#351 +(577)- [X]
<Twofish> Someone is mounting me every minute
#987 +(416)- [X]
<|Chris> i want the nVidia's Secret catalog
<|Chris> with pictures of rendered games
#2590 +(606)- [X]
<Legind> I cant remember my earliest memory
#6546 +(492)- [X]
<pimpDT> you need a nice phrase to tell women when they mention babies
<boXlor> "stfu" ?
#6618 +(779)- [X]
<Jon^D> I had to cat 8-9 seperate quote files, compare each line in each of them to make sure there weren't any duplicates then sort
<Jon^D> I wrote a nasty perl script to get it donw
<Jon^D> and it didn't work very well
<skank> cat quote*.txt |sort |uniq
#6658 +(160)- [X]
<o0o> i had 5 days of smoking the sickest shit
<meiso> dog turds?
#6721 +(261)- [X]
<PUTZINGoff> Does a kid wake up one day and say Mommy/Daddy I want to grow up to be a PROCTOLOGIST!!!!!
#8257 +(467)- [X]
<+Incantation> shag's 100% let you cry on his shoulder and make you think he cares so that he can manipulate you into sucking his cock
<+Julie42> HOLY SHIT! Good. Because here I was thinking I had to think of things to cry about, just so I could suck on his cock.
#8398 +(723)- [X]
<f48u10n7> this dude I know was sleeping with this girl, and she had really long hair. so he gets up in the middle of the night to take a crap, and he finishes his business, but when he stands up, he feels a tug--turns out his turd is attached to his rectum via a long hair. he had to hobble over to the sink to get scissors
<taylah> im confused
<nimh> f48u10n7: that's happened to me before
<f48u10n7> see, he must have swallowed some of her hair in the night
<nimh> i've pulled one of my ex's long hair outta my ass before
<taylah> haha oh
<f48u10n7> i'm glad I only sleep with bald chicks
<`Benny`> that's the most disgusting thing I've heard in a long time and I'm in here a fair amount of time
<PunkRawk> like outta yer asshole nimh?
<aem`key> f48u10n7 lol
<nimh> right out
<nimh> i felt it as i tugged it out
<nimh> i even called her over to take a look at it
<nimh> i was like, "cait, this is your fault."
<nimh> she was like, "what, EWWEWWEWE!"
<nimh> and ran away screaming
<f48u10n7> anyway, my point was, that's kinda like spidey shooting webs from his ass
#9465 +(30)- [X]
<DogFu> what kernel u have rental
#11780 +(327)- [X]
<MED1C> i bet they got their degree from the same vending machine
#11956 +(234)- [X]
<Phuser> now theres a soon to be guest nick if i ever saw one
*** susan is now known as Guest70397
#14250 +(291)- [X]
* <r0b3r> sighs and ponders what to do now....
* <Lynda> ponders, "draw something?"
<r0b3r> Tried that already. Can't think of anything to draw, really.
<Lynda> draw... a couple, resting in bed together.
* <r0b3r> blinks at what Lynda says....
<r0b3r> No. I don't draw that, thank you ery much.
<Lynda> I wasn't suggesting anything ecchi.
<Lynda> I take it you've never had a really serious relationship.
<r0b3r> I have one with someone right now, actually.
<r0b3r> Just it's an odd relationship considering my character is human
and she is an alien...
#15312 +(947)- [X]
úùú Quits: JESUS (email@example.com): Ping timeout
<Cyph3r> jesus died from my syn's
#16428 +(209)- [X]
<WeaselBoy> livejournal is nothing but thousands of people all saying "Does this make my ass look big?" at the same time
#18316 +(371)- [X]
<count^> real life is just something the government invented to steal my money
#27483 +(633)- [X]
<bri> when you're stoned at night the golf course looks like marioland
<bri> i hum the theme music
<bri> and jump on bushes
<bri> but then i get all cut up
#32137 +(583)- [X]
<magnafi> portuguese is very dificulty to speak
<magnafi> its like chinese or japanese..
