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#395 +(100)- [X]

<Dr_DOS> l33t i got a snickels bal

#555 +(418)- [X]

<CurlyEars> sorry....I am a bit compulsive about spelling an grammar

#2805 +(312)- [X]

<LrdZombie> So last night my sister comes in and wants to borrow a dvd.  She goes "What do you have that I'd like?" and i go, "Well, I got Goonies, Dark Crystal, and Adventures of Baron Munchausen."  She goes "I just saw goonies.  Which is better, dark crystal or baron munchausen?"
<_Shorty> haha
<LrdZombie> "Do you want to sleep tonight?"  "Yes."  *hands her baron munchausen.*
<blazemore> tsk tsk.. laughing before the punch line

#3649 +(269)- [X]

<PapaWo|f> any girls care to chat with 17/m/Van/Lamer/zits for days/hideously overweight/naked right at this moment spanking off to animal porn? msg me

#6206 +(406)- [X]

<kadafi:#916> -----------------------------
<kadafi:#916> Welcome to ftp.idsoftware.com
<kadafi:#916> -----------------------------
<kadafi:#916> Connection from logged
<kadafi:#916> You are user 201 of 200 available connections.
<kadafi:#916> IM USER 201 BEYOTCH

#7940 +(191)- [X]

<videogamenerd> a real hacker not a "$kr!p7!3"
<kt> videogamenerd: your geek is showing

#8395 +(170)- [X]

<glossolalia> oh well, the way I see it, the chances of me being smacked in the head by a meteor or accidentally being killed in a gang war are pretty slim, especially with my new-found love of drinking JD while chatting on IRC

#8716 +(265)- [X]

<relapse> what distribution are you running
<aur__> windows

#8764 +(78)- [X]

<Finno> Elton Johns tribute toJohn Denver, he reworded Johns Classic, Annies song - "You Fill Up My Cessna"

#10964 +(488)- [X]

<Flash> you can start it by typing alt+F4
<Digimon> wot does that do
<FanBoy> and a little window will pop up
<FanBoy> its a secret
*** Digimon has quit
<FanBoy> it is an IQ test

#12261 +(154)- [X]

<liqshot|GreenZ> only thing more superior then the white man is an albino white man
<liqshot|GreenZ> the whitest man of all

#12940 +(161)- [X]

<SkoL> mofo must be drunk
<Tweedle> |OUF|mofo: you getting AMD?
<|OUF|mofo> no
<Tweedle> yeah he's drunk

#14462 +(213)- [X]

<@Breathe> I hurt my back last week, and it is still hurting. >:(
<SirPrux> Maybe you sprained a muscle
<SirPrux> I sprained a cucumber once
<@Breathe> ...
<SirPrux> man did it hurt
<@Breathe> you sprained a cucumber?
<huzyrdadi> I think he means he sprained his asshole /using/ a cucumber

#21309 +(338)- [X]

<ilde> Beauty is in the eye of the beer holder.

#24393 +(240)- [X]

<pdd> we like hydraulics because
<pdd> we like to pretend we're matadors riding a rampaging bull
<pdd> even though matadors don't ride bulls
<pdd> i had to relate it somehow
<pdd> you understand

#26803 +(626)- [X]

<irq> so i was spanking-the-monkey for all it was worth and just about to cum
<irq> when my dad bangs on the door
<irq> i say "i'm comming"
<irq> and my dad says "that wont help you open the door"
<irq> now i am going to need theorpy for life!

#34016 +(110)- [X]

<hash> can anyone point me towards some resources for setting up ISA NICs?
<wilnixAFK> the handbook?
<wilnixAFK> google?
<halcy0n> trash can, and ebay
<razorini> lol halcy0n
<hash> why did i even bother asking

#35602 +(165)- [X]

<timmo> as soon as i think people might not be retarded
<timmo> everyone goes and fucks up my faith in people

#36958 +(52)- [X]

TheMrF6: I knew her in 8th grade, and she was a fucking hot slut back then too

#37543 +(151)- [X]

* DerianX sets mode: +m
<DerianX> Try to talk.
* DerianX sets mode: +v GWA
<DerianX> Now try.
<GWA> try what?
<DerianX> ...
<Gaz> It's mainly used for big channels tho
<DerianX> To talk.
<GWA> my mic is not setup lol
<DerianX> ...
<Gaz> rofl

#39998 +(242)- [X]

<scabb> Pfft. Rape? No. Love at first sight.

