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#2498 +(1531)- [X]

<puppet> a woman can fake an orgasm, but it takes a man to fake an entire relationship

#4328 +(760)- [X]

<Nice_Guy> i love u
<kcb0ddah> i love you too
<kcb0ddah> what is your credit card number?

#4395 +(645)- [X]

<Predictable> "Peace, love, and Linux" makes me think of a guy with excessive facial hair in a tiedye t-shirt, shorts, and sandals saying "You can't use that distribution MAN" "You can't like, own an OS, MAN"

#5980 +(275)- [X]

[10:11] <meiso> ok guys im loading up mozilla 0.9.1
        <meiso> time how long before it crashes
[10:18] <meiso> ok mozilla just crashed

#7057 +(621)- [X]

<Lazarus> Anyone care to guess my sign?
<DocWebstr> "Keep Off"?
<Lazarus> Wrong Way.
<Beki> this end up? :)
<K`shandra> "Thank You - Come Again." ;-)

#7520 +(279)- [X]

<g33kk0r3> anyone know what carpet bombing is?
<vaportrail> umm...taking a crap on a vagina?

#9297 +(7)- [X]

<[SZ]-Guest> hi
<[SZ]-Guest> wher i canfound a programe to hacking emails
<[SZ]-Guest> i need hacking program

#10609 +(450)- [X]

(+aileur): man you guys rock
(+aileur): killed 120 people in a wedding
(@SeeDee): news here says 20
(+JoeYoung): eh?
(@headc4se): well they're canadian cd, so using the metric system
(+JoeYoung): metric people
(+JoeYoung): 1 standard person=6 metric people

#10958 +(9157)- [X]

(morganj): 0 is false and 1 is true, correct?
(alec_eso): 1, morganj
(morganj): bastard.

#15942 +(600)- [X]

<SamGod> I turn on the faucet to wash my hands, put my hands in the stream of water, and all of a sudden I stop and get TOTALLY grossed out and I'mlike "Oh GROSS, dammit!!" thinking I just got a ton of piss all over my hands.  Then I realize it's a freaking FAUCET and water comes out of it, not piss.  What the HELL was my brain thinking?

#19072 +(1067)- [X]

<dsif0r> that lil clip dude
<dsif0r> that microsoft uses
<dsif0r> he rules.
<quish> ...
<quish> no he doesnt
<quish> he's annoying as hell
<dsif0r> yes he does
<dsif0r> he always cares about my feelings
<dsif0r> people just treat him like shit
<dsif0r> and hes only there to help.

#19196 +(588)- [X]

<punkassjy> i hate those goddamn jesus freaks with their wwjd.  i mean, wtf?
<yapper> you mean wtfwjd!  lol!
<punkassjy> rtfb!

#24066 +(24)- [X]

<phat-ta-tat-tat> dis room is borin'
<phat-ta-tat-tat> get sum hoes in here
<hwKP> But i quit being a pimp
<phat-ta-tat-tat> fuk it get bak in da game
<phat-ta-tat-tat> da game needs u
<hwKP> but I threw out my platform shoes with the fish inside
<phat-ta-tat-tat> fuk it u betta go fishin den

#25511 +(1381)- [X]

<iretd> According to IRC, 99% of the chicks are into cybersex.
<Julian> The other 1% are actually girls.

#29403 +(349)- [X]

<Chaos[X]> Overclocking can screw everything up.
<Chaos[X]> I've seen it break up marriages.

#30165 +(22)- [X]

<Raphie> what are all the names of the seven dwarfs
<stevieo4> coke, acid, marijuana, reds, blues, speed, and of course heroin. Hmmm. I think I missed one.

#33800 +(122)- [X]

<pthree_> oh, my stupid t1 is having issues
* RichiH asks himself if having a private T1 is the heigth of geekdomn, or if it is the ultimate of saying "i got no rl friends"
<Seker> RichiH: It'll be the height of geekdom if you max it out with warez.
<RichiH> Seker: if you max it out with warez, it's a way of saying "i am 13, have no friends, use windows and need a good poke in the eyes. besides, i got no firends, neither rl nor vr"

#34473 +(277)- [X]

<@Gaz> my rgby team is losing so ...
<FrozenFood> ..ok
<@Gaz> I should change channels :)
<@Gaz> but ...
<FrozenFood> just tile them! i have 4 channels open
<Mike> spoken like a true IRC addict
* Mike is pretty sure Gaz meant a TV channel....

#34912 +(196)- [X]

<TigerSun> AsiaDoll: the only reason I'm not rich yet is because I refuse to earn on others' stupidity
<TigerSun> I believe stupidity should kill, not help others to get richer
<TigerSun> I'm highly ethical!

