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#925 +(257)- [X]

<lele> hypr is something of a "tragic" funny

#1143 +(729)- [X]

<MadHatter> I did a search for "madhatter efnet" on google and the first thing I see is:
<MadHatter> <MadHatter> I cut my tongue shaving
<MadHatter> that's great

#1660 +(7912)- [X]

<DigiGnome> Real life should have a fucking search function, or something.
<DigiGnome> I need my socks.

#1834 +(846)- [X]

[09:50] <Xerox> Hey, anyone who knows Japanese, what does "kikurimu" mean?
[09:52] <Squizzle> "I am a preteen with bouncing breasts."
[09:53] <Zonkto> There are probably three or four words for that.
[09:53] <Zonkto> Sort of like the Eskimos having so many words for snow.

#1862 +(-5)- [X]

<Mass> i have a total of * drum roll plz* 83 Units
<kisama> yeah i have 354 units of nigger blood.
<Guilty> Snow is trying to become a true nigger by way of transfusion
<Guilty> Silly gook

#2219 +(709)- [X]

<SD-Washu> i still love the msg i got on my voicemail earlier
<SD-Washu> that was l33t
<biafra> what
<SD-Washu> oh my voicemail msg is in japanese
<SD-Washu> and someone called and the only thing i heard was "what the fuc...."
<SD-Washu> followed by *click*

#3363 +(183)- [X]

<Nettik> I had some Huge ass guy name Ray try to squeeze the shit out of me
<Nettik> the guy is REAL strong and pretty agile for being big
<Nettik> he grabbe a hold of me and started squeezing, he didnt like it when I kicked his leg out from underneath him too much, but he squeezed harder.  It all depends on how far I was willing to go
<spazzer> <Nettik> and soon i had a nice loaf the size of a breadbox in my drawers

#4774 +(-106)- [X]

<Lucent> i stay in touch with girls after i dewum
<Lucent> in case i need to punch thay jooterus

#5586 +(417)- [X]

| Lavalamp is (~lava@www.childrenpalace.edu.vn])
<@madog> vietnam sucks anyway
<Lavalamp> vn = vietnam?
<Lavalamp> maybe that's why it's so lagged
<@madog> *sigh*
<@Guilty> I figured Vietnam would have a wonderful network of fiber since all the holes were already dug

#6167 +(179)- [X]

<Sabre> Anyone know what's going on X Files?
<AtmaWeapon> if anyone spoils anything I'm gonna kickban them.
<l0bster> Then, they get a tip, that some guy named AtmaWeapon's mom, was
  some kinda funky werewolf. So they drove to her house with 3metric tons
  of tranq, and shot her fat ass. Repeatedly, until she passed out. But
  the slobber from her mouth floods the room and kills everyone.

#7010 +(59)- [X]

<`Kd> theres another good spelling leason

#10676 +(36)- [X]

<ZackSmurf> ur a gay cs whore rnt u skratch
<[-FeC-]sKratch> other than the gay and whore part, yes

#11168 +(208)- [X]

<ScumDog> I'm gonna descend into the popup hell of astalavista.com
<ScumDog> wish me luck
<R0SC0E> <scum's mom> what's this bang bus all about

#14301 +(301)- [X]

<McMoo> i need to start making a list of crap i need to buy for my new place
<timmo> 1) food
<var-> 3 gallons vaseline, subscriptoin to hustler, 100 cases of ramen
<timmo> hah
<kisama> heh
<kisama> vaseline isn't even that great
<kisama> fuck that pussy shit
<kisama> you need astroglide
<kisama> and a set of japanese wack mittens
<kisama> let me link you
<kisama> http://www.jlist.com/cgi-bin/disp.cgi?img=http://images.jlist.com/c2/jr6992.jpg&x=573&y=500
<kisama> One of the tools used by soap girls is a rubber "magical mitten" which works with soap as lubricant for a great feel. This is a super soft rubber sheet that is held in the hand and used to clean anything you might want to clean.
<var-> haha
<timmo> you scare me snow
<kisama> just trying to ensure a soapland experience in the privacy of your own home.

