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#1486 +(734)- [X]

<aorie> shit slashdot STILL down
<MrP-> yeah, im crying now
<MrP-> whats wrong with it?
<aorie> this sucks
<aorie> this totally fucked up my day heh
<MrP-> me too
<MrP-> some girl asked me if i wanted to have sex with her all day, but i said "after i read slashdot"
<MrP-> GOD DAMNIT!

#2404 +(424)- [X]

<BlackDeth> did you know i'm sitting on my toilet right now
<BlackDeth> taking a crap
<myhero> :L
<BlackDeth> i have been this whole conversation
<BlackDeth> brb wiping
*** myhero changes topic to '<BlackDeth> brb wiping'
<SD-Washu> erm k thats just wrong
<SD-Washu> you're not supposed to irc or call ppl from teh fucking bathroom
<SD-Washu> i dont fucking care if you are joking
<ryo-ohki> I do it all the time. :/
<BlackDeth> i'm back on the couch
<BlackDeth> i dont talk to people on the phone when i'm on the toilet
<BlackDeth> because they can hear the gruesome details

#3873 +(470)- [X]

<Scofco> I wish I invented Jesus

#4779 +(592)- [X]

<Lucent> i'm just about fucking tired of middle schoolers named samantha e-mailing me for chemistry homework
<Lucent> without giving a picture

#4861 +(529)- [X]

<Merlin3> It was my grandmother's dying wish that I receive some dave matthews bootlegs... if you have any mp3ed (not from the 4 CDs) please msg me or just go and DCC it to me... thank you for your concern. with everyone's help, I think I will be able to make it through these difficult times.

#6130 +(566)- [X]

<nail|away> Packaging systems are lame. Tarballs are lamer.
          So is source. I install me software with personally magnetized
          needles and a steady hand.

#7395 +(82)- [X]

<@BondAway> i better get to work
<@IceWizard> heh
<@BondAway> i need someone o administer me an hourly dose of cocaine at work, but i dont know any secretaries, and i dont know if my boss would buy 'its sinus medicine
<@BondAway> and then drive me home

#9547 +(652)- [X]

<Tharivol> once I had to write something on the computer on paper..
<Tharivol> i hit ctrl-c then...
<Tharivol> my brain sorta got jammed in neutral

#11132 +(614)- [X]

<Tarage> I hate to update to things, they always make it worse
<@Ixnorp> you're too pessimistic.  I bet that if you jumped off a building
you would expect to land in a truck full of pillows
<anorexic_poodle> wouldnt that make it optimistic
<@Ixnorp> no, because he would have failed to kill himself

#13925 +(43)- [X]

<@Jamie_M> a log that proves ZXD bought his girlfriend at wal mart
<@Jamie_M> THIS COULD BE FUN

#19883 +(362)- [X]

<@hypnotix> dammit this sucks.. i got Daikatana for my b-day

#21167 +(19)- [X]

[ +vampyriclust ] what is it about vanilla coke that makes me piss like a bitch with a urine fetish?

#22668 +(778)- [X]

<Taganath> Mary had a little lamb.  It bumped into a pylon.  Ten thousand volts went up its arse and turned its wool to nylon!

#23822 +(424)- [X]

<GimpChimp> I'm going to rape it. And tell the court it lead me on with its suggestive icon-wiggling.
<GimpChimp> Just as soon as I work out the technical details of raping an Internet window.

#25357 +(1001)- [X]

<Talwin> I masturbate cause my hand doesn't give me any backtalk
<Talwin> I'm like "Get down there bitch"
<Talwin> And its all "!! k"
<Talwin> And afterwards it cleans itself off and doesn't say a thing
<soap> i some times make a little puppet with my hand, and make it talk before i masturbate with it, saying things like "no, please...i'm a virgin!" and stuff like that.  you know, resisting a bit.  i like foreplay when i masturbate.

#26234 +(446)- [X]

<Camus> my dad has a spiked collar..
<Camus> dog*

#32491 +(-341)- [X]

<Atrox> So there I was, hunched over Vorgen's dog. The car's grill kind of left this nice opening in it's abdomen, cause really, I wasn't about to fuck a dead dog in the ass, that's just wrong. Anyway, I was thrusting hard, and like hit something hard, I was all WTF, then realized I fucked through the dog and hit the cement. Was wierd.

#33104 +(1136)- [X]

<mem-out> .=~
<mem-out> flea with a flamethrower
<wob> ^- idiot with a keyboard

#35373 +(511)- [X]

<Snow> Heard outside construction site on way to lunch:
<Snow> <sound that a nail gun makes> "AAAAAAAAAAAAH!"

