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#925050 +(2249)- [X] < Andys> oh dear
< Andys> in ruby, symbols are represented with a prepended colon
< Andys> eg. :flag
< Andys> so some guy tshirt that said ":sex"
< Andys> which everyone at railscamp knew meant "Sex symbol"
< Andys> he wore it until someone pointed out that to non-rubyists it said "Colon sex"
#925047 +(-300)- [X] <BrknCodes> We all remember the KFC "Hillary Meal"---two small breasts and two big thighs.
<BrknCodes> Now, KFC has announced an addition to their chicken dinners.....
<BrknCodes> It's called the Obama Cabinet Bucket.
<BrknCodes> It consists of nothing but left wings and assholes.
#924892 +(1402)- [X] <Outpost> I love how everyone is blaming Obama for the oil spill..
<AnnoDomini> It's actually the British.
<Outpost> yeah, you'd think British Petroleum would've made that known.
<AnnoDomini> See, Americans dumped English tea into Boston Bay.
<AnnoDomini> The British, after biding their time for 237 years, have struck back.
<AnnoDomini> YOUR MOVE, AMERICA.
<Outpost> ...I am so in love with you right now.
#924578 +(1742)- [X] < gordonjcp> I'm trying to enjoy the vuvuzela concert and some prick keeps playing football
#924371 +(781)- [X] < k5egg> the fucking oil spill is several hundred times larger than AT&T's 3G coverage...
< n1lqj> Unlike AT&T the oil spill is guaranteed to cover everyone
#922982 +(2212)- [X] lemonlimeskull: So I'm sitting in Hardee's (Carl's JR for anyone here one the west coast)
lemonlimeskull: This huge African American dude sits across from me at the booth. Plenty of tables around, of course, since this is Hardee's.
lemonlimeskull: Since I don't usually have uninvited guests at fast food restaurants, I'm naturally a bit put off while simultaniously wondering what the deal is.
lemonlimeskull: The guy goes "Hey, man what you do for a living?"
lemonlimeskull: I must've looked really confused, but I manage to answer "Game designer... Why?"
lemonlimeskull: The guy sits there for a good thirty seconds, looking out the window over my shoulder.
lemonlimeskull: Then he finally looks me straight on and says "Good, lemme ask you a question..."
lemonlimeskull: "Why don't Pacman wanna eat eyes?"
lemonlimeskull: I just gave him this really quizzical look, then he gets up and leaves.
lemonlimeskull: After a few seconds of wondering wtf that was all about, I look out the window over my shoulder and see about five police cars slowly driving off into the distance.
lemonlimeskull: The worst part is...... WHY doesn't Pacman wanna eat eyes?!
#922730 +(336)- [X] <Flibberdy> thank fuck my wife's period's finally over. Stupid biological mechanisms required for reproduction.
<fantasyprone> Flibberdy, try being the one bleeding from a very private crevice
<fantasyprone> believe me it sucks at least as much for her as for you
<Flibberdy> fantasyprone: Oh, she hates it too, don't get me wrong. Honestly I'm glad it's over for her sake not mine
<Flibberdy> Left her bed bound quite a few days
<fantasyprone> though it does entertain me to play war paint in the shower
<fantasyprone> BLOOD EVERYWHERE WOO
#921792 +(921)- [X] <Thomas> if women think they arent meant to cook
<Thomas> why do they have milk and eggs inside them?
#921449 +(-485)- [X] (12:21:04 PM) brick: zucker will always have a copy of your stuff
(12:21:12 PM) snip: I've never uploaded anything to FB other than a profile
(12:21:36 PM) snip: Great, he can wipe his ass with my love of metal music, drummers, and Tron
(12:21:41 PM) snip: I don't give a shit.
(12:21:48 PM) jcow: heh
(12:22:14 PM) snip: It's not like I put anything on there of any consequence
(12:22:16 PM) brick: he knows about that time you searched for furry midget porn
(12:22:26 PM) snip: geneology searches will show my relatives
#921445 +(-62)- [X] <+DarthWario> I do believe I am fully justified when I say fuck my dad.