#36459 +(244)- [X]

<MSN-02> MARCUS!
<MSN-02> HELP!
<MSN-02> My white Microsoft optical mouse clashes terribly with my black Dell computer!
<Marcus> Vlad has been attacked by the Homosexual Interior Designer!
<MSN-02> Actually, I pride myself on being one.
<MSN-02> Ah...
<MSN-02> Skecth off the homosexual aspect first, mind you...
<MSN-02> >_<
<Marcus> ...
<Marcus> Too late to take it back now.

#37462 +(1460)- [X]

<blazemore> my brother is in a quake3 clan
<blazemore> and he had a ctf game tonight
<blazemore> and like
<blazemore> we were walking out of tilt
<blazemore> his friend goes "dude hurry up, you're gonna be late for you clan meeting"
<blazemore> and these black guys were walking by
<blazemore> and looked like they were about to kick our asses

#41722 +(298)- [X]

* }Phoenix{ has joined #haxxors
<}Phoenix{> Hey, everybody type in /beep 31337 if you wanna be super-leet
<@Tyreal> Dont do it
<jackle> /beep 31337
<redwing> /beep 31337
<GangstaUO> /beep 31337
<jackle> gah!!!

#44230 +(147)- [X]

<+Arminas> ffs, i fucking hate auto get sometimes, why ppl feel the need to send me gay porn other stupid shit is beyond me
<+Arminas> it might of been funny like 4months ago but now it pisses me off cause when i host ftp's i share my dcc directory get ppl like "i didn't know you were gay?"

#45842 +(326)- [X]

<JaZz0r> I have a sister in the form of my 13-year-old brother
<SummerSong> is she hot?

#47776 +(313)- [X]

<Sevastra> nasılsın?
<RadioheaD> iyiyim sen
<Sevastra> <-- İstanbul
<RadioheaD> oğlum türkmüsün değil misin
<BLiZZ> <-- Wıll kıck your arse ıf you don't shut up

#51403 +(300)- [X]

<ChineseElite> there is nothing wrong with using linux..
<Threeboy> if that's the lifestyle you wanna live, i wont judge you.
<Threeboy> i just wont support you at the parades.

#69283 +(642)- [X]

<IanJ> so I got on the elevator here to come up to my room and these girls were in there and they were like "You know, you live on our floor but we never get to see you!" and I'm like... "Duh... uhm... yeah... uhh.... well I don't know you guys..." and then there was an awkward silence. but when we got back to my floor I pulled out my electric guitar and started wailing on it. and they accepted me. and I am now the king of earth.
<ElCarpeto> Ian masters tribal ethics.
<IanJ> the real ending to that little story is a lot more depressing.

#70054 +(304)- [X]

(@tgitm): I still think its funny when girls say "size doesn't matter"
(@tgitm): if that's the case, why are dildos never small but beautiful?

#71885 +(266)- [X]

<Dramon_Killer> i watch gay porn
<Dramon_Killer> err
<Dramon_Killer> i meant to say im secure in my sexuality
<Dramon_Killer> like, secure enough to watch it, masturbate and still like chicks

#75470 +(50)- [X]

<Amnesiac> there's something like awk in perl?

#81853 +(-3)- [X]

(@Stoner-EH) this is gay
(@Stoner-EH) i think it's a problem with our line over in californioa
(@Stoner-EH) california
(+Wheelman56) is it causing you to make typos?

#82073 +(396)- [X]

<Huan> wtf
<Huan> some guy stuck a condom over his head and is blowing on it
<pleasant_> haha
<pleasant_> what a dick head

#82238 +(199)- [X]

* Robzy tries to remember wher goatse ASCII is...
* Robzy wonders why the *ENTIRE* geek community is obsessed with goatse
<Tripwire> Robzy: it's tradition
<Robzy> Has anyone ever spared a thought for the photographer of goatse?!

#83833 +(162)- [X]

<Al> because let's face it, my dick is demonstrably real and also far better than any concept of "god" thus far put forward
<LambChowder> but does your dick encourage love and peace throughout the world

#102012 +(339)- [X]

<DoctorRiff> man PETA is awesome, hours of entertainment at the cost of one dead rabbit

#106634 +(338)- [X]

<SpaceMonkey> welp, I'll have to give it a shot after I'm through downloading concentrated satan
<norse> realplayer?
<SpaceMonkey> quicktime

#113143 +(32)- [X]

<Agent5> i hear gold is rare up in canada
<Agent5> sort of like finding a straight priest
* Agent5 (CUE LAUGHTER)
<Xenocide> lol
<FrEEk> lol
<Xenocide> i get it

#136835 +(662)- [X]