#37904 +(9)- [X]

<sTubby> there would only be 1 downside about being able to suck yourself off...
<sTubby> your boner would be cancelled out because of the fact that it's a guys lips on your nuts...and more so that it's your own lips!

#38573 +(283)- [X]

<Marcus> Heaven has no videogames. I saw for myself. It's just a bunch of old guys in tunics, laughing cause nobody has been admitted for the last three centuries.

#39434 +(595)- [X]

<tdn> imagine you wake up and you open youre bedroom door and theres a huge whale penis greeting you and then it just explodes -kabaam- and fills your whole room.
<tdn> hahah sooo wrong window

#40118 +(327)- [X]

<ZephyrX> she's "barely legal"
<[SOHK]FATTY> i think i balled a 16 yr old this summer
<[SOHK]FATTY> she said that she was 18
<[SOHK]FATTY> i dont think so
<[SOHK]FATTY> she looked young in the morn
<ZephyrX> did she say "oops i'm late for class"
<[SOHK]FATTY> no
<[SOHK]FATTY> she said
<[SOHK]FATTY> can u drive me to school
<ZephyrX> lol
<[SOHK]FATTY> hehe
<[SOHK]FATTY> and when i did
<[SOHK]FATTY> it said  Jr.. on the school

#41037 +(663)- [X]

<modem> is it true that if you die in a dream you die in real life?
<thecatisold> no
<thecatisold> but if you piss all over yourself in a dream
<thecatisold> you do piss all over yourself in real life

#42831 +(530)- [X]

<gloom^exs> finnish sounds like two alphabets went to nuclear war and the fallout mutated it into something seriously fucked up with lots of i's and e's.

#47234 +(93)- [X]

* Genin grabs laz and sticks his thumb up his butthole
<laz> at least i cut my fingernails yesterday

#50782 +(26)- [X]

<F-F> Marks the end of a dialup ISP for me!!!
<F-F> and ive never bitched about UTV :P
<r0x0r> i thought you was getting AOL
<F-F> i am yeah
<F-F> but its a trial :P
<r0x0r> Your 500 free hours are not welcome here, F-F :-/
<F-F> 100 :-/
<F-F> in the usa its 1025
<F-F> here its 100
<F-F> 500.. here? haha
<F-F> No :P
<r0x0r> whatever
<r0x0r> everyone gets sick after 1 or 2 hours

#59666 +(494)- [X]

<Mario> were is evesyone?
<penfold> in graamer school
<penfold> grammar*
<penfold> damnit, it backfired :\

#62781 +(39)- [X]

*** malapropy is now known as cd-german
<_mrT> ls pr0n
<Craig> lol

#75597 +(130)- [X]

<iCARUS> thats cos ya gf is loose
<edeity> yeah. shes pretty cool

#75653 +(441)- [X]

<BustaNutt> I was working in a movie theatre one time and a mother just threw her crying baby on the hard ground, i was like WTF!! the other ushers had to calm me down coz i was fuckin pissed the rest of the day
<Abstruse> Busta: I almost had to call the cops on this one woman when I was working in the bookstore because her child calmly walked up and quietly asked 'Momma, can I have this book?" and she smacked the SHIT out of him.  I told her to get out, and she threw a fit.
<BustaNutt> ABstruse, she beat the kid just for asking for a book?
<Abstruse> That's not even the most fucked up part.  The most fucked up part is that she worked for a shelter for battered women and children.

#80703 +(413)- [X]

<Crowbar> yah, if you cut the ass while shaving, you might as well just stick your fingers in and rip it wide open.  at least that way you can claim you were raped
<Crowbar> oh man, i just woke up my wife from laughing
<Knower|> <wife> what's wrong honey?  <crowbar> Oh, haha, just giving the guys some advice on anal tearing.  <wife> oh, alright...just keep it down.  <wife> wait, WHAT?!?!

#83756 +(282)- [X]

<Wang_Ninja> oh boy
<Wang_Ninja> minigame
<Wang_Ninja> I have to find four 6 year old boys
<Goonigoogoo> it's a michael jackson minigame?