<+DarthWario> He made me uninstall xchat. So it's back to mibbit.
<+DarthWario> He installed iTunes on my laptop so my mum could register her iPhone (as my proper computers iTunes is fucked. By his own hand, no less.) and he saw the xchat and mIRC icons on my screen. He called them 'dirty' and made me uninstall them.
<&Azathoth> he called them..dirty?
<+TomBrend_> IRC is a dirty dirty place...wretched hive of scum and villany if I've ever seen one.
#921435 +(557)- [X] Milamber: hopefully that will get him outa trouble
Mick: yeah because that was in the top 20 of worst wiring jobs
Mick: nothign will beat number 1
Milamber: no. 1?
Mick: ooh that was amazing
Mick: it was a corolla
Mick: painted blue and red with housepaint outside
Mick: with green wheels
Mick: inside was painted blue with rattlecans including the seats
Mick: there was rubbish and rotten food on the ground as high as the bottom of the seat
Mick: the radio was a tape player that he wanted replaced with a clarion cd tuner
Mick: tape player was held in with winnie blue cig packets, some bandaids and chewing gum
Mick: to get the old one out they had smashed the dash
Mick: it was wired up with bits of house wire and extension cords
Mick: they had hacked a hole in the firewall to run the power for the radio straight off the start motor
Mick: which the wiries were sticky taped onto the starter motor
Mick: the speakers in the back were sitting on the shelf being held in by just the force of their own magnets as it had no parcelshelf
Milamber: woooooow did you just tell him where to stick it?
Mick: I threw up from the smell in the car on the workshop floor
Mick: gene had to help me up
Mick: he called the customer who was told to go home and burn the car
Milamber: ROFL
#921419 +(-174)- [X] m00ndes: sorry about that disappearance
m00ndes: i just drew aggro from my girlfriend while on the phone.
m00ndes: and then needed to turn off halo to defuse the situationone.
#921418 +(476)- [X] <+Merrick> Ugh
<+Merrick> I gotta work tommorow...
<+Merrick> I hate my fucking job
<+Merrick> I HATE IT
<+FDR> are you a priest?
<+Merrick> No an altar boy
#921416 +(412)- [X] Phil: C++ is java's uncle that never comes to visit, and had half his face blown off when he stepped on a landmine, also he's a pedophile.
Phil: But he's the industry standard.
David: and runs much faster
Phil: He has to be able to run fast, he's a pedophile.
#921395 +(1156)- [X] <Aussie> I was listening to some girls talking in a video store.
<Aussie> And one of them was saying that she had failed her learners permit because she had used both hands to change gears.
#921355 +(74)- [X] reconnection: that is because in canada you can leave your doors open and michael moore can burst in at any time
reconnection: ... that was when they started locking doors
#921297 +(495)- [X] <Mike> So I have a Skype forwarding enabled for my cellphone, so any phone call made to me on Skype forwards to my cellphone. It's a couple bucks a month, so why not.
<Mike> Anyways, I am studying with my friend beside me and I see Skype on my computer start ringing. I didn't want to answer with my computer so I picked up my cellphone and told my friend "One second, taking a phone call" without thinking about it.
<Mike> My phone rings 1 second later, I answer it, walk out of the room.
<Mike> Didn't realize how much of a psychic hero I looked like to my friend until I left the room. Looked at my friend through the window who is sitting like O_O
#921147 +(305)- [X] <@tdfischer> friggin landlord finally cached my check
<+ajanata> tdfischer: I would think the proper analogy is they finally flushed the buffer the check was in :p
<+ajanata> caching the check would make things worse
<@tdfischer> 'doh
<@tdfischer> thats a pretty awesome typo
#921144 +(803)- [X] bp: how did my collar get popped
bp: srsly my neck felt weird so i felt it and my collar was popped without any physical intervention from me
esch: you have a douchebag poltergeist
#921134 +(2148)- [X] thefinalcutter83: According to CNN.com: "Iranian missile may be able to hit U.S. by 2015."
