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#269 +(748)- [X]

n e r d b 5: i smell a burning smell
n e r d b 5: maybe its my pc
n e r d b 5: oh wait, ewww, its the cat pooping

#277 +(572)- [X]

<Hatter> Sometimes hypr, I can hear the gears in your head grind to a halt
<hypr> haha

#1142 +(563)- [X]

<BlackDeth> "Disabling this device will cause it to stop functioning. Is this what you want?"
<BlackDeth> hah
<BlackDeth> stupid

#2457 +(198)- [X]

<l0wkey> im getting hemorrhoids, from sitting on my butt all day ircing... i should sue Khaled

#2780 +(169)- [X]

*** loopback was kicked by GoodScrat (GoodScrat)
*** loopback (~boh@ppp-134-252.29-151.libero.it) has joined #winprog
<loopback> GoodScrat, why did you kick me?
<GoodScrat> I didn't mean to, I was clicking on something and my computer froze fora  second and then caught up to all the clicks and kicked you
<loopback> oh, ok

#4151 +(145)- [X]

<BucWork> dude; 2pac isn't dead
<BucWork> he is in Europe
<BucWork> my dad works for the fbi

#4235 +(43)- [X]

<prence> when i used that tube sock yesterday
<prence> i didnt know i had used it before
<prence> and i cut my penis with the dried up cum

#4260 +(380)- [X]

<McMoo> My computer's maximum uptime: 4w 2d 15h 39m 3s, set on Tue, Feb 19 2002 at 5:53:00p
<McMoo> LOOK AT HOW BIG MY DICK IS
<McMoo> 4 WEEKS BIG!!!!!!!

#4896 +(326)- [X]

<clay> prostitution is illegal in the united states of america
<ryano> not in nevada
<clay> were you conceived in nevada

#6119 +(86)- [X]

<khalek> sif irc isn't just different sorts of complaining from different people

#7162 +(151)- [X]

<@Latino-Heat> when i was in school, during free periods i'd sit in the library cos i couldnt go home and i'd look up stds in encyclopedias
<@Latino-Heat> cos i had rashes everywhere

#9391 +(422)- [X]

<Cienna> were you breast fed?
<Ragnarok> yes
<Ragnarok> recently in fact

#10497 +(278)- [X]

<Trelane>it'd be really weird if we died at the same time
<LOAF> We could die at 8/7 central.

#10661 +(697)- [X]

<Spooky42 > was taking a bath with my son the other day.. and he said.. daddy why is my penis different than yours?.. and i said.. because yours isnt erect
<Ize > eew

#10724 +(1637)- [X]

TX Luder : dude
TX Luder : i just had a genius idea
TX Luder : m&ms frozen in ice cubes
TX Luder : just think of it man
TX Luder : your sucking on ice
TX Luder : then WHAM
TX Luder : m&m

#14024 +(402)- [X]

<Hayd1488> Any Intelligent Women here?
<grovibtch> yeah
<grovibtch> but they're not dumb enough to msg u

#14239 +(134)- [X]

*** Quits: cuebal (Most parents would hope that that their offspring yearn to become doctors, lawyers, or even a journalist, but these days all kids want to be is Pikachu..)

#16277 +(486)- [X]

<elinsox> dude my boss rules
<mrwhite> with an iron fist
<legacy> and a big black strapon

#17239 +(220)- [X]

< Danelope> I know what I need.
< Danelope> I need the cool shoeshine.
<@harb> Shoeshine?
<@harb> wt?
<@harb> If that has a double meaning, sign me up.

#20505 +(328)- [X]

<frink> A properly configured microsoft firewall will stop 100% of hackers.

#22672 +(495)- [X]

<CrazySpence> my moms like "do you have the paper towels" *i hand them over* "I know you use them for jerking off" *laughs and closes the door*

#28007 +(513)- [X]

<|Crash|> condoms suck!
<iota> so do kids

#38114 +(752)- [X]

<me> I had an ex called steve...who spent all his time on the computer....so one day I stripped naked and stood beside him...he turned around and said "I get your point" and went back to playing his game

#38382 +(736)- [X]

<_SnakeMan> do the clocks change tonight?
<AlbinoLov> I think they do sunday/
<MiL0> yes
<MiL0> unless you live in some parts of indiana or arizona
<_SnakeMan> sometime in the early am of sunday, right?
<Argent-> The clocks change every night... into fierce blood sucking imps that chase me around the house until I fall over exhausted, then they mock me about my small genitalia.

#38418 +(206)- [X]

Finque: at least that young black fellow will live
Finque: black people can't die virgins
Finque: it's physically and sexually impossible
Finque: god is still apologizing for burning them
Finque: so he gave them horse cocks
Finque: and now they always get laid
tom: except DE
Finque: true
Finque: but DE is canadian
Finque: that's god's "oops" pile

#40822 +(-9)- [X]

<Tyger>there's something i dont understand...
<Tyger>why is it that some people are just plain stupid...?
<Tyger>i mean... i hate stupid people!
<Tetley>yeah, its a shame women try and play a role other than sex and dishwasher in the world

#45126 +(13)- [X]

<SI-pHluid> so I had to go to the bathroom with a face full of fucking cum and wash that shit off

#52828 +(630)- [X]

<Carlton> "listening socket" = 11,100 google hits. "passive socket" = 1,240 google hits.
<Carlton> listening wins. :)
<Carlton> We should just let Google make all our decisions for us.
<_Bunny> Carlton: "gay" has 65,000,000 hits.  "straight" has 14,300.000.