<magnafi> very dificulty
<litigator> kind of like english
<magnafi> english is too much easy to speak
#34095 +(51)- [X]
<webhax> ipfw deny dildo from any to me
#37251 +(481)- [X]
<ZarcyB> i had a dream about irc last night :/
<ZarcyB> in my dream, everyone hated me
<fraggle> it wasnt a dream
#43370 +(100)- [X]
*** Signoff: dejay (Quit: If you throw a cat out of the car window, does it become kitty litter?)
#48163 +(124)- [X]
<bunnyfufu> MY BALLS HURT
<FlyingAttackPorcupine> stop eating them
<bunnyfufu> if only that was possible
#51009 +(173)- [X]
* Sticks whoops for joy
* Sticks cheers insanely
* Sticks parties and dances around the room in a polka-dotted frock whilst screaming with inane joy
<VooDoo> i guess the email server is working now huh?
#52980 +(286)- [X]
<Bodom83> dir NEW KORN SLIPKNOT DVDS!!
<Nvrmr> cd wrong window
<Nvrmr> get dumbass.txt
#53939 +(1694)- [X]
<quintessential> HOLY SHIT! SOMEONE JUST FIRED A FIRECRACKER ONTO MY BALCNONY
<quintessential> i should close teh door, but its not a noisy one, its just a sparkler on steroids i tink
<kuntraver> anyhoo, how are the submissions going?
<quintessential> ok, i just uploaded a batch yesterday
<quintessential> CRAP MY CAT IS ON FIRE!!!!!!
#54120 +(899)- [X]
Seppuko I: ever jack a guy off with your feet?
Seppuko I: do you want to?
Seppuko I: would you if asked?
Seppuko I: what if he had a gun to your head?
Seppuko I: SCORE
#66308 +(78)- [X]
<prawn> i bet your array of games consoles and ability to buy wrestling PPVs makes you really popular
#71089 +(197)- [X]
<Rose> can someone explain to me why are the celeron 1ghz so much cheaper than the P42.2ghz?
<Rose> are they that much different?
<Rose> speed wise?
#100327 +(74)- [X]
[Kris] friggen brazilians are still going nuts, even second defacement is by some group which hangs on brasnet
[jimmiejaz] they just got electricity, they've got to catch up.
#106270 +(209)- [X]
[Windshear]: I'd lose my dick if it wasn't strapped on
#115471 +(142)- [X]
<ginzo_> my company sponsored a 50 Cent/Jay-Z concert
<ginzo_> on july 9th
<ginzo_> WE ROCK
<therdrai|> ginzo - what company is this?
<ginzo_> Cincinnati Bell
<therdrai|> are your CEO's and upper management gonna attend
<ginzo_> but i bet the pres will
<ginzo_> he's very into hanging out with africans
<ginzo_> PR trip or something
<therdrai|> so he can say "look i'm not racist, fifty cents is one of my best friends"
#120159 +(399)- [X]
<Bayls> Kaff - can you stop changing your nick. My notify list is about 98MB now, since I simply must know the nanosecond you come online.
<Kaffy> bayls, thats FUNNY considering you never talk to me :(
<Kaffy> and dammit, i miss you so much when you're not here. or soemthing.
<Bayls> Kaffy - Sadly, that's true. However, I find enough solace staring doefully out the window into the night, illuminated only by the soft haze of my monitor, thinking of you and humming "Soooommeewhere ouuuut theeere..."
<Bayls> Then I load up the vast gallery of porn, all carefully edited to include your head with the tampons stuck up your nose on each body, have a brisk pull, then fall into a restful sleep, my own manpaste hardening to a flaky crust as I slumber.
<Kaffy> aww how romantic *sniff*
#124211 +(955)- [X]
Cosmixmaster : hi there
Cosmixmaster : did you hit it yet?
Holom : no
Cosmixmaster : why not
Holom : 1. she sorta wants to wait and 2. no place to do it
Cosmixmaster : wait until marriage?
Cosmixmaster : your room?
Cosmixmaster : her room?
Cosmixmaster : her vagina?
Cosmixmaster : ?