#14500 +(388)- [X]

@(F|uid) candlelight dinners suck
@(F|uid) i cant see my food

#16510 +(169)- [X]

<mb> everytime i've seen Iron Chef they always use sweet fish
<yesyouam> what's sweet fish?
<mb> the meat is supposed to be really sweet
<mb> and the guts are supposed to be bitter
<yesyouam> like ma wimminz

#16544 +(63)- [X]

<Cole`> I think there might have been a guy at my ptq who crapped his pants. During round 5 I had a bunch of people watching my match and all of a sudden I caught the scent of crap. I yelled out "Who in God's name shit their pants?!" A few people laughed, but I didn't catch the shitter. So round 6 I am playing this guy and he smelled...like shit. I did in fact recall him saying he wanted to go home and take a bath. I felt really horrible for this.

#18616 +(363)- [X]

<UBeR> If Barbie is so popular, then why do you have to buy her friends?

#20150 +(159)- [X]

<Mechpilot> I was talking with a friend of mine yesterday and he made an interesting comment, he said "It's easier to get laid in a college dorm than in a Thai brothel", I wish I'd stayed in school.

#21123 +(459)- [X]

<DrStrangelove> Yeah, save your money, man.
<DrStrangelove> It's not too late.
<[DMK]Relvox> im 16
<[DMK]Relvox> its kinda too late
<DrStrangelove> Else you'll end up like the rest of the population.
<DrStrangelove> Poor and broken.
<DrStrangelove> And ignorant.
<[DMK]Relvox> what is ignorant?

#21145 +(36)- [X]

<l0wkey> im under house arrest
<l0wkey> for two years
<_INTRA_> what did ya do?
<l0wkey> some bullshit stalking charges
<l0wkey> 32 convictions
<l0wkey> 104 trials
<_INTRA_> lowkey: u are so full of shit
<l0wkey> that is what the judge said
<l0wkey> i was caught stalking her...i said i wanted to talk to her about the case
<l0wkey> i was caught at 2:00 am, 16 times
<l0wkey> in a row

#36560 +(551)- [X]

<Toad> I remember my brother's 21st. It was in a university hall and all I remember was eating a lot of asparagus.
<Toad> And speeches about people with briefcases.
<Chris_A> Toad, I think that was possibly a board meeting.
<Toad> It might've been!
<Chris_A> Did you come out with a slice of cake, or documents detailing the fiscal productivity of the 1998 year-end?
<Toad> This joke is now stale.
<NapkinEater> like the cake
<Chris_A> Like the c-- bugger.
<NuttO> Was the cake stale-- FUCK.
<Chris_A> There are no original quips left in this universe, we must recolonise immediately.

#36699 +(840)- [X]

<CptPlanet> wtf? i can't find any lobster fetish sites out there.
<CptPlanet> and you call yourself an internet.

#44612 +(872)- [X]

One fine day in #support on GamesNET...
<@Phobius> [d20]Gau: Name of channel please.
<+[d20]Gau> Clan:  Covert Underground Neutralization Team  #CUNT
<@Phobius> [d20]Gau: Sorry but thats an unacceptable channel name.
<+[d20]Gau> ?  Is it too short?
<@Phobius> [d20]Gau: No its the word "cunt"
<+[d20]Gau> "cunt"? Ohhhh goodness That's another word for a woman's vagina, isn't it
<+[d20]Gau> How about The War Against Terrorism? #twat
<@Phobius> !#twat reg [d20]Gau

#45143 +(324)- [X]