#84293 +(154)- [X]

<lunacrow> nobody makes porn for women
<lunacrow> ever
<lunacrow> when have you ever seen any
<Destruya> Actually, one woman did.
<lunacrow> one woman
<Destruya> I can't remember the name.
<lunacrow> exactly
<lunacrow> yet women look at porn
<Destruya> http://www.royalle.com/
<lunacrow> "As you peruse my various pages, you'll not only find my catalog of couples movies with a woman's touch, you'll also read about my thoughts on sex, romance, eroticism and life in general."
<lunacrow> i already know these movies will suck
<Destruya> hahahah

#88352 +(694)- [X]

<enderin> anybody knows what to do with freeCell other then watch the king's head move?
<kailus> enderin: move the cards around and hope for victory?
<enderin> what cards?
<shoonra> try starting a new game
<enderin> 1 sec
<kailus> Press F2
<DarkGildon> lol
<enderin> wow! full of cards!
* DarkGildon knows how play o.o
<uhuf> This didn't just happen...
<uhuf> Let me guess, he has no idea what the numbers in minesweeper are used for either, right?
<enderin> okey, too complicated..
<enderin> so, what do you do with the numbers at minesweeper?
<lphnt> XD
<ifireball> XD indeed
<lphnt> wow, and we didn't even get to hearts
<DarkGildon> Press F1
<enderin> where?
<lphnt> on the keyboard!!!

#98345 +(213)- [X]

<Continuity> Disassembling VB code is like looking at one of those magic eye pictures

#99000 +(-42)- [X]

jac: "thats why asian guys can always go clubbing underage, they just borrow their dad's licence"
flash: bahahahah that would so work
nexx: er
jac: lol
nexx: asian people cant drive to get thier lisence anyway

#106679 +(435)- [X]

<college^boy> hey
<college^boy> asl?
<phoxie17> 43/m/prison
<college^boy> seriouslly?

#119859 +(845)- [X]

<prae> my sister is so goddamn retarded
<prae> she called mom cause she gave blood today and mom told her to drink alot of fluids
<prae> so she drank beer
<prae> what a fucking moron

#143758 +(564)- [X]

<heroofhyr> Japan, China and South Korea team up to plan an operating system to rival Microsoft Windows.
<heroofhyr> man i can't wait to try Rindows

#200737 +(434)- [X]

<Rachtman> I can't wait to watch Dick Clark's ball drop.
<Sharparoni> wow. never say that again, please.
<Rachtman> haha

#554689 +(1769)- [X]

Steve: I was buying condoms for a friend of mine at the beach in a drug store
Steve: and I also picked up one of those freezable ice packs cuz I hurt my knee surfing that day
Steve: I put both of the items on teh counter
Steve: the big black guy behind the counter looks at me and says quite loudly
Steve: son, what are you gonna do to that poor girl
Steve: this older couple that was checking out looks at me and then hurries out fo the store

#612046 +(1684)- [X]

<koharski> heh, my dad "hey, can you run some CAT5 into my room?"
<koharski> apparently he wants to "check his email in bed"
<koharski> yesterday the router was blinking alot in my room
<koharski> so I went upstairs and knocked on his door
<koharski> "get any interesting emails?"
<koharski> he told me to go to bed :(

#712703 +(1069)- [X]

<frumpy> I see nintendo's new system is making people smile.
<frumpy> it's only a matter of time before a GTA ports comes out with the title 'Now you can *really* beat that nigga up and take his car!'
<frumpy> I'll bet is sells millions of copies while parents everywhere just throw their hands up and say things like 'what am I supposed to do about it?!?!'
<SForce> they'll just be happy their kids are getting some kind of exercise
<frumpy> 'yes honey.. I know he's in there beating up prostitutes.. but remember when he used to just _sit_ there and do it?'

#715270 +(-220)- [X]

Thomas says:
Why do annoying people not realise how fuxing annoying they are, yet are the first ones to complain about stuff  :|
Roland says:
ie Thomas
brett says:
I think you have just answered your own question thomas
Thomas says:
sigh
Thomas says:
whats the point
 
  Thomas has left the conversation.

#808888 +(263)- [X]

< Zipper_32> wenko: I'm heading out your way now, you going to be up in 3 hours?
* wenko reads the back of the pill bottle.
<@wenko> by that time I should consult a physician
< Zipper_32> Viagra (tm)....

#875125 +(143)- [X]

<plot> like they think somethings wrong with being gay
<plot> so they join the preisthood to try to combat it
<plot> but give into their urges anyways
<plot> and their urges end up all over the face of a 12 year old alterboy

#877975 +(2105)- [X]

<LifeIsGood2u> I got the worst fortune after having a condom break
<Incubor> what
<LifeISGood2u> "Even the smallest leak can sink a ship"
<Incubor> Damn Asian Cookies

#954091 +(36)- [X]

< hyntty> Erik: what is cat in dutch?
<+Erik> kat
< PeriSoft_> fucking crazy language
< hyntty> kankerkat ;|7<
<+Erik> With the A pronounced as the A in 'what'.
< PeriSoft_> it's spelled 'kat', but it's probably pronounced 'voorslphtn'

#965366 +(-358)- [X]

bld: we have officially "miscarried"
Hasad: pics or it didn't happen
bld: absence of evidence is not evidence of absence

0.2092 21077 quotes approved; 495 quotes pending
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