOD

#182743 +(921)- [X]

* larra has joined #Hentai
<larra> u people are terrible!
<larra> my brother attacked our aunt becuae of hentai!
* larra has left #Hentai

#283022 +(525)- [X]

<+DEK> i heard oral sex is better than fucking
<%Disarm10> Uh, depends.
<%Disarm10> On what you're in the mood for.
<%Disarm10> 9 times outta 10, a hand job is perfectly fine.
<+DEK> ahh i guess
<+DEK> masturbation works too
<+DEK> it works for me, since my hands are girly and soft
<+DEK> <33
<%Disarm10> >_> I meant getting one, not giving yourself one, but yea =P
<%Disarm10> lol
<+DEK> its fun watching myself in the mirror cuz it looks like a girl is giving me a handjob
<+DEK> but in reality, it is me
<%Disarm10> ...
<+DEK> masturbating
<+DEK> infront of a fucking mirror
* +DEK cries
* You were kicked by Disarm10 (ZOMG)

#329906 +(26)- [X]

<noan> yay more manga
<pingtimeout> heh
<[I> why is japanese cool and not polish
<[I> wtf
<[I> >:[
<pingtimeout> because polish chicks dont eat their own shit

#367755 +(1450)- [X]

<SPLURGE> bitch tells me i got a drinkin problem
<SPLURGE> i tell her she has an ugly problem and im tryin to make it less obvious
<SPLURGE> we dont get along so well after that

#449122 +(678)- [X]

<SnakesAnd> I have a college degree, a cute dog, I play guitar, a nice house, a brand new Harley, and I'm single
<kizman> *
<kizman> but your ugly
<SnakesAnd> I must be
<SnakesAnd> that's the only thing I can think of

#640231 +(833)- [X]

<DuEy> my grandparents just asked me to send an email to my cousin :\ and they gave me the postal address

#650276 +(1187)- [X]

<Chard> 3x12=36
<Chard> 2x12=24
<Chard> 1x12=12
<Chard> 0x12=18
<Monkey> NERD JOKE

#905679 +(789)- [X]

themuffinman217: so what are the specs on your new system?
themuffinman217: did you benchmarck it?
Treeko: 16khz processor
Treeko: 7 bytes of ram
Treeko: 100 bits of harddrive space
Treeko: a 16x16 monochrome display
themuffinman217: qort36i16[okf[23
Treeko: and the audio can do beeps in both high pitch AND low pitch
themuffinman217: so... dell?

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