#42821 +(23)- [X]

<Denkan> ASP is like a chat-dialog with the server... in PHP you type codes

#43823 +(240)- [X]

<griffin> would you tongue fuck pagans asshole for 27.4 million?
<jstepka-w> yup
<jstepka-w> i'd do a lot of shit for 27.4 million
<griffin> would you kill your mom?
<jstepka-w> would I get caught?
<griffin> no
<jstepka-w> yes

#46714 +(210)- [X]

<Duker900> I wonder if quasar dreams in C++
<Duker900> quasar would like try to have a wet dream
<Duker900> and he'd get compile errors
<Duker900> "ERROR: func_erection is undefined"

#55569 +(181)- [X]

<thezinner> I've yet to find a women with the right MD5sum :)

#60290 +(1356)- [X]

<Imaginos> damn
<Imaginos> my neices cat ran away
<Imaginos> i said it went to kitty land, so she wants to know where kitty land is
<Imaginos> i bring up my browser
<Imaginos> type in www.kittyland.com
<Imaginos> and then closed it as fast as humanly possible

#76972 +(481)- [X]

<slac`> there's this mineral ( formula: (Mg,Fe)7Si8O22(OH)2 ) which was found in Cummington, MA.
<slac`> it is therefor called: Cummingtonite
<[Ci]CougarFou> that sounds like a dangerous mineral.  I bet you have to wash your hands throughly after handling it.

#90196 +(144)- [X]

<InVerse> Christ, I went to GameFAQs and didn't look at the poll question and was thoroughly confused when the first answer was Under 13"

#103476 +(199)- [X]

<Dhraakellian> an ant just ran across the top of my monitor
<Dhraakellian> I've heard of ANSI, but this is ridiculous
<Dhraakellian> perhaps my computer needs to be debugged

#105442 +(32)- [X]

(cheese) You know why you NEVER have sex first thing in the morning?
(cheese) You ever PEAEEEL open a grilled cheese sandwich?
* cheese pulls his hands apart slowly making squishy noiuses

#136840 +(576)- [X]

<Dock> Tristan: We understand, you're just brain damaged.
<Dock> We know you find those "things" fun, your POV is warped and it's OK.
<Dock> We'll all smile and talk behind your back.
<Tristan> OH YEAH
<Tristan> SO THERE

#137167 +(1342)- [X]

<Exelcesior> I take it ALLL back about greenpeace type fanatics
<Exelcesior> no offence Ed
<Ed> hmm?
<Exelcesior> i was feeling suicidally bored so I visited a friend who's pretty enviro friendly
<Exelcesior> and I was talking to him as he watered his lawn, when this car pulled up
<Exelcesior> and this fat guy mooned him
<Exelcesior> so he screamed "FUCK! BEACHED WHALE!!" and turned the hose on him
<Ed> well, you have to keep them hydrated

#147512 +(328)- [X]

<Wario> can't sleep.  clowns will eat me
<Kyle> Instead of sleeping..
<Kyle> Scan your boobies. :D
<Trunks> Yeah.
<Trunks> That works.
<Trunks> That'd be funny if her parents walked in.
<Trunks> Tits on the scanner.
<Kyle> "Hmm. This is awkward."

#186807 +(931)- [X]

<Comatosis> wow this room is empty! we have it all to ourselves :-p
<Alain> yup, just you and me :-)
* Comatosis gets naked
<Alain> uh, my mom is sitting here next to me, i dont want her to think i chat with perverts
* Comatosis put his clothes back on
<Comatosis> sorry

#192129 +(396)- [X]

<Snoody> I am wearing a sports bra. It makes my boobs look all flat and weird.
<tanjo> as opposed to ?

#212271 +(182)- [X]

<NEGRO> i find out if i can get 1.5mbit cable tomarrow
<NEGRO> comcast keep dicking us around
<NEGRO> "yes, service is available in your area"
<NEGRO> "oh, its available, but not in your neighborhood, but in your area!"
<NEGRO> "oh, it is available in your neighborhood."
<NEGRO> "well, maybe its not, we just like getting your hopes up you stupid fuck ass!"

#224607 +(851)- [X]

<smadge1> Guinness World Records was one site that did consider exactly what they were hosting on the web, and made necessary changes. The record for "Most Individuals Killed In A Terrorist Attack" is 2823 people accord to one page on Guinness' site. Guinness has a feature were you can apply to "Break this record", and this option was placed on every page that contained a record.

#282745 +(760)- [X]

seph429: lol 3 weeks ago someone posted a post on this board "I'm looking for some cool things macosx can do" hes bumped it every day since, today he posts

#406061 +(22)- [X]

<Jontler> feel my wrath
ωνω Topic (#freebsd): changed by Jontler: derrich is mean
derrich/#freebsd waits for the wrath
<derrich> oh
<derrich> wow
<Jontler> yea whatup
<derrich> as far as wrath goes
<derrich> that's filed under the 'premature ejaculation' category

#408285 +(457)- [X]

<Javin> *I* could put together a flash site that quotes 1000 imaginary people saying they saw a giant space monkey come and throw flammable poo at the pentagon.  Doesn't make it true.