(Pyr0s): !tp
(@N0VA): I'm a little teapot
(@CHR0N0S): short and stout
(@N0VA): Here is my handle
(@CHR0N0S): here is my spout
(@N0VA): When i get all steamed up
(@CHR0N0S): then i shout
(@N0VA): tip me over
*** N0VA was kicked by CHR0N0S (KICK YOU OUT!! :)

#137338 +(462)- [X]

moonman137: (she has no clue)
moonman137: (does putting it in these not let her see it?)
waymon04: (i think so)

#182779 +(989)- [X]

~ Carrotz: Question: In 'alice in wonderland', with what were the words 'eat me' written on the cake
> Azrael: icing
> Azrael: blood
~ rh|semiafk: arial
> Azrael: rofl

#239088 +(573)- [X]

<JazzMan131> Dude, don't you find it weird that read and read are spelled the same?
<BenBish> ....
<BenBish> Naw man, not really.

#282906 +(106)- [X]

<Kiyone> i know you live in australia and everything, but do you know who vanilla ice is?
<reaper> yes
<reaper> he used to be a jazz musician, and became a pornstar

#301564 +(-135)- [X]

PsychoJ:My views on the new nintendo DS and Sony PSP...
Zaheera:Go on.
PsychoJ:PSP is like a hot girl with full round C cup breasts.
PsychoJ:Is experienced and has alot to offer for relatively little effort.
Zaheera:And the DS?
PsychoJ:Her flat chested 12 year old sister with a unibrow.

#434554 +(703)- [X]

<[Cable]Tech> has anyone managed to join Harry.Potter.And.The.Prisoner.Of.Azkaban.2004.TC.XviD.AC3 cd1 and cd2 together , if so using what avi joiner?
<Marsupial> I joined Spiderman cd1 and Friends episode 32 together.
<Marsupial> using Microsoft Outlook Express.
<Marsupial> Chandler got bit by a radioactive spider and shot a web at Phoebe, and then it emailed me.

#444977 +(448)- [X]

<@MajorKong> man, it is quiet in here....
<@MajorKong> either you are all asleep in anticipation of tomorrow's feasting.....
<@MajorKong> or I seriously need to buy stock in kleenex.

#477771 +(1317)- [X]

(ArmanyGirl) Impuro, describe yourself to me
([Impuro]) well, I have 2 arms, 2 legs, a torso, a head with a nose and eyes and etc...
(ArmanyGirl) duhh, i mean phisically

#515093 +(-714)- [X]

<Nori123> You don't know jack shit
<VioletSky> That's not true, I know him well
<Nori123> Haha
<VioletSky> I'm serious
<VioletSky> Jack is the son of Awe Schitt and O. Schitt. Awe Schitt, the fertilizer magnate, married O. Schitt, the owner of Needeep N. Schitt Inc. They had one son, Jack. In turn Jack Schitt married Noe Schitt, the deeply religious couple produced 6 children
<VioletSky> Holie Schitt, Fulla Schitt, Giva Schitt, Bull Schitt, and the twins: Deap Schitt and Dip Schitt. Against her parents' objections, Deap Schitt married Dumb Schitt, a high school drop out.
<VioletSky> However, after being married 15 years, Jack and Noe Schitt divorced. Noe Schitt later remarried Ted Sherlock and, because her kids were living with them, she wanted to keep her previous name.
<VioletSky> She was then known as Noe Schitt-Sherlock. Meanwhile, Dip Schitt married Loda Schitt and they produced a son of nervous disposition, Chicken Schitt.
<VioletSky> Two other of the 6 children, Fulla Schitt and Giva Schitt, were inseparable throughout childhood and subsequently married the Happens brothers in a dual ceremony.
<VioletSky> The wedding announcement in the newspaper announced the Schitt-Happens wedding. The Schitt-Happens children were Dawg, Byrd, and Hoarse.
<VioletSky> Bull Schitt, the prodigal son, left home to tour the world. He recently returned from Italy with his new Italian bride, Pisa Schitt.
<VioletSky> So there.
<FiPo> LOL
<Nori123> I have actually chortled coke through my nose

#660692 +(582)- [X]

<Bushman> my inet sucks
<pikey> oohh
<impulse> does she swallow?
<Bushman> impulse: yes, my TCP packets

#858690 +(1164)- [X]

<@terminal> dudes i must say
<@terminal> it's interesting to start your day off with a morning BJ
<@renounced> you should probably tell the police your step father is molesting you

#912101 +(3281)- [X]

x-c0n: Dude I was so drunk last night.. apparently this girl said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered, "Simba".

0.1491 21065 quotes approved; 729 quotes pending
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