Holom : no, not till marriage
Holom : cant in her room.....might could in mine
Cosmixmaster : how about outside
Cosmixmaster : or in a car
Cosmixmaster : or outside a bar
Cosmixmaster : would you fuck her in a chair
Cosmixmaster : would you fuck her near a bear
Cosmixmaster : would you fuck her in a bed
Cosmixmaster : or perhaps in the head
Cosmixmaster : how about in the sky
Cosmixmaster : or while eating an apple pie
Cosmixmaster : try it on some hay
Cosmixmaster : some like it down by the bay
Cosmixmaster : but I like prefer doing it during mass
Cosmixmaster : but nothing beats tapping it in the ass
Holom : hahaha
Holom : nice
Cosmixmaster : so which one
Holom : i'm thinking bed
Cosmixmaster : it's the mass one, isn't it?
Cosmixmaster : damn
#161834 +(345)- [X]
•Fileman• i slept like a baby last night
•DuFF• suckin your thumb and shittin the bed?
#178050 +(500)- [X]
<@SPo0n> this morning my mate said he likes the word "cock" because it "rolls off the tongue"
#182201 +(1785)- [X]
<daem0n_> i got new car radio the other day, its pretty cool. you shout soul and it plays soul, you shout rock and it plays rock. the other day some kids ran past my car and i yelled "FUCKING KIDS" and it played michael jackson.
#263029 +(360)- [X]
<jeff> if the butterfly effect isn't the best worst movie ever, i don't know what is
<Calisa> Rotten Tomatoes has one review listed and it says, "Hitchcock would be proud."
<jeff> proud to know he had nothing to do with that film
#283713 +(57)- [X]
Guan Yu: One time I shit myself in a McDonalds.
Guan Yu: So I had to clean myself with my t-shirt. I shoved the shit-covered t-shirt in the tank part on the back of the toliet.
Guan Yu: I came back a year later and the shirt wasnt in the tank. That means somebody removed my shit-smeared DBZ shirt.
Guan Yu: That brings joy to my heart.
#299663 +(1916)- [X]
<zetec> I don't think it's physically possible to both laugh and ejaculate at the same time.
<zetec> But I plan on finding out.
* zetec is away - midget porn.
#485154 +(1392)- [X]
<ryeenae> don't worry, i'm here for you = )
#560470 +(459)- [X]
<nick> grah windows just crashed again, unstable crap.
<yukito> Windows isn't unstable, it's just spontaneous.
#595424 +(275)- [X]
<phooka> im getting a nice deal on a laptop
<phooka> 599 for a good deal
<minkis> and then how much is the laptop for after you bought the deal?
#624302 +(600)- [X]
< ispiked> I really hate how these ads have girls in them with their locations based on your ip address.
< ispiked> the same girls live in raleigh and in winston-salem, apparently.
< shaldannon> lol
< shaldannon> they ...uh.... get around
#644110 +(584)- [X]
(@nd): i should find a hobby
(@nd): other than drinking
(@rawby): put your beer in the freezer
(@rawby): then take up licking
#646418 +(719)- [X]
<Ashley`> thats the first example of sex with a birdhouse ive ever seen
<[Rabite]> second here
<[Rabite]> but definately the funnier of the two
#668964 +(1939)- [X]
<syc> buddy of mine licked a motherboard once while the machine was running
<syc> no problems
<Skiz> I disagree
<Skiz> your friend has problems
#681933 +(608)- [X]
<MGS05> vegans are the most enviromentally unsound people
<MGS05> they totally take advantage of "survival of the fittest"
<MGS05> the plants can't move
<MGS05> they can
#738421 +(348)- [X]
<Ken|JLime> Jtag_me If you want a challenge, learn the emacs short commands
<Ken|JLime> I'll stick to medical school myself
<Ken|JLime> Its like CTRL-XYWZQFGUJ-F1 (while pressing F2).. and it walks your dog
#839563 +(1183)- [X]
[Bwafflz] <Veritas|jackals> if u know how to get ur dick out of a beer bottle (dont ask) PM ME plZ immeditately!!!!
#874140 +(773)- [X]
<QuackFuzed> you wont answer stupid questions posed by stupid people anyways, so what's the worry?
<[CJ]> i won't answer that