SpaceInvader455: That's one slow fuckin missile.
#921122 +(488)- [X] <sho3boy_kixx> What's the difference between jam and jelly?
<kwistlebear> wht?
<sho3boy_kixx> I can't jelly my cock down your throat
#920557 +(467)- [X] <Bubbles>What are you, fucking 15 years old?
<Spoons>no, im fucking 15 year olds ;]
#920525 +(1110)- [X] <jaffa> think of the children!
<bobf> oh gimme a break, I've spent *hours* today thinking of the children, my wrist is too sore to do it any longer
#920473 +(2812)- [X] lemonlimeskull: One guy keeps following me from chat room to chat room begging to blow me because he found out I live about a half hour away.
lemonlimeskull: Other guy wants to fight me IRL because I posted on a forum that his local band sucks ass.
lemonlimeskull: I'm going to agree to meet the two of them - same location at the same time.
lemonlimeskull: I won't show up, of course - tomorrow one guy will be in the hospital or the other one will be a lot more mellow.
lemonlimeskull: Will keep you posted.
#920468 +(-154)- [X] <IDTL> but dude there were babessss
<genida> IDTL, that's very often a warning sign.
<genida> "Girls will be there." = "Girls will be laughing in your face..."
<Malikat> when girls laugh
<Malikat> their breasts jiggle.
<Malikat> everyone wins.
<IDTL> oh man I never thought of that
<IDTL> What if they are flatchested?
<Malikat> then they shouldn't be happy
<Malikat> they probably won't be happy
<Malikat> in fact, flat chested women never laugh at a party
<Malikat> because they know no man will ever love them.
#920453 +(1862)- [X] <&||bass> GODDAMNIT
<&||bass> i'm searching for how to do something in java
<&||bass> i just checked in google
<&||bass> you know what the results are?
<&||bass> me posting in various forms asking how to fucking do it
#920182 +(1007)- [X] <commerceheights> wow, I managed to get a syntax error on line 23 of a twenty-line file
#920061 +(519)- [X] <ryanm> I have cheesecake, how the fuck could I be miserable?!
#920036 +(1110)- [X] <Flimsy> lert's join the BNP
<Obliriovrons> BMP
<Flimsy> if image formats were political parties, which one would you vote for
<Obliriovrons> Listen, starting a conversation like this is just going to lead to an argument
<Obliriovrons> And I'd hate to get in a tiff over image formats
#919845 +(2483)- [X] <@Ricky> According to BBC News, the father of the Nigerian who attempted to blow up the Delta airliner whilst approaching Detroit had emailed US authorities to warn them about his son's extreme anti American views. This man happened to be a very wealthy banker.
<@Ricky> You can imagine the email arriving at the US Government's offices:
<@Ricky> Good afternoon, I am a wealthy Nigerian banker....
#919563 +(564)- [X] <sean> sec
<sean> SSHing to laptop beacuse I can't be bothered to lift it onto table
#919561 +(2951)- [X] A: > Try playing Quake 4 on an Intel Video card. Let us know how you get on.
B: > It looks as good as on an ATI/Nvidia card so far...
B: > Hang on.. frame 2 is coming up.. yup still looks good.
#918519 +(1611)- [X] <Loonacy> Apple dumped the geek/hobbyist market to go after the highly profitable moron/trendy market.
#918504 +(192)- [X] Eli: Today this black kid who acts pretty white was trying to convince me that hes asian cus hes a ninja
Eli: I said
Eli: "ninja please"
Eli: It was awesome.
#918433 +(543)- [X] JxJ: im sleepy and I need something to pick me up, what should I drink?
GCa: Well, a can of coke has about 45 mg of caffeine. A shot, about 90. 8oz drip coffee 180-220. Ice coffee ~250+.