<_ry0suke_> CRANK DOESN'T KNOW ANYTHING
<VgameT> I'VE BEEN NOTICING THAT RECENTLY
<craNKGod> RYO I KNOW A LOT OF STUFF
<craNKGod> GO AHEAD
<craNKGod> ASK ME
<VgameT> CRANKGOD WHAT'S THE LAST DIGIT OF THE IP REPRESENTATION OF A /28 NETMASK
<VgameT> IN DECIMAL
<nondescript> DASH OFF TO GOOGLE, BEFORE ANYONE GETS SUSPICIOUS THAT YOU DON'T KNOW!
<craNKGod> 0
<VgameT> AS YOU CAN SEE
<VgameT> CRANK ONLY KNOWS TOTALLY USELESS SHIT
<craNKGod> WHAT'S GOOGLE

#52603 +(1237)- [X]

<Khaen> Oh boy, the sky is very #9966FF today!

#55034 +(578)- [X]

<Dilbert> my dad owns a company "Incestors inc."
<Dilbert> investors*
<Dilbert> i meant

#55565 +(1101)- [X]

<Rav3n> my gf is only 2 years old and my parents are fuming.
<Rav3n> older

#80048 +(220)- [X]

Chris: well, idle hands are the devil's playdgroun
Lotach: which is why god invented porn
Chris: yes
Lotach: so man would not resort to the devil's deeds

#108679 +(119)- [X]

(killjoy) adora; still. women have things like continous orgasm, multiple orgasms, etc etc... i'm sure something's bound to trigger.
(Adora) not if you're good
(Adora) i mean, really good. If you had teh skillz.
(killjoy) i'd rather give her a multiple orgasm then one big one ;p
(mibi-drunk-on-life) id settle for a light moan
(Adora) i suppose you could kill a hour or so with some (now legal) texan buttsex and master/slave play...
(mibi-drunk-on-life) adora can i pm you?

#114413 +(388)- [X]

<NekoLocke|Runescape> What the hell? some girl offered me cybersex on Runescape in exchange for all the gold ore I had in my inventory. @_@
<Danny> now you do it be a man whore :P
<Eden99> LOL XD;
<Noval> Wow, a game with real hookers. That's inpressive.

#119800 +(129)- [X]

<FluKex> isnt cheddar house for the alternative sexual preference people?
<crib> FluKex you mean fags?
<FluKex> crib my term is less..  umm,  bah,  ya,   its for fags

#189807 +(1314)- [X]

<sequence> Finally, in 1976, the Court held that discrimination against men was just as much a violation of the Constitution as discrimination against women. This decision involved an Oklahoma statute permitting women to buy beer at the age of 18 but denying men the same right until they reached the age of 21.
<sequence> i wonder what the reasoning for that law was
<Blaxthos> uh
<Blaxthos> drunk girls put out

#260037 +(1077)- [X]

<Philth> WTF?
<Philth> new jenga 9/11 memorial twin pack
<Philth> comes with a little plane to push the blocks out

#298011 +(294)- [X]

<[Crunt]> dammit i thought the rocky horror picture show was on
<[Crunt]> but nooooooooooooooooo
<ha|cyon> it was just family home videos all along?

#397427 +(1298)- [X]

<Chronoclone> Kathleen is on the riding mower and accidentally sucks up my sheet.
<Chronoclone> My dad and I tip over the mower and rip the sheet out.
<Chronoclone> While she's out chasing the dog because she said we could trust him without a leash.
<Chronoclone> My dad agrees that she's crazy and shouldn't have been right there with the damn mower.
<Wiggles> How is this person still alive?
<Aki> The FBI is keeping her alive to harness Darwin's in-grave rotation as a power source for future generations.

#613103 +(624)- [X]

[workin] I went back to get another 20" monitor..
[workin] they were sold out!
[workin] I had to get a 19
[workin] I told my husband ONLY a man would say that 1" doesn't matter

#613300 +(1735)- [X]

<fraseyboy> you know what i just realized?
<fraseyboy> I can be anyone i want on IRC!!!!!
<fraseyboy> ...
* fraseyboy is now known as fraseyman

#626884 +(741)- [X]

Frencheneesz: what if there was a super hero who had the power to transfer his own boredom to his enemies?
SombrousKnight: how'd he get these powers? gamma radiation while waiting in line at the DMV?