#57934 +(-78)- [X]

(dosdemon)  when you go to the tournament ask around, everybody has like insane shit to trade
(dosdemon)  cards I never fucking heard of
(coderage)  you see any strong black there
(dosdemon)  yea there were these negroes playing yu-gi-oh that looked pretty scary
(dosdemon)  make good workers if ya train em right
(coderage)  yeah but i dont have any fried chicken mana

#58129 +(247)- [X]

* Schroe enjoys the benifits of dial-up
<ZRaven> benifits?
<Schroe> In between page loads, I have time to clean various parts of this eternally dirty house.

#62922 +(265)- [X]

<prevyet> in my search for martial arts-related channels on Undernet I came up with 5 white supremist channels and one martial arts channel run by a white supremist

#80616 +(1150)- [X]

<thegreatgazoo> umm kfc and beer great irish din din
<^Bret^> thegreatgazoo: Your Colon just sent me an e-mail...it wants a divorce.
<thegreatgazoo> it already got all my shit
<thegreatgazoo> what more does it want ?

#88943 +(1003)- [X]

<Jessanne> I'm horny Kate
* Katethegreat shakes her leg
<Katethegreat> how do i get her off?
<Gothor> You are.

#114600 +(-25)- [X]

 Mix-Master-Movies:  MY GROUP NAME IS
 Mix-Master-Movies:  REAL MOVIES ON KAZAA
 amanda:  the link
 Mix-Master-Movies:  ITS ON MSN
Mix-Master-Movies:  SO AMANDA WILL YOU JOIN
 amanda:  no
 Mix-Master-Movies:  WHY
 amanda:  i dont usa kazaaa
 amanda:  and u wont give me the link.
Mix-Master-Movies:  WHAT LINK
 Mix-Master-Movies:  I DONT HAVE A WEBSITE
 Mix-Master-Movies:  ITS IN THE MSN GROUPS

#143356 +(510)- [X]

[9:43:pm] <beau> man, i have so much respect for anyone that designs adult web sites
[9:43:pm] <GodTheMod> its harder than it looks
[9:43:pm] <xie> Hahahahaha
[9:43:pm] <beau> i've been sorting through material for my site, and i can't help but get a hard on, and that means much less blood in my head.. i JUST CANT WORK LIKE THAT!

#181129 +(492)- [X]

<fosheeze> i ate oatse for breakfast
<BigBrother_> was that a typo of oats, or goatse?
<BigBrother_> I'm hoping it was oats, or do you eat horribly disfigured anus?

#205824 +(581)- [X]

•Berrik• I swear I hate German
•Berrik• You take some 3-letter word in English
•Berrik• and in German it's "Schtuffwaftefloswhosit"

#215611 +(791)- [X]

Eros: I'm going to shave off all the hair on my body and go running down my street screaming about how aerodynamic I am.

#399838 +(1037)- [X]

OriginalEmoo: haha someone lost her bronze medal for cyling cuz she failed doping test
OriginalEmoo: god damn if i end up taking drugs to perform better i am not getting my ass kicked by 2 people who didnt

#421829 +(298)- [X]

<d-dog> know any thing that stops acne oh great kurty
<kurty> uh yeah
<kurty> finishing puberty

#564197 +(461)- [X]

<+host> finally, I got some good help in #debian in freenode
<+host> and another lesson learned
<+host> I will never let someone ssh to my computer to upgrade it
<+host> again

#610086 +(2524)- [X]

<hickhut> i have to write a speech on myself tomorrow
<hickhut> so gay
<mrquin27> there is a start

#632906 +(3754)- [X]

<bloodmaster> this guy keeps sending me notices, how do i send them back?????
<`Trust`> ./notice <nick> <message>
<bloodmaster> ty!
<bloodmaster> ./notice <Tommyboy872> <hello tommy, my name is john i am from michigan im 16! Im 5 foot 11 inch tall, you sound cute n we should talk more often ok??>

#648012 +(430)- [X]

<smearedink> what's your SAT score?
<|nevermind|> smearedink: 1930
<smearedink> are you serious?!?!?!?!
<smearedink> dude
<smearedink> fuck no
<smearedink> i hate this
<smearedink> all the dumb people try to act smart
<smearedink> and all the smart people try to act dumb
<|nevermind|> smearedink: welcome to IRC

#649693 +(744)- [X]

<MrAccident> ...
<MrAccident> My laptop really is like an Etch-a-Sketch now
<MrAccident> The slightest jostling or movement while it is running will cause a BSoD
<MrAccident> And it won't recognize the hard drive after that until you turn the thing upside-down at least once

#810497 +(468)- [X]

<JKoss> My jokes are like Cheetos:
<JKoss> "Dangerously Cheesy!"

#877752 +(331)- [X]

<Kuros> So this guy was selling Final Fantasy 7 on craigslist for $500
<Sniper_Wolf> hahahaha wow
<Kuros> yeah
<Kuros> so i just made another ad there with that dudes number
<Kuros> selling the game for $20

#898997 +(845)- [X]

ian: I've remembered the password....
ian: felt like Gandalf stood outside Moria
ian: uttering every password I could remember from the last 5 years

#918366 +(1666)- [X]

<sje46> I avoid sex the same way I avoid bullets
<sje46> I haven't had the chance to

#962696 +(116)- [X]

<sophia_> wow look at this new type of cat named a toyger
<MaxInux> pretty cat
<MaxInux> looks like a bengal sorta
<sophia_> its totally different than a bengal apparently
<sophia_> custom bred
<MaxInux> neat still looks like a bengal :) just slightly more striped
<sophia_> ya its pretty
<jm> am I the only person who's appalled at humanity's efforts to selectively breed traits they find cute, funny, or otherwise desirable?
<blaxthos> jm:  do you date ugly girls ?
<sophia_> heh

0.1536 21077 quotes approved; 396 quotes pending
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