#416165 +(1180)- [X]

<^head^> A nine year old boy asks his mother, "Is God male or female?"
<^head^> After thinking for a moment, his mother responds, "Well God is both male and female."
<^head^> This confuses the boy, so he asks, "Is God black or white?"
<^head^> "Well," she says, "God is both black and white."
<^head^> This really confuses the boy, so he asks, "Is God gay or straight?"
<^head^> Feeling a bit out of her depth, but wanting to be consistent, the mother answers, "Honey, God is both gay and straight."
<^head^> At this the boy's face lights up with understanding and he triumphantly asks...
<^head^> "Is Michael Jackson God?"

#433425 +(-898)- [X]

[30/10/04 00:32:41] Tinkerbell :
last funny for the day
George Bush is visiting the Queen of England.
He asks her, "Your Majesty, how do you run such an efficient government? Are
there any tips you can give me?"
"Well," says the Queen, "the most important thing is to surround yourself
with intelligent people."
Bush frowns. "But how do I know the people around me are really
The Queen takes a sip of tea.
"Oh, that's easy. You just ask them to answer an intelligence riddle.
The Queen pushes a button on her intercom. "Please send The Prime Minister
in here, would you?"
Tony Blair walks into the room. "Your Majesty..."
The Queen smiles. "Answer me this, please, Tony. Your mother and father have
a child. It is not your brother and it is not your sister. Who is it?"
Without pausing for a moment, Blair answers, "That would be me!"
"Yes! Very good!" says the Queen.
Back at the White House, Bush calls in his vice president, Dick Cheney.
"Dick, answer this for me. Your mother and your father have a child. It's
not your brother and it's not your sister. Who is it?"
"I'm not sure," says the vice president. "Let me get back to you on that
Dick Cheney goes to his advisers and asks every one, but none can give him
an answer.
Finally, he ends up in the men's room and recognizes Colin Powell's shoes in
the next stall.
Dick shouts, "Colin! Can you answer this for me? Your mother and father have
a child and it's not your brother or your sister. Who is it?"
Colin Powell yells back, "That's easy. It's me!"
Dick Cheney smiles. "Thanks!"
Cheney goes back to the Oval Office and asks to speak with Bush.
"Say, I did some research and I have the answer to that riddle. It's Colin
Bush gets up, stomps over to Dick Cheney, and angrily yells into his face,
"No, you idiot! It's Tony Blair!"

#459188 +(1178)- [X]

<Ch0|sen> fuck I made a fake Myspace account posing as a bi blonde to get horny desperate internet guys to get me a free ipod and now all these hot lesbians are messaging me with "we should fuck"

#573116 +(485)- [X]

<Ecob16> so this hobo asks me for spare change right
<Ecob16> and i ignore her cause im chatting with a mate
<Ecob16> so shes like "manners dont cost anything"
<Ecob16> so i turn to her and say "yeah, but if they did I could afford them" :D
<Ecob16> you shud have seen her expression...

#623577 +(309)- [X]

<tyrannosaurus> less is more
<tyrannosaurus> actually no
<tyrannosaurus> they're different binaries
<tyrannosaurus> my bad

#667958 +(794)- [X]

Boboray202: If Intelligent Design existed, my hand would be self-lubricating!

#778845 +(695)- [X]

deusnoctum> I love online pharmacy spam that offer "discrete shipping."  Does that mean they ship every pill individually?

#797814 +(1569)- [X]

<balls>  that was the funniest thing that's ever happened to me
<balls>  im getting ready to build a computer, and my dad comes into my room.  he starts talking like hes giving me the talk about abstinence and shit.  he says stuff like "son, we want you to be safe, you know that" and just when it seems like he's gonna give me a condom, he holds out his hand, and he gives me a fucking static wrist strap.
<balls>  i never laughed so hard in my dad's face.

#926627 +(3265)- [X]

<Javelin> Oh.
<Javelin> My.
<Javelin> God.
<Javelin> We have a unit here.  It's about the size of a small speaker.
<Javelin> In big letters across the front of it, it says "DATA DESTROYER."
<Javelin> Some idiot comes into my office just now, and asks, "hey, what is this thing?"
<Javelin> I say sarcastically, "it's a DVD polisher..."
<Javelin> Next thing I hear:  *GRIND GRIND GRIND* "WHAT THE FUCK?!?!"
<Javelin> Now they're pissed at ME.
<Javelin> Because THEY couldn't read.
<Javelin> Besides, it's not like I gave them PERMISSION to use MY "DVD Polisher."
<Javelin> I hate people.

#954103 +(426)- [X]

<Mikael_Kreoss> reading the "stupid shit you believed as a kid" thread
<Mikael_Kreoss> it owns
<Mikael_Kreoss> reminded me of the time as a kid I saw a pic of the pope's bubble car thing
<Mikael_Kreoss> and thought it was meant to keep him in
<Mikael_Kreoss> like he was a monster or w/e
<Vanadium> hahaha
<Mikael_Kreoss> on display
<&Attilla> ahahahah
<Mikael_Kreoss> "WE CAUGHT THE POPE" and then celebration time
<Drakkar> hahaha

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