#696500 +(32)- [X]

<Spazzo> What would you say if I just got back from getting laid from my g/f?
<Grosz2> dude
<Grosz2> You fucked a porn movie?

#705562 +(1152)- [X]

depletedsoul: Dam, my in car CD player has broke!, ive been forced to use the dreaded tape deck, gosh it sounds rubbish.
Anyone wanna buy me a new cd changer?, cheers.
Boonjam: tapes are shit
ninav: i don't really like tapes but i gotta use them for french and german _
ratnerstar: Make sure you keep them separated or pretty soon all your tapes will be German.

#714806 +(903)- [X]

--- bobby sets ban on *!*@*.mx
<@bobby> lets see the mexicans get over that wall.

#743227 +(474)- [X]

<BurnStuff>: They asked me if I was bring drugs into Jamaica
<Kmank>: Bringing drugs to Jamaica?
<BurnStuff>: Yeah
<Kmank.: Thats like briging slim-fast to Ethiopia!

#756658 +(426)- [X]

<RustyBridge> does the NotePad ever run out
<ArtoSaari> lmao?
<RustyBridge> ?

#760798 +(-231)- [X]

<+TrailMix> don't bugs always have wings?
<+Inca> centipede?
<@rowsdower`> centipedes do not have wings
<@rowsdower`> thank god
<@rowsdower`> i would just shoot myself if they did
<+Jack> jesus
<+Jack> "HAI DUD WHATS UP"

#826358 +(2290)- [X]

<Hef> correct me if I'm wrong, but isn't holy water just water that has a prayer said over it?
<Tribolthree> holy water is water blessed by a priest, nothing special or added -_- technically he could bless the water coming from a pipe
<Tribolthree> so like you could have a fountain of holy water
<Hef> the priest would probably get tired of the constant blessing
<Hef> and run out of mana

#868223 +(7825)- [X]

<Domsey> Woah, I got the weirdest moment of my entire life this morning
<bender> what happened?
<Domsey> you know, there was a party at my neighbours' last night
<bender> yeah, you've been fucking drunk..
<Domsey> you've been there, too?
<bender> sure...
<Domsey> well, you see i can't remember anything
<Domsey> but this morning I woke up in my bed, and there was my mom lying next to me.
<bender> wtf...?
<Domsey> That's exactly what i thought
<Domsey> So, my mom got up instantly when i woke up, smiled at me and said "U're so much better than your dad is." then she left the room
<bender> OMFG!!!
<bender> you didnt do that! TELL ME IT WASNT LIKE THAT!!! TELL ME YOU'RE A DUMBASS LIAR!!!
<Domsey> no, i'm not lying
<bender> OMG!!!
<Domsey> but it turned out she was playing a trick on me. Paycheck for coming home late, all drunk.
<bender> ...
<bender> your mom's such a freak. o.O

#908184 +(10192)- [X]

<Twig> I just had an argument with a girl I know. She was saying how it's unfair that if a guy fucks a different girl every week, he's a legend, but if a girl fucks just two guys in a year, she's a slut. So in response I told her that if a key opens lots of locks, then it's a master key. But if a lock is opened by lots of keys, then it's a shitty lock. That shut her up.

#946745 +(1357)- [X]

<Vrooom> while taking a stroll in the park, a kid walked up to me and asked, "Do you believe in unicorns?" I answered, "No." He dunked his ice cream cone on my head, laughed hysterically, and ran off screaming, "BELIEVE!"

#962108 +(236)- [X]

<Humbedooh> Roses are red, leaves are green, but only Java has AbstractSingletonProxyFactoryBean

0.1471 21065 quotes approved; 825 quotes pending
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