GCa: These are estimates, btw
GCa: My ultimate pick-me-up drink was an iced venti coffee with no ice, add two-three shots, a couple pumps of syrup and top it with cream
GCa: Then I would slam it... INSANE amounts of caffeine
GCa: Approx 16oz (you can get 32oz now) of iced coffee (500mg)+3 shots (270mg)= 770 mg of caffeine, or the equivalent of 17 cans of coke at once
GCa: I used to pull up allnighters on that stuff just to ace finals. never failed anything.
Dorne: shit, at that point caffeine is basically coke
GCa: Don't try to drive while on that.
JxJ: what the hell was your major?
GCa: english
#918414 +(1778)- [X] digicow: I'm gonna train my children to say sudo instead of please
#918366 +(1416)- [X] <sje46> I avoid sex the same way I avoid bullets
<sje46> I haven't had the chance to
#918303 +(955)- [X] <L-dawg> lol, I was 10 years old and figured out how sex works from the electronic coupling naming convention
<L-dawg> damn electrical engineers
#918246 +(-241)- [X] <~Danke> trolling or not you can't expect me to link me to furry porn and say "oh VoiDeD, that's good that you've found something you're interested in"
#917681 +(461)- [X] <incluye> OH! Shit it's your birthday, isn't it.
<thom> Yeh
<incluye> I have something for you.
<thom> Really?!
<incluye> Yeah.
<incluye> localhostr.com/files/a19ydd/q.gif
<thom> WTF
<thom> It's just an animation of some dude getting a rag tied around his face
<incluye> I know.
<incluye> It's a gag gif.
* You have been kicked from the channel by thom (never speak to me again)
#917649 +(-51)- [X] <blaxthos> sarah palin has issued a statement of condolence regarding the recent earthquake in chili, and stated her concern for potential price-gouging of baby back ribs
#917561 +(1543)- [X] <Rei> What's Microsoft Works?
<K> An oxymoron.
#917215 +(1112)- [X] AxelDesade: Good god, I need a life.
Colty: Why's that?
AxelDesade: I was entertained for over an hour today by refreshing a captcha until it said something funny or made a cool band name.
#916932 +(3151)- [X] <ChaosTeacup> playing fucking?
<ChaosTeacup> fucking isnt a game, its a very very serious sport
<Chiri> it can be quite competitive
<ChaosTeacup> although its best if you end in a draw
<Chiri> but the professional leagues aren't very respected as a career path
<ChaosTeacup> its best to play in the minors
<ChaosTeacup> wait
<ChaosTeacup> no
#916740 +(2645)- [X] <prote> apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
#916582 +(1884)- [X] (omfg): whats the most sensitive part of a persons body when they are masturbating ?
(TypoKing): idk
(omfg): their ears
(omfg): listening for ppl coming home
#916519 +(2469)- [X] <Velkyr> Why is it when your wife or girlfriend gets pregnant, all her friends rub her belly and say "congratulations!"
<Velkyr> But nobody rubs your dick and says "Good Job"?
#916256 +(-296)- [X] <Orang> Dude, this is weird, I just put an apple next to my Mac and it made a weird noise without me touching anything.
<Joshtrap> My PC does the same thing when I take a shit by it.
#916238 +(465)- [X] <Papabear> "keep out, i'm naked" is a bad thing to hear when you knock at your 12 year old sisters room, trying to get your notebook back
<Papabear> worse is if the answer is the same 20 min after
<Old> Worst is if ya find an entry for stickam in ya history afterwards
#916080 +(886)- [X] <SaxxonPike> Had some crazy kid running around flailing his arms around come up to me and shout "GUESS WHAT! I'M ONE IN A MILLION!"
<SaxxonPike> One million is a small portion of the world population. So I shouted back "THAT MEANS THERE'S ABOUT 7,000 MORE OF YOU HYPER FUCKS RUNNING AROUND"
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